What causes self-esteem issues?

Question

I'm 19 and I have horrible self-esteem issues.

Sometimes, I also start believing in what my imagination creates. For instance I can imagine a particular person hurting and I actually come to believe in those thoughts.

Answer 1

Girl, I don't think you have self-esteem issues. From what you said, looks like what you have is empathy issues...what it means is you have a strong tendency to put yourself into somebody else's shoes. Empathy is a good trait to have - that means you're a very kind and sensitive person. However, extreme empathy is not always good --- you could be so emotionally attached to someone that his pain becomes so real to you and now you're the one who's all screwed up.

At your young age, I suggest you curb these tendencies by distancing yourself from friends who are in serious emotional troubles...don't even give them the chance to tell you their problems...you're not being mean this way...you're just being practical for your sake and their sakes too.

Stay positive...stick with positive people.

When you're older, you'd learn how to better empathise with people and you'd see how beautiful it is to have this gift. Someone who has mastered how to empathise is very good at listening...he lets the other person do all the talking...he only offers advice when it is called for and that's it. Then he forgets about it. He doesn't let the other person's problem consume him. Kinda like what psychiatrists do.

Good luck. Smile...you're okay!

Answer 2

Self Esteem
The unhappy truth about self esteem is that we all lack it in certain circumstances. All of us? Yes, wherever we have difficulties or suffer from old unfinished childhood issues, we never have a goodly measure of self esteem. How can one feel wonderful about one's obsessions, one's idiotic anger, one's smoking or drinking, our less-than-wonderful parenting?

Self esteem issues always indicate an incomplete resolution of something in our pasts. One-year-old toddlers don't usually suffer from self esteem problems - they just go ahead and try again. We CAN regain the assurance in ourselves we had as a toddler, though accomplishing that may take time and energy. The most important decision one can make about a lack of self esteem in any circumstance is the decision to root out the causes ASAP.

ABCs of Personal Growth can be most useful for those with poor self esteem by pointing out useful productive new roads to be traveled instead of staying with the old feeling-bad-about-myself ruts. There are many growth opportunities available - change your spiritual beliefs or your thinking and gain a new surge of self esteem in many areas. (Try the Spirituality Quiz or the Thinking Quiz for ideas along these lines.) Or test yourself for food allergies and perhaps watch a few of your "psychological" "self esteem" problems evaporate

Answer 3

Poor self-esteem usually results from internalized negative messages we give ourselves, either negative commentary on who we are or some aspect of ourselves we have difficulty accepting. It's also rooted in unrealistic self-expectations that we can't possibly meet.
These internalized thoughts are like dialogs we have with ourselves and they generally resemble what we've been told by those around us who's opinions we valued. Even when we remove ourselves from those critical or neglectful people in our lives who taught us how to berate ourselves, the internal dialog remains. Essentially, we treat ourselves the way we were treated.
The two experiences which program us to do this are criticism from the people we love and admire and a lack of validation and empathy from them for what we feel and what we need. I think these are the two most insidious factors that create low self-esteem because they are so subtle. Certainly outright physical abuse and trauma do their share of damage, but the hardest stuff for people to recover from are those experiences which caused us to feel ashamed. Neglecting and ignoring a child's feelings and emotional needs combined with criticism for having feelings and needs (which no human being can avoid having) teach us to be ashamed of ourselves as people. Guilt is not the root because guilt is something we feel when we behave badly and we can change our behavior. Shame is something we feel about WHO and WHAT we are and that can't be changed so easily, particularly when we've learned to be ashamed of our feelings and needs. Guilt can be healthy, but shame is toxic.

Answer 4

many things can cause low self esteem like childhood abuse of any kind, neglect from ur caregiver, any traumatic experience u went thru, rape, i at 19 dont have too much a great high self esteem but i am working at it with my therapist. also only surround urself with POSITIVE PEOPLE that helps too. see a counselor and talk about it.

Answer 5

I promise sweety if you watch a movie called the secret you will find out why. I promise!! Watch it!!! God Bless