Teacher being very unprofessional!!?

Question

My Mother just came home for a Parent Teacher Conference. And I instead of It being about academics they decided they would try to be psychologists! Instead of talking about how I could improve my marks they made comments like "She never smiles", "She has a flat facial expression ever in the hallways" "I'm worried if shes happy" "Is she stressed?" WHAT THE HELL IS THIS! Why are they trying to worry my Mother! It is NONE and I mean NONE of there goddamn business. What were they trying to prove saying this? They might of well said "What the **** is wrong with your kid! Shes a freak!" I'm extremely mad that they were trying to worry my Mother about this. Yeah I'm stressed, but usually I'm in an OK mood, just because I'm not smiling on the outside doesn't mean I'm not smiling on the inside. I want to confront my teachers about this but I'm unsure about how. Do you think they were out of order? Because I sure as hell do!

I'm in the 8th grade

Answer 1

I think it was very unprofessional...especially if it has nothing to do with your academics.

Your mood and facial expressions are nobodies business but your own...I would talk to the teacher(s) that said this and tell them (respectfully of course) that you think they were out of line and that the way you learn has absolutely nothing to do with you not smiling.

good luck

Answer 2

They just said all those things because they were probably worried that u were stressed or depressed or something like that.They only meant good and not to hurt u or to worry ur parents.Just make sure u let ur mother know that u are fine.Then dont go and confront ur teacher but let them also know that u are fine!Try not to get stressed out & be more energetic and happy in school as well as home.If u are smiling in the inside then why not show it outside too?This will solve ur problem.I had a similar problem and this worked.Hope it does for u toooooooo

Answer 3

Okay... I'm a teacher. You may not enjoy my answer, but here goes...

My personal rule: If there has been a change in the student's behaviour and moods, mention it to the parent. I had a student die of brain cancer in September. Two of my students have since attempted suicide. Life is freaking hard. For me, I would rather take the chance at being wrong.

A lot of teachers have had similar experiences. There is generally a reason behind what people do, teachers included. Believe it or not, (s)he could just be worried about you and concerned for you.

However... if you think your teacher was out of line (and you are very clear that you do), then you have a right to voice your opinion. First of all, get your mad out. When a teacher is angry and yells, do you listen? I sure as hell never did. So... get calm(er). Make a list of your arguements. Back them up. Phrase them respectfully. (Trust me... most adults refuse to listen to students when they are angry. This, I have never understood. We seem to expect you guys to listen regardless). Maybe even ask your mom to go back with you when you speak to them. Request a REAL meeting. Don't try to have your voice heard in the hallway between classes. If your teacher was out of line or doesn't want to deal with your concerns, the bell is too easy an escape route for him/her.

And... talk to your mom... calmly. If she is worried about you already, she'll look for meaning behind all your reactions. Reassure her that you are okay.

Here's to stress reduction for all. Hope things work out. Best Wishes.

Answer 4

It is 100% their business. They are not there just to teach you facts and figures. They are there to be guide lanes through your travels through childhood. And trust me you are still a child. You should be happy that they care about you and that you have a teacher that notices you.
I do not think they were out of order at all. They did what they were supposed to do, and I am willing to say that you have a fantastic teacher who does what is right.
I hate to be an old preacher here. But there will be a time later on when you grow up some you will see why they did what they did. And it will make you happy.
Post Script. Any friend who tells you just what you want to hear here, is no friend. Setting you straight is the hard thing to do. But I hope you do have the wisdom at your young age to see that maybe you don't know everything yet. And that some things are done that you don't understand. But they are done for your benefit.
Good luck with your self.
B

Answer 5

I have to agree with you to an extent, young lady. You have already learned that people in all structures of life, enjoy engaging in others private matters. Including your mood, expressions etc. Just remember that society has changed. Schools have become somewhat scary places for the entire faculty ( sadly enough ). Their concern is most likely based on depressed, unsociable, unstable, peculliar behavior from young adults around the world that have "snapped" and caused serious dangers and misfortune in schools. Therefore, even though you feel your private person has been somewhat stepped on.......Do not feel the least bit awkward about approaching the teachers in question about what was said to your mother. Just do it diplomaticaly, and with grace. Explaining that although you appreciate their concern for your "mood"............they need not to worry. And that you would have appreciated a more schoolastic conference given to your mother. They are teachers..( adults )....and do deserve respect. But they are still capable of making some mistakes.

Answer 6

I don't think you should get so exited about this. They were probably just concerned about you and wondered if there may be problems at home. The smile part I don't get. Does eveyone in your school walk around with a massive grin on their faces all the time? So what if you don't smile. If it is really eating at you then maybe you should have a polite word with your teacher and explain that nothing is wrong and you would prefer it they kept your mother out of it. P.S. Calm down a little

Answer 7

Though this isn't the answer you want to hear, your teacher was being professional! Though I understand why you're upset, be thankful you have a teacher who cares enough to mention it to your mom. I'll be honset - I had the same chat with a parent today! If we notice something unusual like a change in behaviour or lack of affect (flat facial expression) we have a legal obligation to do something (at least in Canada). I do think your teacher should have talked to you as well, but I don't feel she was out of line.
Like one writer, I too wish I had a teacher who gave a darn when I was being severely picked on because I was quite overweight as a child. Maybe that makes me a bit too quick to jump the gun, but I will not apologize for genuinely caring about my students. I lost one student a couple years ago to suicide and that was the most heartbreaking experience of my career. I will do everything in my power to never let that happen again.
Talk to your teacher and respectfully let her know that though you appreciate her concern, you would like her to include you in any such discussions in the future. That will demonstrate a maturity she will appreciate and will keep you in the loop. All in all, remember, you teacher cares about you and your happiness!

Answer 8

No, I think they were just being concerned. I wouldn't worry too much about it. And if you think you may get really upset if you talk to them about this, it may be a better idea not to. Anyway, I understand that you feel that they are really invading your privacy, and I realize that to some extent they are, except for one thing: I think it is because of all the teen suicides in the recent past that has a lot of teachers concerned if they see someone who isn't in the "happy happy Joy Joy" mood. I guess maybe they all got trained on how to deal with and spot a student who may be at risk. And because they don't want to take a chance on having one of their own students kill themselves without them being able to have detected it ahead of time, they may be a little freaked by the whole thing. I guess I don't really blame them for that. Well, take care, and I hope they relax a little.

Bye!

Answer 9

I don´t think you need to confront your teachers, instead you need to talk IN A CALM WAY to your mother and let her know that there is nothing wrong with you, that you aren´t a clown who is smiling and singing at the hallways.

Trust me I do understand you because I am like that, lol, and that is something that is been happening to me until today, for your reference I am 38 years old and people has always tought I am always in a bad mood, that I have a bad attitude and they are death wrong.

But for experience I can tell you that when someone thinks that about you it is very very difficult to prove them wrong, you just go ahead with your life and lifestlye specially and most important if you ARE HAPPY WITH IT like I am.

I think that if you want to confront your teachers is not a good idea unless by "confronting" them you mean that you will go and explain them that you are like that but you are ok and no need to worry, just like that, without raising your voice or anything.

Remember you can´t change people but they can´t change you also. But as we say in Mexico "Lo cortez no quita lo valiente" which means that being polite with people doesn´t mean that you are not brave, on the contrary.

Answer 10

Send a respectful, follow up email asking what they feel they can do to contribute to this girl. It is not always the parent who can fix the situation, and there are good and bad teachers...just like in life. Sending an email repeating verbatim what was said and asking what they plan to do may help, but don't get defensive, most teachers really are trying to do the right thing and figure out what is bothering the child. It's just hard to be put in a hot seat and feel your being questioned. Your probably doing a great job so just try and get clarification. I am only giving an answer because I had a problem child who I got on the hot seat for many times. My two others are high achievers. Sometimes it just takes time to figure out the problem but don't beat yourself up, or them because sometimes teachers wind up being your best friend especially when your child is a late teen.

Answer 11

I know that it seems as though she was accusing you of being depressed or overly stressed out or something, but I really think she was probably trying to do the right thing. Think about it--what if there were a kid who really was depressed and anxious, and no one did anything to help? Teachers are taught to look for certain things, and this teacher thought that s/he was helping by making sure your mom knew. I don't think s/he was doing anything wrong. The best thing to do is to make sure your mom knows that you are ok, you just don't like to joke around a lot at school. If you are still really upset after talking with your mother, ask her to call your teacher and let the teacher know that you are just fine. Try to be grateful that there are good teachers who are concerned about you, rather than angry that they happened to be mistaken.