poor communication=bye love?

Question

I am in such a relationship pickle. I have a boyfriend, russian, only a year and a half older than me. We've dated for almost 7 months. We have a long distance relationship, about 2 hours apart... but we manage to see more of eachother than couples who live in the same town. My pickle is this: we just fight all the time. Not rough fighting, but constant disagreements about everything. We are both selfish and stubborn, but we love eachother so.
my struggles:
-sex. he guilt trips me when i dont want to have it. then changes the conversation to not getting enough affection. He says i dont "initiate" and i dont kiss him or show him love. sigh. i do.
-communication. he was born and raised in russia. he learned british english and speaks it very well. he just has some different understandings of words... and id say miscommunication is the biggest problem. Its not language tho... he makes wild assumptions. i fear telling him anything because he jumps to worser conclusions and i pay for it.

he makes assumptions, and is so stubborn with his beliefs. Like i have this guy friend, he and i dated a little but it didnt work, so we are just friends. he is ENGAGED.... and we still talk. my boyfriend saw we were talking, and he FLIPPED! he is like "he just wants to get back with you. hes playing you. he just wants to get with you" and so on. Ive known this guy for like 2-3 years, and we were very close at one point... and hes engaged!! yet i still get severely lectured for talking to him.

i love him very much.... but im not sure if i should talk to him and take a break. However, i know it will absolutely break his heart if i do that. but maybe it takes something like that to fix things. We cant talk for an extended period of time without falling into the same arguement routine. sigh

no question about our love.
and even though he left me a sassy responce here... we are going to be fine.

Answer 1

Guilt trip? I dont know how else to tell you that in no way shape or form am I guilting you. I'm sorry for once there is a guy who wants to have sex because he truely loves you, and not because he wants to get some, but I guess that doesn't mean much... I'm sorry I love you...
Communication? I told you many times that I want to undersand you and I want you to understand me. I reach out, I want to help, and I want to change. But you don't help me. You know... its not the difference in understanding, its a difference in handling things. I have a problem and I want to talk about it and resolve it with you. You run away and curl into a ball. Well you know, nothing gets fixed that way. It can be delayed and it can be avoided, but it cannot be fixed by avoidance. How can I fix things and be better for you and me when you don't even tell me? You chose to ask someone who has absolutely no idea about the situation thousands of miles away, and take their input when you didn't even describe the situation? You kinda skimmed over the fact that I really do love you with all my heart. The fact that I would do anything for you. The fact that I would die for you. Never mind that part, that's really not important. Instead of asking me to change things which I am willing to do and in fact have been ASKING you what I can do to help the situation out ever since I've met you, you decided to ask for an opinion of people with the highest divorce rate. Nice source there! You didn't say anything about the fact that I care for you with all my heart, or I love you to insanity, or the fact that I've spent pretty much the last two days taking care of you. I guess that doesn't matter at all. And now you say you don't love me? Well I love you, and I'm hurt by the fact that I asked you what I can do to change, and you went and asked people who have no idea about anything and you didn't even tell half the story and loaded up your question. I'm sorry I love you. I'm sorry I'm not a scumbag and for me sex with you is a sign of affection rather than "getting pussy". Because when you're in my arms, kissing and hugging you doesn't quite feel enough. I'm sorry I love you this much. What you do is up to you, but no matter what happens I love you more than any other person on this planet, and I always will. It's a shame to not even try to fix things, its a shame to give up just like you gave up on that math exam today. You could have gone and at least tried, and known that no matter what happens you gave it your best. Instead you chose not to go, not even try to get ANY grade. I hope you don't give up on us and live your life knowing you had a person in your life who loved you more than his own life, but you didn't even try to work things out. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for loving you, and for caring.

You know... there is no 100% compatibility... there will always be a bump along the road. I give you my heart to you here, and I promise to always love you. What you choose to do with it is up to you. You have a person who loves you, who will always love and care for you, who will never do things behind your back, or lie or cheat, who would do anything for you. A person who knows that even though he's probably crazy wants to spend his life with you. What you do with the heart of this person is up to you.

Answer 2

You need to understand that this is not love... this is obsession and fear of being alone. I lived with my ex-husband for 10 yrs with the same type of situation. I always thought things would get better or that I would break his heart or that I couldn't make it alone. The relationship will only get worse. I promise you that. People do not change. If you are already acting like this and it has only been 7 months, you need to know it will get worse. After 10 yrs and 2 children I finally left my husband when I saw how it affected my children. I am now happily married to a wonderful man who loves and adores me and my children. We had 2 children together also and I couldn't be happier. Don't waste your life trying to make something work that was broken to begin with. Do yourself and him a favor and break it off now before you have to explain to your children why daddy isn't living with them anymore. He will get over the broken heart and so will you. There is someone out there that was meant for you both it's just not each other. Someone that will love you (that means making you happy and putting you before themselves). You both will never be happy in a relationship until you learn to be stop being selfish. True love means you think of the other first. So please stop saying that you LOVE each other because you don't, if you did you wouldn't be acting the way you do.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You ALWAYS have to ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship compared to what you are putting into it. ALWAYS. The reason you need to do that is that if you are putting in much more than you are getting, it cannot last because your well will run dry, you cannot continue to put out more emotional energy than you receive--the well will run dry.
From your description, you are receiving more headaches than you are getting aspirin to cure them. There is no magic cure for fighting and misunderstanding. More than likely you aren't fighting about the things that cause you to feel angry and that's not a good sign at all.