I am a mother of....?

Question

I am a mother of 3 beautiful children there's:
Grace-who is 9
Corey-who is 5
and
Amber-who is 2

I love them! they are my life!
I am married to a wonderful man. Only, his is the biological father to Amber and Corey. He is a great daddy. He also, is a father figure in my Grace's life, and I love that.
Grace's father is in jail (for life), for killing someone and selling drugs.
Grace always calls my husband daddy. which my husband and I love. Because he has been in her life since she was 3 years old.
But lately, she seems to want to know alot about her real father. I know this is normal. And I understand her curiosity. Her real father writes to her sometimes, but not very often, or as I should say, not often enough.
~My question is: How do I tell her that the only way she can see her father is in jail? and What can I do to help my little princess, from wondering, why he doesnt write to her alot, and why she never see's him?
Please help me! Thanks so much!!!

My daughter knows her father is in jail! she just doesn't completly understand why.

Answer 1

thats a tough one. Your gonna have to make that call because we don't know much about grace. Do you think she is mature enough to handle some info about her father. If you opt to not tell her anything will she think that your trying to keep her from knowing her father. The best advice here is going to be your own

Answer 2

I am also a mother of three two girls ages 13 and 9 and a boy 11, my children just recently lost their father to cancer, your daughter may know that her father is in prison, but I don't believe and mind you this is a personal opinion, that a nine year old child can understand exactly why. I have found that there is a difference between knowing and understanding.
My daughter knows that her father has died but she doesn't understand it, I can talk to her and comfort her but until she is ready to understand she won't.
Don't hide or lie to her in anyway why her father is away from her but do be gentler with her than you would be when talking to an adult. I hope I could help you even in a little way good Luck. And tell your husband thank you for being the dad he doesn't have to be

Answer 3

I would explain to her how lucky she is to have both a father AND A Daddy! Her father had alot of problems and made some very bad choices so he is in jail where he is being punished for his bad choices. He can't come visit her because he's not allowed to leave and you honestly do NOT know why he doesn't write her anymore more often than he does....the truth...that's what I would tell her. You don't have to tell her he's a bad man..allow her to develop her own opinion just state facts and leave it at that...kids are smart and tend to be very strong...trust her to deal with it. Sounds like she is well rounded because all kids in a loving atmosphere tend to be....and most important..pray about it. Best wishes and God bless!

Answer 4

Only you know how mature your daughter is. i think you have to be truthful to her or you risk the chances of #1 - her resenting you when she is older or #2 - she will have a false sense of who her real father is and that can be dangerous. Try to be as honest as her maturity level warrants.

If her father doesn't put as much effort into their relationship as you or she would like you can only explain it by telling her that everyone loves and communicates differently - just because he isn't writing every day doesn't mean she isn't important to her. She will also need to understand that his life of confinement is totally different than any thing she knows and that could be why he resists in getting too emotionally involved.

Either way just be patient kind understanding and loving. Try not to worry because it sounds like she has a great role model and emotional support from your husband so she won't get as scarred from this as someone who didn''t.

Answer 5

She is old enough now to know that he is in jail. You don't have to go into detail but tell her that he did something very bad and he won't be coming out for a long time if at all. You can tell her that he would be proud of her but it is ok to consider her step father her daddy because he is the one in her life raising her. I wouldn't advise ever taking her to jail to visit him there really is no point. When she is an adult she can make this decision herself.

Answer 6

You are a mirror image of my life.I myself have three angels-7-2-and 8 months old.My husband is the father of the later two.My oldest spent a few years asking about her other daddy and it got us nowhere but dealing with hurt feelings.I tried to keep him in a positive light,but that made her feel worse for he never made a good effort.We finally had to sit down and be honest with her.That her biological father loves her but has made to many bad choices in his life to do the things he should be doing.He did wrong and has to handle the consiquences of his actions.Do not try to add details it will just confuse, stay loveing ,honest and be there for her . Feel the situation out ,it will come to you as you go.Make sure your husband is in the conversation.Have faith in yourself and your daughter.My own has decided he is a bad influence but still loves him and sais a prayer now n' then for God to watch him.None of this will be very easy but love , patience, honesty and understanding is the best avenue..best wishes ...

Answer 7

Explain to your daughter in a gentle way that her biological Dad has done some mean things in his Life and has to pay for them, and that he will never be able to see her other than in a Prison. Also explain to her that she had nothing to do with what he did, and your husband NOW loves her very much and will always be her dad, same as he is with Corey and Amber. Just Love her as much as you can and she will be ok Mom.

Answer 8

I think the best thing to do is just be honest. Tell her her father did a bad thing and got sent to prison for it. SHe is old enough to understand that much at least. Tell her she cant go see him now but if she still wants to when she is say 13(or whatever age you choose) she can go see him and ask him the important why ?s only he can really answer.

Answer 9

Tell her the truth in very simple terms. You don't have to go into alot of detail. Answer her questions and leave it at that. Daddy is in jail for doing a very bad thing, etc.

Answer 10

Maybe it is time for Grace to either write and ask her biological father, or visit him so she can ask him herself. Just explain that you would be giving your own opinions, and she needs to find some answers by herself to make her own opinions.
You will never be able to stop her from wondering, but the only way (in my opinion) to satisfy her curiosity is to have the answers from the source, not a bystandard.