She is 15 and has many problems both medical and psychological. I told her that she would be running away from her problems and that would not solve them. I told her to sit down and TALK to her mother and whoever she is having a problem with. I also told her she needs to get her emotions under control because no one can make her feel bad except her...if she has control over her emotions no one else can control her. I don't want to be the bad guy by saying no to her but I don't think she is at an age where getting away from problems will solve anything. Her mother has a live-in boyfriend but he is not the problem and there are also 6 other children in the household...so a big part of it is she is feeling resentful of sharing attention.
2007-03-08 11:28:48 · 17 answers · asked by gr8t_wishes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you are being very wise. She may come to feel resentful of this as well, but she does need to at least try to sit down and talk with her mother and whoever else the problems are with before removing herself from the situation. The situation calls for close attention and monitoring because there is more to it than whatever she has mentioned so far. She should be receiving medical care, both physical and psychological; adolescence is hard enough without additional problems. She needs empathy and compassion, not pity, and may need to be allowed to "escape" to your home for set time periods, that is, if you live near enough to each other. Consider setting up a schedule or protocol of some kind so she knows at least for one day a week or a few days a month or whatever works for the two of you, that she she can get away from her situation to a safe, peaceful place. Many blessings to you both and may you be guided by wisdom.
2007-03-08 11:35:07 · answer #1 · answered by minfue 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My grandmother would have let me stay with her. As much as you don't think so, the boyfriend IS a problem. She's 15 and she lives in a dysfunctional family with her mom, her moms new boyfriend and 6 other brothers and sisters, probably in poverty. No wonder she has emotional problems, I doubt that her mother has any time for her.
Its up to you. You are under no obligation to have to take your granddaughter in. If you want to, it would probably help her to not be around all of that dysfuntion- you'd probably see a big change right away just from being out of the situation in which she lives. Bottom line- Your choice entirely. You aren't a bad grandma if you don't but my grandmother would have let me live with her if my situation was the same as your granddaughters. Good luck!
2007-03-08 19:35:36 · answer #2 · answered by Katie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was 14 years old I went to live with my grandparents because my parents were having some problems and I was beginning to be a pain in the butt for them. I lived with my grandparents for 3 years, until my parents split up and then I went back to live with my mom. I think it was a good idea for me to get out of my parents house because it was such an emotional time for them, and being a freshman in highschool I had my own problems and emotions to deal with. I guess it really depends on what the problem is here but I would say that it would be a good idea for her to get away, even if it is just for a little while, and get control over everything and then if she feels up for it, move back in with her mom. I hope this helped! Good luck!
2007-03-08 19:38:15 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so far you've given every reason why she shouldn't move in with you, but none why she should, this tells me a lot about YOU. She has medical issues and you don't rescue her? are you so afraid of not siding with you daughter that this girl is the sacrifical lamb? where's her real dad? i suppose he bailed out too.
give the kid a break, of course she doesnt want to live amoung a mob of people, that was her mothers decision. It won't be forever and yes other people can make her feel bad at her vunerable age, she does not know how to handle her homelife. She is going through changes and it sounds like there's no privacy for her there, very important in a young girls life. She needs a quiet room, mabey to read, to think, or talk in private on the phone, the cards are already stacked against this girl why don't you make a difference in her life? nobody is listening to this kid, 15, barely out of childhood, my pots and pans are older than her.
2007-03-08 19:43:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing you could do is make sure there is not an underlying problem she is acting out against. Make sure there is no inapproprate behavior between her and the live in boyfriend. She may be wanting to get away from that.
If it's not that... and she's just being a hormonal 15 year old... make her understand that you love her and will always be there for her, but her home is with her mother. She probably thinks she will be able to get away with more around you.
2007-03-08 19:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her to work out her problems...do what she has to to bring harmony to her relationship with her mother...be a positive part of the household...and then you will talk about her coming to live with you (providing her mom agrees to it) for the next school year...If she is not being abused (it would be a different story if she was) then I don't think it is a good idea for her to run from her problems...it will only reinforce bad handling of problem solving skills in the future. You will have to use your judgment since you have more info then us...maybe she really really needs rescuing...maybe there is too much dysfunction for her to have victory there...but if not I would go with my first advice...Be Blessed.
2007-03-08 19:36:53 · answer #6 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound like you have both feet planted firmly on the floor. If you take your granddaughter in then she will have to listen to what you have to say and take notice of it. I think if it were just you and her then she would have all of your attention and would listen to you.Maybe away from all the rest of the family she will feel like she is valued or cared for. Maybe just a little spoiling from her gran will make her feel better about herself.She will have to realise though that she will not be "getting away " with anything because she moves in with you. You will have to be strong and stick to your guns but you sound like a lady who will do just that. Keep in touch with her mum all the time to let her know what's going on. I wish you well!!
2007-03-08 19:43:35 · answer #7 · answered by Moira S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let her do it , if the situation she is in is not a happy one for her she will be unhappy and probably do things that no one wants maybe turn to drugs or running away and not just to your house. She will learn for herself if that was the right decision and later might regret it but its all a learning experience she needs to see in her own eyes. Unless you cannot physically or financially do it . i say give it a try .. GOOD LUCK
2007-03-08 19:33:48 · answer #8 · answered by taytay_1009 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has to learn that sometimes she is going to have to share attention and this is preparing her for the real world. You are right, she can't run away from her problems. She needs to learn how to deal with things. Let her know you love her and you will be there to support her but it's not her choice to stay where she wants to stay until she's older.
2007-03-08 19:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by Nette 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well from my experience grandparents can sometimes be the best therapy. Let her hang out with you, comfort her and make her feel special. I think that will be enough
2007-03-08 20:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by SupaMonkey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋