I have a friend and his girlfriend told him that she was raped some years ago and she never told anyone before but him until now. He was so upset about it, he told her that they couln't see each other anymore...... What would you have done?
2007-03-08 11:18:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Would have been supportive. . until her trauma affected our relationship both personal and intimate, then if she was not able to try and get past it, then I would have to move on because my happiness is relevant too.
2007-03-08 11:23:21 · answer #1 · answered by Matticus Kole 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I realize you asked for **guys** replies, but I couldnt' help myself....
I have been raped. More than once. In a real nasty brutal way.
I don't believe that ANY girl would come out and tell some guy that she's only JUST started dating that such a thing happened to her.
It's not like saying "hey, i went to a party last week!" It's extremely embarrasing and painful and most victims never tell anyone.
When I was in high school, i knew soooo many girls who would tell their boyfriends the exact same thing. "I was raped, and you're the only person I've EVER told."
It's bullcrap and it's a disgusting ploy for attention.
I don't believe this girl was ever raped, and I don't blame him for leaving her.
2007-03-08 11:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Moonfrolly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What your friend has done is immature and insensitive. I understand he could have been overwhelmed by his girlfriend confiding in him about such a big issue if she has never told anyone before. He might have felt very out of his depth and that the sole responsibilty of helping her with it fell to him - a frightening thought for someone clearly so clueless. But you say he finished with her because HE was so upset?! Upset how exactly? It was his girlfriend who went through the horror of a rape and then lived with the secret for years. Did he not consider that however 'upset' he felt, it must pale in comparisson to the devastation that she must be dealing with?
Your friend did the worst thing he could have done to his girlfriend. Why do you think she didn't tell anybody? Because she felt dirty, ashamed, frightened, perhaps thought that nobody would believe her. Your friend has just confirmed her worst fears by acting as if she is soiled, damaged goods somehow; no longer suitable to be his girlfriend. She probably feels more dirty and ashamed than ever. She might feel the rape was her fault in someway, which it's obviously not, and your friend has just made her pay the price for it. Disgusting.
At least one good thing has come out of this: she has got this pathetic excuse for a man out of her life for good. Let's hope the next person she confides in (if she ever dares to) shows the sensitivity, compassion, understanding and humanity that she must so desperately need.
To Moonfrolly: I don't believe you were raped.
2007-03-08 11:38:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if i had a girlfriend and she told me this, I'd feel for her. I'd ask about what happened, if the person who committed this act is in jail, and before that I would have asked her if she went to the police and if there was a trial.
Anyway, if my girlfriend told me about it this must mean she's comfortable enough around me to share personal things with me. It means she's most likely interested in me. I wouldn't really advance the relationship into anything sexual, but rather be very respectful of her, and treat her well. Most of all, I'd continue to do things we can enjoy together. I'd wait for her to tell me when she's ready to have sex or be more intimate. But I wouldn't leave her. I always want people around me to feel comfortable and happy.
Anyway, I'm with her for a reason, because I like being with her, so I wouldn't act weird and leave her. That's the stupidest thing to do.
Looking at the question it looks like she never told anyone before. This may mean she didn't tell the police or filed charges. A lot of the times, people who have been raped are afraid to tell people for a variety of reasons. I'd never leave her for that, I'd be with her. I'd also ask if the person who did it is someone she knows and is still around the area. I would want to bring this criminal to justice, because I rank this as one of the worst things someone can do to a person.
In this case, since this dude/dufus left your friend, he doesn't deserve to be with her. So hopefully your friend can meet someone new and is a person who is compassionate and respectful. One day she will have someone loving who she can perhaps start a family with and enjoy life. She should ignore the guys who just want sex. I don't particularly like to be friends with these type of guys because they don't understand true respect. I want to get to know people properly and in the right way, and just be a friendly person.
2007-03-08 11:42:52 · answer #4 · answered by athletic dude 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
UGH! I know Im a girl but I cant help but answer this question. Thats ridiculous to break up with her! obviously she likes and trusts him enough to tell him her past! rape is an awful thing that you can never get past!! she needed a shoulder to cry on and he yanked it away. Why was he upset?! Shes the one who should be upset!!!!! Just because she was raped? Thats awful and you know what they say....what goes around comes back around.
Poor girl. She never should have went out with his sorry immature *** in the first place.
2007-03-08 11:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by Becca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i would not. i think ur friend was using bad judgement it wasnt her fault she was raped and the last thing she needs is the one person she tells to be a jerk about it.
I would have been calm and asked her if she wanted to talk and if she didnt i would leave it at that.
2007-03-08 11:24:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's a coward. I would have stayed in the relationship if I felt it was going to go somewhere. She trusted him with something incredibly deep and personal, and in return he has contributed more emotional damage, further isolating her from forming meaningful connections with men. It's a horrible situation and I hope she can still keep her ahead afloat.
2007-03-08 11:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by peersignal 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's wrong to me. It's like saying its her fault! In a way it is making her a victim all over again. That guy is just wrong. No wonder some people don't report stuff like this!
2007-03-08 11:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by the anomaly23 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may show that the girl has emotional problems from the incident but it should not give the guy a reason to bounce. That guy is a f*cking jerk.
2007-03-08 11:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by BunnyLove1984 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a jerk. She is better off without him.
I would question the value of my friendship with him.
He is certainly entitled to his own feelings.... and if it is that big a deal for him.... then he has to do what he has to do.
But... and this is a big but.... how could you trust him that he would let you down when you need him most?
2007-03-08 11:23:19 · answer #10 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋