How do you discipline a 7 yr old boy who?...?

Question

How do you discipline a 7 year old boy who just doesn't care about consequences for his actions? He constantly gets in trouble at school, such as knocking a book out of someone's hands, throwing a kids jacket in the mud, (he thinks it's funny), etc. His teacher has even made a journal for his daily behavior. He is NOT my child but my boyfriend's, I'm at my wit's end... He listens better to me than to his own parents but I feel they need to do the disiplining and not rely on me.

We have tried many approaches such as...
Time outs (he will sit there all day if he had to)
Taking away privilages (T.V., video games, etc.)
Writing sentences (100, 200, etc)
Going to bed early,
you name it...
he just doesn't care beyond getting a whoopping.

I believe he has classic symptoms of ADD or ADHD...

Answer 1

If he is living with you even if just on weekends, then he is your responsibility to discipline as well. Sounds like it's time to try spanking, nothing else seems to work.
Kids generally get this behavior learned from somewhere. Stop the source and it will make it easier.
It could be medical as ADD. I am surprised the school hasn't talked about getting him checked. A lot of schools nowadays, the first thing they want to do is get a child medicated. Sad story when usually it's not a medical issue that they are treating. Most ADD cases are simply bad parenting either direct or letting them be under bad influence.

Answer 2

If you have to take something away then it is NOT a privlege. I never had to take away a privlege from my daughter...she EARNED them on a daily basis. If she wanted to watch television she would have to behave all day in order to get an hour of television...I didn't just hand her the remote and say there you go...and when she disobeyed say "give it back". That isn't discipline that is punishment...and it rarely works...you proved it. Writing sentences? What is that going to do other than make his hand tired to the point of suffering from repetive stress syndrome and cause him carpal tunnel, besides making him learn to HATE writing all together? Going to bed early? Well if he has a television, video game system, stereo in his bedroom that does nothing. Just because YOU beleive he has classic symptoms of ADD or ADHD doesn't mean he does...Only a doctor can diagnose it...I believe he has the classic symptoms of a child who has never been truly disciplined...punished yes...taut discipline no.

Answer 3

Well whether he has ADD or ADHD, he needs to be seen by a child psychologist, who has an initial visit with his father and perhaps you (if mother isn't around...). Then a few visits one on one with the boy to ascertain behavior patterns and merely get to know him.

I had some similiar trouble with my own son early on, but after doing this, things became more clear about his personality and our ability to parent. I can't stress enough, the significance of having this done NOW...for him, his Dad, for you...

If it comes down to a desire to medicate this boy, you need to know you've done all you can to find a workable solution first without meds. -But don't discount that he may need them for awhile. On the other hand, there are a variety of techniques out there. My first guess is, that he is lost in a classroom of 25 kids or more and should be in a more structured enviornment with fewer children. Yes, a private school probably. Though you may not be able to afford this alternative and I am reluctant to endorse it.

I wish you luck, you sound like a caring soul...this boy needs help NOW though, so please consider getting him under the care of a qualified, certified child psychologist to help him...

Goodluck.

Grace

Answer 4

Excellent question and I am glad you felt confident in all of us to share your problem.

First off, you say that you have used time-outs, removal of privileges, Writing sentences, early bed time and so on. Have you just simply talked to him in order to learn of why he acts out?

Normally when a child acts out and is in the same position he is in (parents divorced), the root of everything seems to stem out of anger or neglect from the divorce itself.

See if you can understand why he does what he does. Sit him down, just you and he, and talk with him. Use words of his vocabulary and don't put blame on him; trust me, i know it will be hard. Let him do most of the talking and see if you can get him to understand what he does is wrong. Once again, it will not be an easy task. In fact, it may take several more of your talks to get him to come to this realization.

You say you have used all the ideas in your book of discipline and still no result. Toughen up on him then. When you ground him from T.V., make sure he has no access to T.V. at all. When you take away privileges and ground him to his room, take everything away and literally take them out of his room so that all remains is a bed and a dresser full of clothes. That just emphasizes that you mean business.

I hope I could help you out and I don't want to take up too much space on here.

Answer 5

If his parents agree to have him tested, the school cannot deny their request for testing. I would recommend that course of action. If he doesn't have ADHD or some other issue, then it's time for some seriously hardcore behavior modification. It's time to TIVO Super Nanny and pop some popcorn. Very specific and direct language is important, and so is positive attention for positive behavior. Best wishes!

Answer 6

Schedule a conference with ALL the parental figures, the teacher and the principal and come up with a plan together.

He needs to know that the parents and teachers are all on the same side and that he can't "pull one over on mom and dad" and that you know everything that happens in school. I would be in daily communication with the teacher via email or phone. (Methods that the kid can't mess up by not delivering notes!) And I would consider reading the messages to him/letting him hear the voice mails.

What consequences does he face AT SCHOOL when he does these things? If most of the behavior problems are at school, I would address what happens AT school when he misbehaves. Does he ever lose the privledge of recess? Have to go to the Dean's office? Etc?

I am willing to guess, with mom and dad not together and (no offense meant) a "substitute mom" doing most of the discipline in his life, he has some emotional issues that need to be dealt with. Getting to the source of the problem is what is most likely to solve the problem. Is his bio-mom involved with his life? Who does he live with? Does he get bounced around a lot? Does he have a consistent routine and consistent boundaries?

Answer 7

Sounds like this child is in dire need of a hug. He's looking for attention and obviously not getting enough from his parents. You might suggest some alone time with his Dad, take him to a hobby store to see if he likes something and focus his energy on something positive. What are his talents? Hitting or punishing him may not solve the problem. He needs some positive attention. See a psychologist.

Answer 8

I in basic terms love how everybody needs to decide different peoples parenting. I genuinely have a 7 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous step son and he can get into difficulty too. :) besides, have you ever tried giving compliment while they're behaving genuine? I genuinely have a three 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous (who's a discomfort..yet wonderful), a 7 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous who acts like a discomfort, and one on the way. For my step son we provide him numerous compliments while he behaves, and continually clarify to him that a thank you to do relaxing issues is to hearken to each and all of the regulations. (and we informed him all of us understand each and every thing he does). we don't advantages each and every sturdy difficulty he does...we clarify that we are watching for him to hearken to and so on. And maximum of all be company and consistant. Its particularly ordinary to permit babies destroy out with stuff once you may tell them repeatedly. It does make you drained. sturdy success and luxuriate in each and every minute! :)

Answer 9

He is probably rebeling because he is upset about his parents splitting up. It sounds as though you are doing the best you can and you would make a good parent yourself. When the mother is not there for whatever reason, try and help this boy as much as you can with discipline. Sometimes it can be in the genes that he is the way he is no matter how good you can foster him. But be there for him as much as you can.

Answer 10

Tell your boyfriend to talk to his sons doctor and have him tested for Aspergers. And get a book called the Stolen Child it has a lot of info on ADD ADHD & Aspergers Syndrome Good luck. Took two years to get them to listen to us. He is not meaning to be bad he just does not understand that what he is doing is wrong.