When you argue in front of your children, does it change who they are?

Question

Is this true? I've heard it before. [I think Oprah has said it hah]

If so, how does it change them? What kind of arguing affects them? Simple yelling arguments, or something more severe like physical abuse?

And how often would it have to occur to have an effect? Daily? Weekly?

Answer 1

Yes it affects them.
It's a double sided sword. A discussion is good because it allows them to see opinions being voiced and views exchanged.
A violent argument is just a confrontation, with words to justify it. So if by arguing you mean violent ones, then yeah it changes kids. Even once if it's bad.
What's really bad is that violent arguments are signs of exasperation, it teaches that being locked into a situation is acceptable.

Answer 2

I think that arguing doesn't affect children as much as how you argue and the aftermath of the argument. I know when I was a kid mom and dad used to get into some doozies of fights. Lots of yelling and crying but no hitting that I can recall. But I always knew that after the fight they'd talk things over and work things out so as scary as the fights could be they weren't permanently scarring to me.

I think if parents could follow that pattern of fighting or arguing and then showing the kids that conflict resolution does happen it's a lot less harmful that arguing on the sly, stopping whenever you notice the kid in hearing range and walking on eggshells around each other then. The kids know something is going on but never see how the adults handle it and never really know if anything gets "fixed".

And heaven help the kid who has to witness physical abuse. They have a long hard row to learn how people should effectively handle conflict.

Answer 3

Arguing in front of your children effects them for life (what they do with it though is out of your control.) I grew up in a house of constant arguing (some small, others big); I swore to myself that I would not raise my children in that type of environment. It also changes their outlook on relationships; just like an abusive relationship, if they are surrounded by "abuse (of any kind) they are more likely (not always) to believe that this type of behavior is acceptable. Some types of arguing can turn into mental abuse, which can stay with a child much longer. I don't think it matters how often the arguing occurs; children know when things aren't right. Although I will not argue in front of my children, they always know when something is wrong with our relationship.

Answer 4

I believe it does change them. first they see the parents upset and that makes them upset. then they tend to feel like its their faught for some reason.blame themselves.and it will eventually teach them that that is the way to handle a problem. so when u are trying to figure out what is wrong with them they will end up yelling at u cause thats the only way they know how to respond, since thats what u have taught them.as far as physical abuse, i would think it would work the same way but have no experience on that.it also will effect them right then, since thats when their emotions take a different turn.everything u do around your children affects them as soon as u do it.u just may not notice as fast as they do.

Answer 5

Anytime you argue in front of kids, can affect them emotionally that they will start to show behaviors themselves to not only their siblings, but to you as a parent. Yelling or fighting can affect them and it is not a good example to have them see you and your spouse argue because they want to see two loving parents, not two animals fighting.

If they see physical abuse, it is possible that they will abuse their partner, spouse, or themselves as adults and they will show bad behaviors around other kids in school, in class, or at home and even with the law. And majority of the time they will carry that with them to other relationships as they grow up. They learn everything from home, and that's where it starts.

Any time can affect a child, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly etc....

I have heard of many, many children who have blocked it off from their memory that they even become stronger and succeed in life as they are growing up, with no problems, not many people can do this without seeking professonal help or even help from God.

When two parents have a misunderstanding or disagreements, they should not have that discussion in front of kids. They should take their discussion to another room and talk as grown adults. Letting the kids know that they will be talking and not arguing.

Again, kids need a loving environment to where they can see two parents loving and caring for each other. That's where they get their teachings from is from their parents, which starts from the home.

Answer 6

Arguing in front of your children changes a great deal on them. What they see you do, they will start to pick it up in their problems as they grow up. Any arguing like screaming and yelling, even physical abuse will change them. They will start to do it. They will also change their language. The more they see it the more they will be convinced to do it.

Answer 7

If it a yelling argument is show your kids that they can yell at you and other people to the way is changes them is that they lose respect for you. If it some thing like physical abuse that means that they can do it to who every your doing it to. Again they lose respect for you.

Answer 8

When you yell in front of your children, I believe it shows it's alright to yell at others. They start to think their parents don't care for each other or they might think you'll not like them sooner or later. You could be teaching them bad things in your arguments that they could carry on. If it's really loud and yelling going on, then they could be more frightened as they grow up. Thats just what I think.

Answer 9

If you argue in front of your children it might change who they are. When they grow up they think that its right to argue in front of their children. Is that the kind of person you want your child to grow up to be. Physical abuse is illegal and will lead children to rehabs and other serious and damaging issues in their lives.

Answer 10

No not at all, my parents argue in front of my brothers and me all the time, and we turned out just fine.