How long after a miscarriage should you no longer be grieving?

Question

I miscarried four years ago and I still feel guilty and depressed about it every day. I'm begining to think it's time to get help. I have two other children to think abotu and I still think abotu the one I lost. It has gotten to the point where I get aggitated easily, I have trouble sleeping, and I feel that because I lost a child, I don't deserve the two children I do have. Another thing, after I had my youngest I had severe Post Partum Depression. I stopped taking my meds cold turkey when she was abotu 9 months old. She'll be two next month. I'm wondering if I could still be suffering from PPD or if it's deeper than that. I know I need to get back to the doctor and I will as soon as possible. I just wanted to get some opinions first.

Answer 1

The length of the grieving period varies between individuals. Four years, however, is longer than I've ever heard of anyone going through the stages of grieving. You absolutely should get back to the doctor asap.

Another reason to get to that doctor is that you stopped taking your meds cold turkey--this is dangerous, and in some cases, fatal. As you said, you do have other children to consider, and I'm sure that you do not want to do anything to shock or harm them.

You are never, ever supposed to stop taking psych meds cold turkey--you are supposed to be weaned off these pills (if the doctor thinks it's appropriate) extremely gradually. When I was running low on meds, and unable to afford the doctor and meds, I cut my pills up into pieces--just so that they would not get completely out of my system all at once. The pieces were not doing a great job--but they did prevent me from getting a seizure.

I wish you good health, and please get to the doctor asap. If it's a money thing--call your ER and ask for the phone number of the free/sliding scale mental health clinic closest to you. If absolutely necessary, just get to the emergency room--and they will set you up for follow-up at such a clinic.

Answer 2

I lost a baby in '93'. I still think about it all the time.U may 4 the rest of yur life.I'd say that mayb u shuld go ahead & go in 2 get some meds.It won't take it away.But,mayb it can make it a lil easier.Mayb talking 2 the Dr can help u 2 learn how 2 cope w/yur feelings a lil better.I wish u the best.Just always remenber that the 2 children u have now still need u.*

Answer 3

I can understand your grief. I do not think there is a time limit on our grief, especially one over a loss such as yours. However, you need to realize the difference between grief and depression. It sounds to me as if you are depressed. It does not seem as if your PPD was ever resolved. You may have a tendency toward depression, as I do. When there is a trauma or a physical change the depression worsens. As you probably know, you should not have stopped the medication cold turkey. Doing that causes its own set of problems. Depression does not mean that you have to be on medication forever, but you do need to go off of it under a doctor's care.

We never get over a loss, such as your baby, but once the depression resolves you will be able to handle it better.

I hope that you get a sympathetic doctor who will work with you on medications, etc. Every medication does not work for everyone. Give it time to work, but know when to give up and try another medication. Your doctor should be able to tell you when you will start to notice a difference.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I've lost two children. One to SIDS and the other to miscarriage. I know how hard it is to let go. I think you may benefit from some counseling. It may help you to get those feelings out of you. It seems like you may have a history of depression and you really would feel better if you got some help. I know because I've been there. It's going to hurt but it is better with some counseling.

Answer 5

I lost my son, miscarried, in 2004. I lost his dad a month and a half after I found out I was pregnant. I relied a lot on my mom, we still talk about my son every day. It's okay to be grieving, your baby was a part of your life, you have every right to be sad about it. My sister got pregnant a month after I lost him, which made it so hard... So, I started taking St. John's Wort as well as Evening Primrose Oil which has made it easier to cope. You aren't alone, trust me. You'll never get over your baby, but it will be easier to deal with in time. I don't know how you feel about making memorials, but I made one for my son. I cried so hard doing it, but afterwards I felt more at peace. www.babybreathmemorials.com

One last thing (This will sound corny)... For Valentine's Day I wrote my son a letter and taped it to a balloon. I cut the string on the balloon and it made me feel lighter. I know it's crazy to think he got the balloon, but it did kind of make me feel like that was my last way of contacting him. I got all my feelings out, and believe it or not, I haven't cried for him since.

Answer 6

Instead of feeling that you don't deserve the two children you have feel thankful that you have them and never blame yourself for what happened. I think it would be a good idea to see somebody about, and stop torturing yourself over it. Four years is long enough to do that to yourself.

Answer 7

You will grieve the rest of your life. It's okay, you lost a child. I would be more concerned if you did not grieve. Talk to a professional if you think it well help, but the grief will be with you always.

Answer 8

Speaking from experience I can honestly say that it's been 8 years now for me and I still morn my loss. You will probably morn for the rest of your life, fortunately the pain isn't always as intence.

Answer 9

You have suffered enough. It's time to get on some anti-depressants and see a therapist. You don't have to suffer like this.