opinions: 17 dating a 13 year old : opinions please?

Question

Im 17, turned it march 3rd... im dating a 13 year old at my CHURCH, we are both christians and will NOT be haven SEX.

before you comment this, I know the law, i wont have sex, and even if i did there would be no charges pressed!

ok anyhow im dating this girl at my church iv knowen years. I genually like her, we have fun together and she thinks im the nicest guy and she loves the way i treat her. her parents are divorced so her dad is out of the way. her mother on the other hand ADORES me, she loves me, shes approves on the relationship and so does my family. We really like eachother and do not wanna wait 5 years to even express are feelings (not in sex....) Since we are both christians we would both wait till marriage.

whats your guys opinions on it? NOW REMEMBER, WE WILL NOT HAVE SEX, AND IF WE EVEN DID, THERE ARE NO CHARGES PRESSED ON ME ANYWAY SO DONT BRING THAT UP!

about maturity levels.. shes very mature thats one of the reasons i like her and not the other girls... even the ones my own age kinda just sicken me...

and about future... after high school im gonna work my own hours for my dad and go through fire academy. I am the same person iwas when i was 13, nice, caring, christian... the only thing besides maturity level is my body.. and sex isnt hard to fight off.. and like i said she is very mature and has persay developed.. in life.

Answer 1

o.k. let's put the sex thing aside......this girl is only 13 and she will be doing a lot of changing in the next few years. Just remember how much you have changed from 13 to 17. It can be very hard to figure out who you are at that stage in life, and trying to make a relationship work.....my advice.....stay friends and let her and you do some more maturing.....see where things are in 4-5 years. If it is meant to be it will, just give it (and her and you ) time to grow.

Answer 2

I'm a bit surprised that a 13 y-o gets on well with a 17 y-o, but if that is the case then fair enough. If both families approve then there's probably nothing dodgy going on. A 13 year-old girl is usually capable of breeding, so biologically there is no reason she should not have a boyfriend. A few hundred years ago, 12 and thirteen year-olds were betrothed and married off without a second thought.

I don't really know what you mean by "We really like each other and do not wanna wait 5 years to even express our feelings". You can express your feelings by saying "I think you are really cool and when we are old enough I think it would be great to get married". No problem there.

The main danger is that 13 year old girls and 17 year old boys do not have much emotional maturity but do have strong sex-drives. So you need to play it very safe and not do anything remotely like sex. Do not be alone together in private ever. The sex instinct (or the devil if you like) is very subtle. You will think everything will be fine or you can just maybe do something fairly minor and it won't matter, but you may be surprised at how wrong things can go. So no hugs and kisses without a parent present.

Legally, a 13 year-old is not considered capable of consenting to sex. This means if you did have sex, you would have comitted rape. If anyone found out, charges would be pressed, make no mistake about that. The police do not look kindly on child rapists. If the mother consented to it, she may be liable to prosecution too (I'm no expert on the law) or at least judged an unfit parent with the result that the daughter would be taken into care of some sort. But you are not going to have sex, so this will not be a problem.

The other thing that you should bear in mind is that in the next 8 years you will both grow up a lot and might find that you grow apart. At 21/25 one of you might decide that splitting up would be a much better idea than getting married.
My 14 year old sister had a 17 year old bf for 5 years, but when she came home after her first term at university, she thought "What the hell am I doing with this idiot?" and that was the end of that. If your girl gets to 21 and you both still want to get married then you've got a good chance it will work.

Answer 3

I can't believe these answers! Good Gosh-13! You've got to be kidding! I cannot seriously believe that her mother and your family would approve of a romantic relationship between you and a 13 year-old girl... She's a child! She probably doesn't have a firm conceptual knowledge of what romance is yet, and likely, neither do you at 17!

That's not to mention all the changing and growing up she has to do and the experiences she'll gain between now and the time she is your age.

If you truly love her...leave her alone to benefit from those experiences without your guidance and "smothering." True love will still be there when she grows up.

When you become a father, you'll know where I'm coming from.

Answer 4

age really is nothing but a number, but i don't know how mature either of you are. that's really what it is all about. i know i am not the same person i was when i was 13 and that was 6 years ago. i am not the same person i was when i was 17 and that was 2 years ago. i am not the same person i was 6 months ago. people change. you have to make sure that both of you are changing in the same direction and are working on the relationship. also, when you graduate and go to college or wherever, there is a whole world out there that is nothing like where you live. trust me. you might find someone else. you might not be able to relate to her on a mental level like you can now. you will be in one world and she will be in another. i have seen countless high school relationships die because of the separation they go through after one graduates. and i have seen significantly less survive, but i have seen them nonetheless. if you both want this to work out, you need to put extra work into it.

Answer 5

What sort of a future do you envision? Do you want to go to college, have kids? If you do then finish school and then get married, if you love one another trully then time will not take you away from one another. But you are very young and your feelings though they are very strong can in time change, she is especially young for such an intense relationship. If you really want this to last then wait until she's finished school and you can support her and she has had time to grow a bit. Think of how you would feel if you rushed into it and five years down the road one of you has grown apart from the other? It happens and though you may not want to hear it, it is known to happen mostly to very young couples.

Answer 6

Age is not the issue. If you respect each other and have a great friendship then keep it that way. She will be going through alot of changes in the next couple of years. Stay friends, friends can hang out together, go the movies, do what ever. She is going to need someone that she trusts to help her mature. Be there for each other. You dont need to be bf and gf. Good luck and may God bless you!

Answer 7

Er, how should I put this. It's good that you like her a lot and she likes you. It just sounds a little bit odd. But then again it's only a four year difference. If you are planning on marrying sometime soon then I would have to think that it's wrong. Honestly I don't see much of a problem with it. I think it's fine, and I hope you two have a good future together.

Answer 8

i think it's cool. i mean if u guys are on the same level of maturity then thats good, and if ur families approve then u dont need anyones advice, u just followed ur heart which is awesome. sex is just another way of showing love and passion, its not a crime in my opinion so dont worry about that but yeah shes too young for that yet so its good to wait.

good luck.

Answer 9

Well, i think later on in life 4 years is not such a huge difference, but right now when she is 13 it kind of is. Maybe that doesnt bother you now but it may later, so I would take a little time to think that through.

Answer 10

You cant stop "true" love.....i have a friend whos parents are 12 years apart. When you get older...4 years wont seem like a big diffrence. At young ages years like that seem far apart. like 20 & 24...isnt much at all...good luck with the relationship....good luck....♥♥