Hello, I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now, and he recently got enlisted in army sometime after we started going out. Recently the only contact is through letters, phone calls, and when he gets a vacation. He recently wrote me a letter that stated that he has never met a girl like me before and that i treat him entirely different than his ex's. He wrote to me that he can never betray me because he has never had a girlfriend who felt so strongly about him. He said he cheated on 2 ex's because the first one cheated on him. The second one he says was about to breakup with him so he just cheated. I dont know why he is telling me this now, and by the time he gets my letter will be 14 days from now. Any advice why he would tell me all of a sudden? Do you think he just wants to lay all his cards on the table because he truly feels different for me, or have an underlying cause like he cheated on me and wants to see how i react to him saying he cheated on his ex? HELP!!!
2007-03-08 08:01:58 · 18 answers · asked by Alisha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I see a lot of excuses and rationalization.
Generally speaking... once a cheater always a cheater.
2007-03-08 08:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by Jack Chedeville 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's very possible that he's changed. I cheated on some of my ex boyfriends but not the man Im with right now. If u truly love and respect someone u don't cheat. This man sounds like he loves you and he probably wanted to get this off his chest so u could have a better relationship.
2007-03-08 08:06:44 · answer #2 · answered by *VS* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he did it to you before, he will do it you again. I say you because by dumping him, he will learn that it is not acceptable. (basic psych 101, conditioning reward and punishment) If you take him back, he (even unconsciously) will think it is acceptable and forgiveable. You forgave him before, why wouldn't you forgive him again?
Next time he will be sneakier and you may not find out and he may not tell you.
Besides, there are MANY diseases out there. It is disrespectful to endanger someones biological entity, and even give them a death sentence (AIDS).
Even through use of a condom a person can still pass on and contract herpes and warts (hpv). Both are incurable.
If he did change, it wouldn't be that quick. Change takes time, just like drug addiction.
He's not even around! If you guys had been married for a long time and he had a one night stand, fine, forgive. But you guys haven't even been dating a yr. much less married for years and years. Come on. Be sensible. He will do it again. He thinks that by opening up that will give him credibility....and it's working. It's a ploy to trust him...and it's working.
Don't be with someone you can't/don't trust. Being with them will make you miserable and miserable to be with.
2007-03-08 08:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by shell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i were u i'd break up with him don't fall 4 the i sorry i didn't mean it because if he lied to u once he might lie to u again no one forced him to cheat on her.and joining the army must have been a trick to see how long u would have stayed in the relationship he problbe asked the other guys in the army who have cheated on girls befor what's the longest relationship you have been in and than went 1 day longer in a relationship with you so he will think u that he is the best! if u deside to break up with him let us know if he quits the army
if he askes "why r you breaking up with me" u say "how do i know your not cheating on me now" and than say "buy" before he gets a chanch to say anything eles leave or hang up the phone if u deside to do this hurray your single time to date new boys or girls what ever u like. this message will hont the people who r cheating i think nobody can chage once they have cheated on past prent furture dates.
2007-03-08 10:12:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you said it already...he's either already cheated or thinking about it and wants to know how you'll react to his admissions of previous cheating. It's possible he's changed, but based on what you've said here, I think he's basically looking to know how "understanding" you'll be when he finally cheats on you (and gets caught). He probably feels really strongly about you right now because he misses you. That non-betrayal thing will eventually wear off, though.
This is all purely subjective and you'll never know for sure anyway unless he admits to it. So, you can choose to either trust him or not trust him.
2007-03-08 08:13:32 · answer #5 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has given you no reason not to trust then you should trust him. Maybe you are the one for him and you are better than his exs. Maybe he truely sees that and doesn't want to screw it up. You know in your heart. I do think that there are people who can change. I don't believe the saying once a cheater always a cheater. Its not true. Alcoholics can change and jump off the wagon!
2007-03-08 08:08:56 · answer #6 · answered by beaches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah he might just be laying the cards on the table , coming out clean with you because he really likes you and wants to be honest with you. on the other hand if he just got in listed to the army.... welll if he is sent to iraq or depending on how long he stays at camp he will eventually cheat on you either with one of the few girls over there or he will get some anal action from the buddies , thats exactly what happends. just like prison.
2007-03-08 08:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by Cj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you can do is question a man constantly and show insecurity. that is a major turn off for men. instead show confidence by showing trust. if you know that you are a good woman and any man would be a fool to cheat on you then you have nothing to worry about. dont stress him and don't stress yourself. you can't spend your life obsessed with someone elses decisions or thoughts no matter how much you love them. men respect a confident woman that is sure of herself.
dont question him, let him do his thing and you just worry about doing yours.
2007-03-08 08:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by OpenMePoet 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They always say "your different than all the my other ex's" but in the end its always the same results. Once the feeling of a "new" relationship wears off, he'll be wondering if theres still "better" out there.
2007-03-08 08:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by dallyally 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always believed that once a cheater always a cheater but that's just me. From the sound of it, it could be just him trying to get on the straight path with you and keeping everything honest and out in the open. I would though ask him why he is telling you this now and not 8mos. ago when you started dating. Just don't let your guard down!
2007-03-08 08:07:23 · answer #10 · answered by Lindsay C 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People ARE capable of change. It has been my personal experience that "once a cheater, always a cheater". However, there ARE people that can indeed change their ways. It sounds like to me that your bf truly cares about you and feels the need to confess to his prior "sins". perhaps he wants you to know how deeply he cares for you and he wants to be completely honest with you about who is was, wgo he is, and who he wants to be. Don't borrow trouble by second guessing his motive. Sounds like he loves you. Best wishes...
2007-03-08 08:09:20 · answer #11 · answered by Laneymom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋