There's this guy. We've known each other forever. He's perfect for me. He loves me. We get along great. But I'm not attracted to him. It's not like I close my eyes and pretend he's someone else -- I'm just not attracted to him. I had let him down several times before I finally decided that I care enough about him to give it a shot and see if something comes of it. But I'm still not attracted to him. What do I do? Should I just break up with him? Can I become physically attracted to him with time? I really wish I could just flip a switch and find him sexy!
2007-03-08 07:28:38 · 34 answers · asked by ay ya 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
1. He doesn't need to visit the gym. That's not the problem.
2. He dresses well. That's not the problem.
2. I do love him and I enjoy being sexual with him. That's not the problem.
3. I just don't find him aesthetically appealing.
2007-03-08 07:52:31 · update #1
Let him know how you feel, tell him you care for him and love him but you aren't attracted to him. If he is willing and you are as well, stick it out and see. Not everyone has lust at first site, sometimes you learn to be attracted to one you love. Maybe give him tips for making himself more attractive to you. But above all be honest with him, if you two are as close as you say he will appreciate the honesty.
2007-03-08 07:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by tylw85 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is a difference between a soulmate and a bedmate. We have been so poisoned by hollywood and romantic notions that we have totally lost touch with reality. Most old couple that have been married 50 yrs bearly talk to each other, let alone sex. Yet if one dies so will the other within a short time. They have truly become part of one another. Alot of arranged marriages start loveless and end up romantic.
You seem to be perfect in every sense except that. So why throw away 10 good points for 1 bad? If you have a safe reliable car that is dependable you keep it. It may not be the BMW you wanted; but its within your budget, dependable, and faithful. You are gonna toss back a good meal fish in hopes of catching the elusive "great white whale". Good luck!
Funny thing about flames and heat. Heat can get uncomfortable, and flames will burn you if you get too close. And the hotter the burn, the sooner it burns itself out. Stick with slow burning embers hidden beneath the ashes....
2007-03-08 07:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by D4gotten1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, sounds pretty rough... it can be hard to find someone attractive if it doesn't just pop...
The only way I can think of it is if you give him a chance to get you started... as long as he's not like filthy or dirty or something, or not horribly fat or something, anyone can be sexy if the mood is right for you...
Try changing the setting where you guys are together... entice him a little bit and see if he picks up the slack... if he really loves you, walking away from that can be a huge mistake, because it is hard to find someone who truly loves you...
And usually if you think someone is really hot... you aren't the only one, and they know it... and that's how you get cheated on.
My advice: Give this dude a few real chances to show you how sexy he can be before you call it off, and if he still fails after a couple months, talk it over and let him go...
Does he need to hit the gym? Offer to hit the gym with him or something, that can be a fun outing...
Also, some people really are excellent lovers even if they aren't the best lookers... do it with the lights off ;).
2007-03-08 07:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sexual attraction is what oftenmost may bring male and female together. Good old God is reported to have started with that, with a male and a female that should have sex together and so populate the Earth. But If you don't really boil for that guy of yours you might try to keep him as a good friend and even eventually as a good putative uncle for your future children. Provided of course that he would be delighted with such a putative function in your life, and provided also that the new "guy real love of your life" would accept that without being jealous in any way.
All this is a matter of strategy, a matter of sincerity and of friendly pride and of good style, and also a matter of talking a lot to each other and to others. Some solution will appear of itself, because solutions have their own wondrous life, their own unexpected occurrence. Now I can't write more. I have got some unromantic work to do. Ciao! and good luck to you!
2007-03-08 07:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by pasquale garonfolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by sticking with him. It's not always about the finest girl in the world as long as the one
I'm with makes me feel good to be around them. Of course there has to be some attraction but it's really not as important as some of the other things in a relationship. If you are still with him then you have to find something sexy or attractive that he does or you would not be with him. f you have to give him a small makeover and show him the finer things in life. But whatver you do don;t led him on to think it's gonna work and walk out on him, not a good idea. Good luck.
2007-03-08 07:38:41 · answer #5 · answered by ltwatkins77 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My mom did the same thing as you... she chose to marry a man she didnt love because h said he loved her and she would never find someone better. that was a BIG mistake. Sure, she had great kids (especially me :D) but she ended up just divorcing after a very painful marriage. If you have no love for him
2007-03-08 07:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by Em 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes if you find his inner qualities attractive, then that is really more important than his appearance.. especially if you get married.. you guys are going to get old/wrinkley/unattractive anyway, but you'll want him to be a good person on the inside....
On the other hand, if you FEEL you're going to eventually break up with him because of his looks, then don't go much further with him
2007-03-08 07:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is very normal. Just as someone already said, just be honest with him and let him know how you feel. Let him know that you care about him deeply but you don't feel the same (romantic) way that he feels about you. The danger is not letting him know. As difficult as it it, the sooner you let him know the better. That way he doesn't have his expectations too high and feel like "you lead him on". Just continue to be friends with him and if it's meant to grow into something it will. All the best!!!
2007-03-08 07:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Mandeville 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some guys are more like a brother than a lover. It sounds like you've found a guy like that. You say he's perfect for you, but if you're not attracted to him, he's not. Let him down gently and find yourself a real lover.
2007-03-08 07:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't force yourself to feel a certain way about anybody. So, be honest to him and yourself and end the relationship. If you care for him even a little, even as just a friend, you will let him go to find the one who will reciprocate his feelings, thus leaving you to find your man. Don't end up hurting yourself or him, it's not worth it.
Good luck
2007-03-08 07:32:59 · answer #10 · answered by ☼ Latina Loca loves Yayo ☼ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋