My wife and I are disagreeing on having a second child. She believes that having another child would kill her.

Question

She claims that she has a hard enough time with one. I don't think so, I think she is a great mom and a great wife. I just don't want my daughter to grow up without a sibiling and I also would like to try for a boy. I know , one cant predict that, but I do feel like I could handle sleepless nights again for awhile.

I am planning to shoulder most of the work and for my first child I am often the one who carries more of the burden. She doesnt stay home with our daughter, she works and we have our daughter in childcare.

Nana, you shouldnt assume that all husbands are useless. She doesnt "take care of me", I do the cooking and the cleaning up after, I do an equal amount if not more of the child reering of my daughter. She did get up most of the time with the first one because I was the one working at 7:30 everyday, so this is an area I am willing to help more at. I don't need to prove to her that I will be there to do more than my fair share of the work.

Answer 1

Why does she think that another child would kill her? Was her first pregnancy high risk? Is age a factor?
I agree that your daughter needs a sibling, and I don't think that your being unreasonable. Keep talking about it with her. Try to find out the specific reasons why she doesn't want any more children and come up with a solution. The reason can't just be the work load because you only have one child!

p.s. They say that doing it "doggie-style" there's a better chance for a boy....worked for me!!!! ;)

e-mail me!!!

Answer 2

You need to remember that your wife has to do the majority of the work. She has to carry the baby and then deliver it not to mention breastfeed, take care of you, the house and your other child. She probably is a great wife and mother but if she isn't ready for another child, you should not pressure her into having one. All you will succeed in doing is having her resent you for making her do something she doesn't want to do. Give her a little time, she may come around. If she doesn't then you should just focus all of your time and energy into your child. You could also seek therapy to find out the reasons she doesn't want another kid...did she have to get up most nights with the first one? Did she get stuck with the majority of household duties? Did you leave most of the caretaking to her? If so, that could explain why she doesn't want another one. You need to prove to her that you will be there to do more than your fair share of the work it takes to raise kids. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

It's not just a matter of you helping after the baby is born. What about the physical and mental strain of another pregnancy? You should never make a decision like this without 100% agreement on both parts...to do otherwise would be damaging to your marriage and family. Your wife has expressed she is not ready and you should leave it at that. Any pressure from you will lead to resentment. Your wife knows her own limits. To have another child when she is not mentally and physically ready will take away from her ability to be a good mother.

Answer 4

Well, you may very well be the most perfect husband and father in the world, but that doesn't negate your wife's feelings about the subject and no amount of support for your view from anyone else, particularly strangers on Yahoo Answers, matters more than her feelings on the subject. Since she is the one who has to carry the baby and give birth to it, and she is the one who has to be your partner in life to parent these kid(s) you need to respect her decision. You can bring it up once in a while, she may change her mind, but while she is feeling overwhelmed (even if you don't perceive it this way) the answer will likely remain negative. Be grateful that you have one healthy child. As an only child she will be the blessed recipient of 100% of Mom & Dad's attention and financial benefits and all of the advantages this brings.

Answer 5

Doees she have any reason medically for thinking that she will die? Or is she just thinking that she has too much to handle right now?
I bet you need to sit and talk to her calmly and just be honest. I did damn near die having my 2nd daughter. Bad epidural that started shutting down my system. But if she is ok medically then I dont' see how she can say no.
Unless she really feels like the lil one you already have is enough. Some people just are thrilled with the one that they get and don't feel the need for more. I myself wanted atleast 2. Both girls.
Just don't use this to start a fight. Women can get really edgy when things like this are the topic of a conversation.

Answer 6

Here's the question: how much of the work are you planning to shoulder and how much are you volunteering her for? I mean, does she stay home with your daughter? If you are only going to be around part-time (because of work), it's not really fair to her. However, if you help 50%, that's a different story.

I would suggest that you guys explore counseling. Not to say that there's anything wrong with your marriage, but it could be a venue for you two to discuss this.

It's also possible that she's depressed.

Answer 7

then maybe u should sit her down and tell her how u fill i can understand where your coming from because i wouldn't want my Little boy to grow up without a brother or a sister but then i can see where your wife is coming from because i have been through it myself and it is a painful experience that some women find to hard and it puts them off and i think that's the case with your wife and if that's the case then i would say that u need to sit down with jst the to of u and make your voice heard so she knows how u fill make sure u keep on filling her with confidence with how much of a good job she does with the one u have and be patient i hope sshe comes round good luck

Answer 8

buy a puppy...!