How many Military Spouses are really looking for another support group?

Question

I am a military spouse. I had joined a fairly large military support yahoo group. But all they seemed to do was judge the newbies to the Military lifestyle. So after finally having enough of all they complaining & judgement back and forth I left the group and started my own. My question is, do the military spouses really need another support group out there? I mean really, there is such a flux of information out there what could one more group possibly offer?

I don't do our Battalion FRG. They are a bunch of back bitting heifers. You can't say anything to them that doesn't travel the "chain of command". It's not worth the drama.

Answer 1

Part of a problem is the tension between the wives who have BTDT and the ones who are just learning.

When you're new to the lifestyle it's a huge crisis say when the boat e-mail goes down for the first few times. If you approach it by asking around in a huge panic you're going to get a pretty cold response from the seasoned wives who know that this is just normal operating procedure for the boat. But the older wives forget what it's like to have that panic, that "what if" thought that everyone has the first time communication goes away like that. And that's just one example from real life on our last deployment for DH's sub.

Both sides need to show some respect and learn to respond with dignity when asking and answering questions if a group is going to survive. Like you, I've been on some where the judgments got to be too much to deal with so I left. But I've been on others where the women are truly supportive and are now counted among my best friends.

And, yes, there's always room for another group. How the people relate changes from group to group. The more groups there are to choose from, the more likely people are to find the one that fits them best.

Answer 2

Male spouse here which means I am on my own mostly, we don't exist in the eyes of the Army for the most part.

I wanted the information the Company and Battalion leadership put out, but did not want the hustle of cackling hens, archaic "wives" organizations, etc at Ft Drum. Here is what I did at Ft Drum.

I sought my information at the installation level and dealt with the ESC/OSC circles. Much more down to business and far less of the gossip mongering insanity.

I don\t like the on line stuff unless there is a verification process to prove that the person is actually military and/or a family member. No, we do not need more groups though. We need to fix the FRGs and require a better standard of conduct from leaders, soldiers and spouses.

Answer 3

I avoid the FRGs at all cost. They really do just sit and talk about each other....it's like being back in high school! And I certainly don't want to be back there! I just make sure the key callers know my info so that I get all the important info and then just stick with the friends I already have. Some of them are military wives or were at one point so I still have that kind of support...but without having to worry about what I say and do being a topic of discussion later on. I think for some people these groups are ok but I don't like having my whole life wrapped up around my husband's career.

Answer 4

Personally, I don't. However, I might be more seasoned than some.

I can understand wanting to avoid your BN FRG.... I've certainly had my fill. I will never get over how MEAN wives can be. It's astounding. Having said that, it can be a good way to get info. (if you need it). Just don't talk to anyone or volunteer for anything... it'll keep you a much happier person!
:)

I'm with another poster who said all she needs is a friend or two. However, if you see a need, then by all means, go for it! You could be a great help to some spouses!

Good luck!

Answer 5

I have no need for FRGs. All my information comes from my husband. No time for backstabbing and rank games. So I skip the meetings and send husband instead. Bless him, it is mandatory for him so he has to go to the potlucks and bingo nights. The only phone call I want while he is deployed is for them to tell me when he is coming home. Otherwise, no contact, por favor.

And I personally dont need the support. Husband is all I need. Even when he is deployed, he is my greatest support. Many wives are a drain on my resources...always needing something, always coming to me to be a free babysitter (I dont work outside the home and always seem to be the go-to girl), always want to talk about all their worries and problems. I dont have enough energy to solve the worlds problems. I do try to help sometimes, but then I just end up getting used and taken advantage of. I just dont have time. I have to be there for my husband because he really DOES need me. Those "baby wives" as someone put it, need to stand up and realize that if they are going to be in this type of life, this is what you have to put up with. So if the "baby wives" want to get together and support each other because they are going through the same thing, then I applaud that. Because I certainly dont want to hear it. Sorry for being harsh (not really sorry), but I have been through 2 deployments, and husband is about to deploy again. Yes I worry, but I have no intention of burdening anyone else with my worries. And that is what I feel the constant whining and nagging of those younger wives are....a burden. I would never tell them that...I simply dont participate in things (support groups, FRG meetings, clubs) where I might hear some of that crap.

Answer 6

"spouses really need another support group out there?"

Retired Sponsor's view:

Great answers here, seems that a "specialized" small group is always something good, does not have to be formal FRG
or very website stuff. So your "small circle of friends" is a better term.

Military spouses of certain NCO's and officers are well really in a bind: some commands watch the wife as much as the soldiers and to "why" retain, promote. My sister hated the "barracuda wives" and the pressure of being a Captain's wife. He never made major (USMC). My lady was able to avoid the hassles by being useful with such as special needs, disabled kids, (she is a Physical therapist),
my heart goes out to all that have to deal with such as FRG's
that are not functional.

I serve as a volunteer with medically discharged and with a group of Active & Retired Aviator's (good link to civilian job world), we retired a bit south of Fort Carson, will "pet sit as in perhaps a horse or female dogs" and in the growing season I take up a few truck loads of melllons and such to that ESA or whatever it is called, good to read this:

Answer 7

I'm with the others finds some outside friends! I got a lot of friends who are military that are woman and a few that are wives. I tried the FRG Crap and it was a big waste. The woman where all 20 years older than me and all they talked about was having kids and what the other wife was doing. Just crap!!!

Answer 8

I joined one site that is based at Bragg. And the FRG - the commander's wife wouldn't even join.

Find a few friends that share similar likes.

Answer 9

You can start up a support on Meetup.com for seasoned military wives. I know what you mean. I was active duty before I became a D/S. I got tired of the complaining. I stopped hang out with "baby wives".

Answer 10

I go to the spouse section of military.com. The girls there are more understanding but they are also going to tell you the way it is without all the sugarcoating. They allow you vent but also give you the reality of whatever the situation is. I love the girls there. They really help make you laugh when you have a bad day.