Ok, i have 3 bridesmaids in my wedding. I'm getting married on july 7th and 1 of my bridesmaids told me last thursday that at the end of may she is moving to alaska!! WTF??!! I was so mad i didnt even know what to say. I've had time to think about it and she says that 2 weeks before my wedding shes flying down here for it and to be apart of everything but i dont see how this is gonna work. First and foremost, she doesnt have the finances to do this because at the moment she doesnt have a job, and what do i do?!! I dont want to worry the entire time if shes gonna make it and i dont wanna take the risk of saying, ok i'll trust u to be here, when i know that she probably wont and i'll end up with 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen, a $160 dress that i'll have to pay for, and the feeling of being let down. I just dont wanna take the risk, yanno? SO can someone help me tell her nicely that i dont want to take that risk? I dont want to hurt her feelings but i dont wanna take that risk. HELP!!
2007-03-08 05:22:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No reason to be mad at her. I'm sure that she did not decide to move just to ruin your wedding. People have to make decisions and live their lives.
That said, you have to do what you need to do as well. Just like she decided to move as the best decision for her, tell her that you have decided that you need bridesmaids that are going to be around between now and the wedding, if that is the way you really feel.
Good luck and congratulations.
2007-03-08 05:48:56 · answer #1 · answered by Patrick 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oooh boy...Well, if she had the money, I would think it would be a none issue (no thanks to her for not giving you a heads up sooner, though). Did she know that this could be a possibility before she said she would be your bridesmaid?
Either way, if this is a sure thing, then perhaps you should look for another bridesmaid. If you have the means to afford to fly her out, that is another option.
Sometimes these things do happen, so just go with the flow. Do you have anyone else that you want to have in your bridal party? An old friend? Co-worker? Cousin or sister? Even a brother (a mixed gender bridal party is not uncommon now)?
If not, it's up to you whether you/the groom want to cut back on a groomsman. Or, you could keep it the way it is. No one REALLY cares if you have 1 extra groomsman. Don't cut out a friend just because you feel pressure to. I would leave things as they are, personally. People will understand. They will be busy looking at YOU.
Tell her she still should pay for her dress, and that you are very sorry she can't be in your wedding.
Perhaps she will be able to find a way to pull it off. Either way, the day is getting closer. Give her maybe 2 months, and then ask someone else. She should still pay for her dress.
Good luck!
2007-03-08 05:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by reginachick22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch... like you need any more stress!
Well it doesn't sound like she is purposly trying to cause you an inconveience.... maybe you should discuss this with her before you make any decisions. If she's in your wedding, then she should be someone that you can talk to. Express your concerns, find out if she is saying LOGICALLY that she will be flying home for the event, or just thinking she might be able to. Let her know that you need to KNOW you can count on her. And also, think back with this person.... are you really close? Has she been flaky in the past? Also, how badly do you really want her in the wedding?
It also wouldn't be a bad idea to ask her to let you know way at least a month prior if she coming or not, and maybe you should ask a cousin or family member that you are close to, if they wouldn't mind being a back up (My sister in law did that for her wedding, I was full term pregnant at the time and she had a back up in case I went into labor, and her friend totally didn't mind being in the wedding if we couldn't make it)
Best of wishes to you and your fiance! Congrats and good luck!
2007-03-08 06:49:49 · answer #3 · answered by amelia_02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
#1 She should be paying for her own dress. But.. How long had she been your friend? If you trust her, then enough said! But if not just be honest and let her know your concern. Just tell her that you don't think it is wise based on the move and her lack of finances. Find another way to make her a part of your big day. Like reading a bible verse/poem, singing a song, or an usher. Oh, Odd groomsmen to bridesmaid is totally acceptable. This is YOUR DAY don't let anyone forget it.
2007-03-08 06:09:22 · answer #4 · answered by tucutie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath.... OK, you gotta think both sides on this one. Your bridesmaid can't curb her life or not move because of your getting married. She has a life too....
It also sounds like she cares and is still going to be in your wedding. I would ask her to buy the dress now- which will give you a clue if something is shady or not... And then just talk to her about her plans for coming back. Her $$$ is not your problem so don't worry about it. Just get her to pay for the dress so your not stuck and then if she doesn't show....
Worst comes to worst you might just have to ask a groommen to step down.... and for a guy I don't think it's that big of a deal.
2007-03-08 07:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to tell her that she shouldn't be in the wedding, what you should do is sit down with her and say kindly "while i appreciate you saying yes to being in the wedding your future plans do not seem like they are completely foolproof, I need to be absolutely 100% sure that you would be here for my wedding and you moving to Alaska doesn't give me that certainty! I am not being rude but this is one of the most important and memorable days of my life, I would really be happy if you make it to the wedding as a guest."
Then you can find another bridesmaid or just leave 2 in it....
2007-03-08 06:12:08 · answer #6 · answered by DEE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This shouldn't be hard at all and her feelings shouldn't be hurt by it either. Just simply say "I know you are moving to alaska, and you said that you would be back in time to be apart of the wedding, but I just don't want to take the chance." Just explain that with the wedding quickly approaching, you want/need things to be solid, and want to be confident in everything that you do, and her moving puts a tear in plans. Tell her that it's not that you don't want her in the wedding or that you don't trust that she will be back in time, it's just a matter of doing what you think is best for her and yourself. Neither of you need the extra stress (you wondering if she's going to be able to make it, her wondering how she is going to make there, filing her in on all the details, and her getting all the details) Make sure you tell her that she is still invited to the wedding.
2007-03-08 06:01:06 · answer #7 · answered by nicky3162002 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ohhhh, thats a hard one. youve already asked her to be in your wedding and shes said yes, so telling her to forget about it is kinda wrong.
did she explain to the reasoning behind moving? maybe its better for her to live there financially. shes not saying she doesnt want to be in your wedding, shes just saying shes moving. why would you have to pay for the dress? its the bridesmaids responsibilities to pay for the dress, shoes and travel. not yours. most people know this already.
unless shes had a track record of backing out of things, id give her the benefit of the doubt, and just go on planning your wedding as if she never moved. if shes short on cash for travel maybe someone in her family will help her out knowing shes in your wedding and its important to both of you for her to be there. easier said than done, i know, but dont let this stress you out.
think of it this way, if one of the bridesmaids got sick or was in the hospital the day of your wedding, youd still be a girl short, and youd still go on with your wedding.
if for whatever reason she can not make it, then just have the one of the bridesmaids walk down with two groomsmen (luck girl!!!hehehe). it wont look weird and people have done this before.
express your concerns to her, but keep going on with the planning, and dont tell her shes not a part of it.
good luck!
2007-03-08 05:48:29 · answer #8 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she says she will be there...i think you have to trust her. You can't ask her to be part of your wedding and then say that she cannot. Plus why are you paying for the dresses...most days the bridemaids pay for their own dresses. If she pays for the dress I can gaurentee that she will be there. Even if she does not have money to get there...there are always her parents or significant other who would pay for her to be there especially if it is important for her to be there for you.
2007-03-08 13:25:31 · answer #9 · answered by k_reile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just talk nicely to her and ask how she thinks things will work. If it's sounding too iffy, then you can probably un-ask her.
2007-03-08 23:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋