My hubby and I got married in court.?

Question

but we didn't invite any of the family since we figured that the church wedding was the most important part. Now his mom and his sister are upset cause they weren't there. How do you please everyone? Now that we're starting the arrangements for the church wedding, it seems like my family doesn't even want to be there.., First of all I wanted a barbecue and a small ceremony. What am I suppose to do? I feel overwhelmed now. Especially since everyone doesn't seem happy for us.

Answer 1

You know I told my mom and my sister about me getting married in court house and they told me I am going to fast and not good idea and guess what I went ahead and follow my heart and got married and now they still mad at me that fine but been will be 10 years in oct 07 so ... 3 kids.. so that shows that I follow my heart and not follow them...

You can't always please with anyone and they should be happy that just will have again church wedding.. oh my gosh they need to get over it... Do what you think it is best for you and who cares if anyone not happy with you oh well, you are being you and your husband too and that what great about each other.. now you both ahve each other not to worry about other people's feelings... that sad thathow people treat you guys like that...

You know I never talk to my mom and sister for 10 years now and it been so peacefully for me and they still not want to solve the plm still mad at me that fine they need to grow up...

I didn't have church wedding not like 4,000 dollars wedding it was like 1,000 and everyone enjoy mexican food and beer mostly LOL... i have no other side my family or cousin or anyone come to my wedding so I have people from work and friends come to my wedding that was the best thing in the world. smiling.

Do what you guys do and plan and you will know who truly care showing up and other not show up then you know where to stand... remember keep your door open .. smiling... again don't feel overwhelmed worry about other people ... it your and husband's wedding plan...

Answer 2

You obviously have your reasons for why you chose this. They are probably still valid. Perhaps even one of the issues was the behaviour or personality of some of the family members. ;) Or money. Some people also want to get hitched sooner, and don't want to wait until they can afford it. Others are private, shy, people. No one should be attacked for where they want their OWN wedding!!!

I personally don't think his mother should take it personally. It is her son's wedding and not hers. A mature adult would be upset for a day, and then get over it and celebrate. Same goes to your parents.

The families should come around. Ask them to be involved, assign tasks if you think they will follow through. If not, send out invites, and hope for the best.

Pick a small church, and sent out invites only to those you truly want there. A BBQ is fine, if that is what you like or what you can afford. This day is about the bride and groom, not about showing how much money you can spend. Some people forget this.

If you really want to, explain why you did what you did (need the money for a house down payment, classes, you're shy, not a big wedding person, etc.) Then forget it.

Do whatever makes you happy, and don't second guess what you want.

There's no point in spending $40,000 or running yourself into debt on a wedding that you will not be happy with.

Answer 3

Weddings aren't just about the two of you -- after all they make relatives out of all of your relatives. They join two families, not just two people.

Thus, they are, by nature, about the families.

That's part of the reason people get really invested in them. Weddings are notorious for causing discord in families -- because they're such a big deal.

Therefore, your families are disgruntled with you for leaving them out of this very important event. That's why some are threatening to boycott.

"How do you please everyone?" -- Funny question, since you didn't try to please them at all in your decision.

It's not at all clear why you did what you did -- as opposed to really getting married in the church wedding. Usually people elope because their families are against their marriage, or they would make the wedding and celebration so horrible it wouldn't be worth it.

These don't seem to be the case here.

I'm not saying you were wrong, but it would be good if you understood the problem better.

You might try the abject apology "I don't know what we were thinking -- we were just so insanely desperate to get married we didn't think."

followed by the grovel "But we'd be devastated if you weren't there -- this is what we think of as the "REAL" wedding, and we've always assumed you'd be there. It would just kill us if you weren't."

Emphasize how much you love them, how important they are to you. (Sometimes, when you grovel enough, people relent just to get you to stop.)

You may just end up with a smaller ceremony than you'd planned, but you might soften them up, by acknowledging that they do have some right to be hurt that you left them completely out of such an important event.

Eventually they will probably get over it. Or at least they won't bring it up EVERY time you see them for the rest of your lives.

;-)

Answer 4

Hun listen. The problem with you family is that they think that your life should revolve around them. The most important person should be your husband. If your family can't be happy for you, OH WELL. From the sounds of it there may have been a financial crunch. It is not the means that matters but the outcome. The damage is already done. Most of these people are probably acting that way because the "personally" feel offended. But the bottom line is you two are togheter. Go ahead with your plans you can't please all the people all the time. If they can't get over it that's not your problem, IT'S THIERS. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Just go on! You can't please everyone and anyhow who is the marriage really for? You or your family? My husband and I did the same thing. We did it mainly for financial reasons. My dad always told me that he would pay for my wedding. But when the time came. He was in between jobs and my mom well she had just gotten a divorce. None of them were happy at the time. Actually just the opposite they were all disapproving and upset. But you know the saying that time heals all wounds. It's true. My husband and I have been married for going on 3 years now. And are planning our cerimony for our 5 year anniversary and everyone couldn't be happier! Good luck with this and God Bless! One question though...if you are planning a wedding. why did you go to the court house to get married, why not wait?? Sorry just curious.

Answer 6

I think it boils down to the fact that you cannot make everyone happy. Not always easy, but do what you want without apologies to everyone. It is your wedding after all, as blunt as that may sound.

When I got married the second time, it was a very quiet ceremony which included us and four friends. We told our families later, reactions ranged from pleased to ecstatic to pissed off, to "well don't expect a gift!".

Just went to show me, it wouldn't have mattered how we handled things, as long as we were fine with it, so what?

Answer 7

You cant make everyone happy, In this case the only people you need to worry about are you and your hubby.

If they dont want to go then thats there problem you dont need to deal with it, your wedding is your choice not theres.
Family should support you not make you feel bad because YOUR day didnt go the way they wanted.

If you want a freaking BBQ then You do you BBQ and tell everyone to stick it.

Answer 8

When we are young, we are impetuous & idealistic. No one ever loves as much as we, it MY wedding, etc, so we do it our way.

You see when you both were growing up, you're mothers had fantasies about your weddings, as did you. They feel cheated & hurt. And though that wasn't you're intent, that's what happened.
And even though you are planning a wedding, they weren't there for the initial "I DOs".
You need to go to Mom (s)& tell her you're sorry. Use the excuse of being young, & in love. Tell Mom you would love her to share in this wedding with you. Expect some "words" back.
But once you clear the air, the situation will change.

Answer 9

Do want you want to do. If you want a small wedding then have a small wedding, and if they are mad, tell them to have their own wedding.

As long as you guys are happy thats all that matter, ten years down the line a wedding is the last thing you are thinking of.

Answer 10

How sad, this is supposed to ba about the two of you, not them. Although, our society has turned weddings into events for the family, not the couple. Since that is the case, I suggest sitting down with the offended members and apologizing for depriving them of the joy of seeing you officially married. Explain to them why you chose to have a private ceremony, then also explain that you are planning this church wedding for the benefit of the families. If they harp on you about not including them in the court ceremony, smile, apologize and ask them to come celebrate with you in the next ceremony instead.