Is pretending you don't want your ex the best way to get him back.?

Question

We were together 5 years and engaged to get married in may. For the first few weeks after we broke up I poured my heart out to him and told him how I couldn't live without him while he was finding himself. Now I am wondering if playing hard to get is the best way to get him back. If I seem unavailable will it drive him nuts? He swears he loves me he just needs sometime to figure out some stuff.

Answer 1

i think being open and honest is probably the best way to treat people.

Answer 2

You can't manipulate people into having TRUE emotions for you. Sure, 'playing hard to get' can cause a reaction in some situations, but that reaction is not based on any valid, heart-felt emotion. It has more to do with a guy's own insecurities than his 'love' for the girl if he responds to this type of tactical behavior. It’s a knee-jerk reaction; human nature and nothing more, and as such will not last.

Why don't you focus on building your own life and making it the best it can be? You seem to be a little needy, which is a sure sign of low self-esteem. Neediness is not attractive to anyone (except co-dependents). You should make a GENUINE attempt to sort out your self-esteem problems, not just hide your issues by PLAYING hard to get.

Our true emotions always show through in the end. Even if he responds to you playing hard to get, you will essentially have tricked him: You will still be the same person he originally wanted space from. The illusion of the confident, cool woman you showed him will evaporate and the relationship will eventually have the same troubles, which will result in the same situation at some point down the line.

If he DOESN'T respond to you playing hard to get, where will you go from there? Back to begging and pleading?

Why are you so afraid of giving him the space he has asked for? Respect his request. Let him find himself and sort his own head out. He sounds like a confused man at the moment, and you are only making things more difficult for him by putting your own needs (or neediness) above his. You are suffocating him.

You must address your desperation to have this man, before your desperation for him pushes him away permanently. Get therapy to help you see the situation more clearly and honestly, as your boyfriend is trying to do. Work on your self-esteem. Feel good about you and your life as a whole, away from anybody else. Be the attractive, confident, cool woman for real. Then you can decide whether you think you should be married to this guy (or one of the others that will be beating down your door).

Answer 3

Well it could happen two ways: if you seem unavailable, then it might drive him nuts to the point where he'll want you back. You know how people always want what they can't have, or: he might think that you are serious about not wanting him back, and he'll move on. Some men take things very literal, you have to tell them exactly what you want. If they go for it, great, if they don't then you have to move on with your life and find someone else.

Answer 4

Oh my - when a guy is figuring stuff out it generally means he met some other woman and wants to find out if he made a mistake asking you to marry him. That may not be the case - but I've heard of it happening many times. Do yourself a favor and instead of playing hard to get move on without him in your life.

Answer 5

In your case, I would say to back off and give him that space find a hobby or volunteer and meet new people. The more you pursue someone, the more they seem to back away. Time will come that he will wonder whats up with you ?
Curiosity always kills the cat. Hold out for marriage next time.
Have you heard the saying"Why buy a cow ?? when you can milk it fee ?? The respect just isn't there for a wife.~~~Jill

Answer 6

That would be one of the worst ideas ever... since you have been with each other so long he may worry that that is what you really want and since he may be having some doubts, he may give up on the relationship all together thinking that that could be the best for both of you! Don't give up, let him know you care but don't come on too strong

Answer 7

since pouring your heart out hasn't worked, u should try this. but if he doesn't love u anymore not a thing in the world is going to change things.just hang in there and see what happens. but don't set yourself up for heartache, don't have any expectations about it now, go out, see others, get a life. absence does sometimes make the heart grow fonder, but than sometimes it doesn't. just depends if they still love u or not.

Answer 8

Game playing usually doesn't work. If honestly doesn't work it's time to move on. What stuff does he want to figure out after 5 years? Doesn't sound good.

Answer 9

HHHMMMMMM. Normally I would say no but what kind
of stuff is he trying to figure out? I mean you all were together
for 5 whole years and he couldn't have figured out this stuff
before the engagement? I would say it might drive him
nuts if you just played him off(but it also might backfire on
you).

Answer 10

what do he need to figure out if he really wants to be with you or what? if so then you are wasting your time with him that question should not even approach his mind after 5 years, but playing hard to get works in some cases but not yours let him know how you feel and see where it goes

Answer 11

YES, YES, YES. i would not say theat your should play around with him, but i think that you should concentrate on you and not worry yourself with him. how do you know that this really is the guy for you? take time for yourself. men don't want to have to deal wit some girl always pouring out their heart an soul to them all the time. they want someone who can be independent in the realationship, and just know that they love one another. maybe you were to clingy. take time for ya self. if its you he wants he'll be back.