How do I get through to my 11 year old son?

Question

When it comes to his school work, he writes down whatever answer suits him. He will answer the questions he knows. He won't study unless forced. He just doesn't seem to be applying himself. He constantly mouths off. Has an attitude when he has to do chores. I'm afraid that his younger siblings are following in his lead. I'm a single mother of four (3-b, 1-g). There is no father figure present. I've tried everything....take away his stuff, put himin the corner, grounded him, cut up all his yu gi oh cards. I'm at my wits end. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

My 11 year old daughter is the same way. Must be the age. Stick with the punishments. I make my daughter sit in the kitchen where I can see her and study X amount of time in each subject. The amount of time depends on the grade. The school she is at doesn't give homework so it is all extra time, but here's my table for her. This is for three subjects Reading, Science, Social Studies. Math is easy for her. A=10 min a day, B=20, C=30 F=45 for each subject. She also reads novel 30 minutes a day. So basically the better she does, the more free time she has, the worse she does the more she has to study to bring her grades up. We adjust the time every 3 weeks with new progress reports. As for the attitude, don't let him see that it gets to you. Be very matter of fact with him... "Don't want to do your chores. Fine. Stay in your room (no TV, radio, video games, etc. just a lot of books) and no allowance or going to friends etc, until it is done. Don't back down. My daughter gets $10/week but I count each day as $2, if she doesn't do her chores one day she gets $8 and so on. I do not yell at her, or try to force her to do them. I tell her once then it is her choice, and she knows the consequences if she doesn't do it. Don't get in a power struggle, You are the boss!

Answer 2

OK, first off cutting up his Yu-gi-oh cards was a big mistake, it sounds like you overreacted to something and now thinks that you will likely do it again. As far as schoolwork, sit down with him and help him work through the problems, help him to see the relation of school and life. DO NOT put up with the attitude. Sit him down and give him a punishment that is fitting (like no TV for X amount of time) and then stick to the punishment. Do not make exhorbinant threats like "I'll throw out the TV" kids can see what is realistic and understand what lengths you will go to. Make sure he undersatnds WHY things are important and how his doing them makes it better for YOU and him. Good luck

Answer 3

He needs a male role model, he needed one 11 years ago and he needs one now, try getting him enrolled in Big Brothers Big Sisters, or maybe you have a male friend or relative that lives near by? He's acting out, he's almost a teenager, he has emotions he can't explain, anger that's unjustified and he needs someone who knows what he is going through to help him learn to deal with it. Is he passing in school? If not maybe get him enlisted in a tutoring program, that may be enough punishment in its own for him. Make sure he doesn't have any actual learning disabilities before you punish him for something that may genuinely not be his fault, even if he is bright he could still have something wrong with him. Good Luck and God Bless, I hope everything works out.

Answer 4

From the age of nine until the age of about 13 boys are particularly difficult to manage, I think it is at this age that they tend to need to identify with their father and many boys either do not have a father around or have an emotionally absent father and this makes it very diffcult for them.

During this stage they become very aware they are different to their mother and often previously angelic boys will become surly, inattentive, teasing, and often rude as they test the boundaries and try to figure out what is okay and what is not okay.

It is vitally important that boys of this age have positive male role models, you need to steer his attention towards positive males in your community and in the world in general.

Also find some all-male activities for him to do. A sport, Army/ AIrforce/ Navy Cadets, or some other group he can go to and have a chance of aligning hmself with males.

He is wanting to be a man but has no idea what the heck that means.

Talk to him openly about being a man what that means, not only your idea of what a man is but his idea too. Find out what he thinks, what he feels, who his idols are. Have conversations about successful men, how did they become successful, what is it about them that makes people think they are successful, what does he think these men were like at 11, ask him what a good man is and what kind of man he would like to become.

Start treating him like a young man, give him some responsibilities, real ones not just something you have made up to pretend he is being responsible but things that really matter that he is capable of ehlping you with.

Stop treating him like a little kid if you wat him to behave more grown up. When he behaves in a negative way ask him what he thinks a fair punishment is and then talk to him about why his behaviour is not acceptable, imprss upon him how it is more grown up to behave in a grown up way than to misbehave.

Talk to him about how you would like to change things and how you think he is old enough to take on some responsibilities and also to have a few extra privileges because he is more grown up. Ask his opinion about what is fair and reasonable for things like bed time, when he has to be in at night, and what he can do around the house and yard to help the family.

When his youner siblings complan about his extra privileges say very plainly he is more grown up now and when you are grown up you will have those privileges too. Dont set your expectations, rules and privileges to the lowest common denominator in the family.... different rules and expectations for different age groups is being fair...

Answer 5

I have good ideas about parenting, as I raised seven boys on my own, They are all married now and I am very proud of them. They are hardworking, devoted husbands, and fathers.

However each child is and individual and each case is different so what one shoe fits one child the other shoe wont.

Your best bet is to go to Dr. Phil.com web site. He has the greatest books on parenting, for all different types of individual children's emotional, and mental abilities. He has a T.V. show which I am sure you heard of.

Good luck, you must catch it in the bud or the other children will follow his same pattern.

He is on cable t.v. if you don't live in the states.

Answer 6

I'm a single mother of 3 (2-g 1-b) My son is also 11. I think it has to do with that age. I have some of the same problems with the mouthing off and attitude.
I got so fustrated one day that I straight slapped him across the face and laid down the law of our house.
I don't like putting my hand on my kids but don't let them think they can run over you and get away with it.
Ever since that slap. . . things have been good! He knows that I'm not there to be his punching bag when he has a bad day and he knows that I'm still bigger and will jack him up. LOL
Good luck!

Answer 7

Good Luck! I have a 9 year old just like your 11 year old. He think that the world revolves around him. We have tried everything, nothing works.

Answer 8

sounds like you need a +male figure,any uncles ect? ....stop this now b 4 he gets older n hits you.....maybe he has a huge problem....ask.......or a learning disability

Answer 9

dont worry..my brothers were like that but it will all be good soon! just keep tryin to get through to him!!

Answer 10

inroll him in a program that has older peolple and will help him like big bro and bigg sis there the best thanks for the 2pts