Newly single?

Question

Hi
I've just split up with my boyfriend. Although 90% of our relationship is so Good, he often shouts & swears at me for no reason. He doesn’t “lose his temper”, he just thinks it’s appropriate 2 shout & swear. I told him 2day that he has2 stop doing this as it hurts me, or at least accept afterwards that he shouldn’t have been like that & apologise. He believes it’s not being rude & it’s just the way he is & I have to deal with it. So we’ve split up. I love him so much, but believe that I am compromising my integrity 4 him to behave like that 2wards me. I feel so rubbish & he’s made me feel like it’s such an insignificant thing & that I’m the one with the problem. But although it is a small thing, I feel it’s fundamental & that some1 who loves U should always treat U in a respectful way. Or at least apologise 4 it afterwards if they’ve upset you. Have I done the right thing? I'mso sad to lose all the amazing things about ‘us’ but couldn’t take him being so rude & horrible

Answer 1

I am with those who say you did the right thing breaking up with him. A man that will not respect your wishes for common courtesy does not warrant your love or time.
I know it hurts now, but in the long run you will be much better off with someone who if not a complete gentleman at least has the decency to apologise.
If a man will not respect you now, imagine how it might be if he were married to you.

--That Cheeky Lad

Answer 2

I had a similar situation with my husband treating me rudely and disrespectfully. He argued that he treated everybody the same way. I explained that I didn't care how he treated everybody else, he could be as rude and disrespectful as he wanted with them. But I am his wife, I expect to be treated with politeness and respect and I don't expect to put up with offensive, aggressive, or rude behaviour. It worked, though I did compromise to the extent that if he is sounding off around me but not actually at me, I leave the room and let him get on with it. You aren't being petty or small minded, you have a right to be treated well, if he is disregarding your feelings in this relatively simple matter, it's fairly simple to be polite after all, then how is he going to behave with more serious issue?

Of course you are sad now, but if he can't learn to treat you better, and your really aren't asking for the moon here, then you are better off without him, however good the rest of the relationship might seem.

Answer 3

Yes I think you've done the right thing. If he is upsetting you with his behaviour and you told him how it makes you feel, and still he continues doing it - it shows disrespect for you as a person. If he loved you totally, he would try and modify his behaviour and not just expect you to put up with it because that is just the way he is.

People can change, and the fact he isn't changing such a small part of his personality means he cares more about his own ego than he does about you.

Answer 4

You are right you should not put up with that verbal abuse. You said he should at least apologise for the abuse afterwards! No sorry it should not have happend in the first place. He sounds like a bully puting you down and he is making you unhappy. it is sad when a relationship ends but give it time things will get better and you will meet someone who treats you with respect.

Answer 5

You did the right thing. Love does not hurt. At least it shouldn't. Of course there are the occasional inconsiderate acts, that the person realizes they made a mistake and apologizes without you having to beg for an apology, but it should not be a daily thing. Get over this relationship first, before you go out there and look for someone else. Take time to grieve the loss of this one first.

Answer 6

You have done the right thing. What he's done to you is called verbal abuse. When he shouts and swears, he is losing his temper, it's still verbal abuse. It is not insignificant either. He's manipulating you. He has the problem not you, and he'll never apologise because in his mind, he's done nothing wrong. I bet he was charming and delightful when you first met, and little by little, he verbally struck out? And little by little, it grew worse? The "amazing things" are worth the loss. He's not worthy of you and you are worth so much more. Verbal and emotional abuse is on a par with physical abuse, not to undermine physical abuse because that's wholly unacceptable too. Verbal and emotional abuse scars your mind. Physical abuse can get you killed. Please don't go back to him.

Answer 7

that sounds like a pretty big thing to me.

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and i can count on one hand the amount of times he has called me a nasty word with conviction. yes we mess around and have a laugh with each other saying nasty words to each other, but even when we argue we do not tend to go down that road of name calling as we would always regret it after.

im sure you will find someone else who can treat you with a little more respect than he did. as nobody deserves to be spoken to like that.

sorry about the break upxx

Answer 8

The key word in your question is respect. I'm single like going out drinking and socialising I know 100's of people and I dont ask ANYBODY to love or like me. Yet I EXPECT everyone to respect me and they can have the same (regardless of wh they are) in return. Anyone who doesn't respect you does not deserve space in your life be it in the pub or a relationship.

Answer 9

For a relationship to last, parties to it must respect the views of one another. To be egoistic is to fall out of relationships. I think you can call your boyfriend aside and talk things over instead of calling the relationship off and lick your wounds thereafter.

It is better to disagree to agree than to be pround the regret later.

Answer 10

You did the right thing. Don't allow anyone to shout at you like that, particularly not a bf. There are many other fish in the sea.