My 13yr old daughter went through a DNA last july and still her dad hasent apologised or contacted her. She wants nothing to do with him, i worry will this affect her relationships in yrs to come?
2007-03-08 03:45:41 · 10 answers · asked by lucy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
her relationship with who? the absent dad?? She has no relationship with the sperm donor. He isn't her dad...no way in he double hockey sticks!!
My daughter is 12 and as she was growing up I kept telling her it isn't her it's him. He's the one with the problems and issues. HE is missing out on a wonderful kid and HE is the one who's wrong.
At the same side of the coin I say, YOU are a beautiful, wonderful girl. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you are extremely lovable because I sure can't get enough of you!! Grandma loves you too and we are all glad you are here and we know just how wonderful you are and boy are we happy to have you!! (you can put in all your other relatives in her, I only have my mom.)
In other words, you want her to focus on the good. Raise her self esteem so she feels great about herself. Make her feel, in fact, that she's superiour to that man that she's the best thing in the world and he's just some guy. DON'T (I repeat) say bad things about him because she'll hate you for it later. Just say neutral things, for some reason he's decided not to be in your life. I don't know why that is, but that's his issue, not yours. There is nothing wrong with you. I'm not sure why he cannot see that and be with you but it's OK to be sad about it.
AND from experience, you want her to not feel like there is something wrong with her and that's why he (the a hole) doesn't want to be with her and love her. (from experience I say because that's how I felt growing up without a dad. It is the reason I chose an a hole to be my daughter's sperm donor, although I didn't know it at the time. I even married the fool but the formula was all wrong so it blew up. I didn't choose a man to be my husband and her father. I chose an idiot because I was looking for a dad but choosing the one that I knew...distant, cold, etc. you know the drill...)
I hope I've helped...
2007-03-08 04:45:49 · answer #1 · answered by cnith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly that is what i could do. call the daddy and clarify your daughters requests and your concerns yet that you does no longer ideas her spending an afternoon (no longer evening) with him if he promised now to not promote or do drugs even as he has her and he has to save her remote from his friends. If he's of the same opinion see the way it is going. If no longer or if he breaks the settlement the in reality way he could manage to make certain her is that if he is going to courtroom and receives rights (no courtroom could supply him something more suitable than supervised visits). clarify for your daughter that you want her seeing her dad yet that you dont desire her there in one day yet. If he does something again tell her the undeniable truth that daddy is doing something naughty and that you dont desire her round it. My dad is an alcoholic and has truly some subject matters, i became a lot older even as all of it got here about yet my sister became 7 my mum stopped her from seeing him and defined why and he or she is conscious. She is conscious who her dad is and has spoken to him some cases and now she is 14 she sees him each now and then yet would not like him a lot or get on with him a lot. Your daughter will understand and as she grows she'll understand you're in reality attempting to guard her. wish this enables. xxx
2016-12-05 10:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by fuents 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter will be fine as long as she has other male role models in her life.. Dad's tend to come and go and the good ones stay through it all.. as she is growing up she will see the good from the bad.. this could be a good life exp for her though, because this may help her be more careful when she gets older about the men that she decides to get serious with... Her dad on the other hand will regret not knowing her as he gets older also... if it starts to bother her that he is not around, i would say that she should write him a letter so she can express her feelings about him not being involved her life... Good luck hun, I know it will all work out for the best...
2007-03-08 05:57:10 · answer #3 · answered by Karma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My DD6 haves no contact with her father, either - we split up, when she was 18 months old, and he didn't saw her for 3 years now, but she figured him out already.
The most important thing to tell her, is that this is not her fault and choice, and that his denial haves nothing to do with her, but with him not being made to be a parent.
My DD doesn't want to see her father, either - but she haves a great relationship with her stepdaddy. So I think/hope, that this will make up for a lot.
If she haves some male guidance in her life - it could be a grandad, uncle, family friend or stepdad, basically somebody she haves a good relationship with - it will help her a lot.
Good Luck!
2007-03-11 05:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by Chevrolet*Blazer*Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i grew up not knowing my dad either, as we left him when i was 3 years old due to domestic violence.
there are times when it is a bit hard, but in my opinion i didn't need a dad, my mum did a great job raising me and i didnt feel like i missed out on anything. she played the role of mum AND dad, so as long as you make sure ur loving and provide her with everything she needs i think she will be fine
2007-03-08 03:51:12 · answer #5 · answered by josietheninja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it wont. as long as she knows iots him being this way and not men in general. i had the same thing happen to me. make sure she knows hes an *** and hes missing out, noit her. for her to be sure he can be a dad if she goes to have a baby. usually girls with no dads choose men to have babies with that you can tell right away wouldnt be good fathers.
2007-03-08 03:52:04 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex has nothing to do with the kids. Dont worry about it, be the best parent you can be and dont worry about him. They will See how hard you worked for them. Its his fault he is missing out on her, not yours
2007-03-08 03:51:35 · answer #7 · answered by tammer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just thanks God for him to be as far as posible, you don't need that kind of jerk near your daughter. I have a friend whose kid's father only calls to insult her, and another friend whose baby's father is always watching her trying to find a way to take away the child from her for ever. So thanks God he is far away.
2007-03-08 03:57:28 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont let him see his children if he just up and decides to come back. Get total custody of them so he cant come by and pick him up
2007-03-08 03:51:26 · answer #9 · answered by Dat Choppa Gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it wont if you talk with her when she brings it up and tell her it isn't her. its him, you don't have to excuse him at all .but tell her it is his problem not about her at all. good luck ,i hope it works out
2007-03-08 04:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by raindovewmn41 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋