My fiance and I love each other very much, but we get into fights all the time as we have very different personalities. I am a lot more emotional and feel that he is too insensitive at times and he feels that I am oversensitive at times. One thing that really bothers me is the way he reacts when I am feeling hurt. Basically, if I say something to hurt him, then he gets very mad and avoids me until I keep on apologizing and expressing my regret for what I said. And any time this happens, I do feel very bad for hurting him and I immediately try to say sorry and make him feel better. However, whenever I feel hurt by him he acts completely differently. If I become upset with him, then he usually turns the tables and gets upset at me for being upset at him. He always tends to make his own decision as to whether or not I should be hurt and then if he thinks I shouldn’t be, then he doesn’t try to make me feel better at all.
2007-03-08 03:34:24 · 5 answers · asked by resh12340 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I feel that each person has different emotional tolerances and feels hurt by different things. If I am feeling hurt by something, I don’t think he should try to judge whether or not I SHOULD feel hurt. Rather, he should realize that I AM feeling hurt and try to make me feel better. All that I ask of him is that if I am upset for some reason, then he should realize that he can’t be mad at me for feeling a certain way. He can nicely explain why I shouldn’t feel bad or he can realize he messed up and try to make me feel better, but he shouldn’t just turn around and become upset at me instead. When I ask him why he has double standards, he says that he is justified in the way he acts when he is hurt because I have hurt him that badly, but I am not justified in acting the same way because I am just overreacting. Once again he is deciding how much I should feel hurt by something and basing his thinking on that. Maybe hearing advice from someone else might help him. Please help.
2007-03-08 03:34:45 · update #1
Update -- I do NOT say stuff to hurt him on purpose...I was merely stating that IF I do hurt him, I realize it and apologize immediately.
2007-03-08 03:43:22 · update #2
My Boyfriend and I are the same exact way, we don't fight very often but when we do, it is always exactly like that, my boyfriend has really bad anxiety problems which tend to be the reason he overreacts the way he does, maybe he should talk to his doctor and if that is not the case then you need to tell him that if he loves you and wants to keep you than he needs to make some attempts to change his behavior, I almost left my boyfriend due to the way he was acting during a fight we had and I told him that if he really loved me and wanted us to work he had to stop treating my feelings as if they were insignificant and stupid and that if he didn't I would leave without thinking twice. So far things have gotten better, he still starts to act the way he used to but he has really started to change, things are improving and so I think the talk/threat worked. I hope you get through to him, and he starts treating you the way you deserve. Good luck!
2007-03-08 03:47:56 · answer #1 · answered by cheesussinclair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off why would you say something to hurt his feelings. Sounds to me as if you are saying things to hurt him on purpose. Also the other problem is getting into fights all the time and getting angry at each other. Is this what your marriage is going to turn out to be? Because if it is you guys are going to be in big trouble.
What both of you need to do is learn to compromise instead of argue. No arguing means no fighting and no hurt feelings. If any you have a problem with anything you two need to tell the other person without being angry or upset. That will just make matters worse.
Fighting/arguing doesnt solve anything.
2007-03-08 11:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, my boyfriend is the exact same way, all you have to is play his games, treat him the way he treats you, I know it's going to hurt but you cant merry him and live like that it's not fair to you, it's causes alot of emotional stress and if that's the case your marriage will end up falling apart. If you cant talk to him play his games act like you dont care he'll come around you'll see and if he doesnt then it wasnt meant to be. If he really loves you like he says he'll come around you'll see!
2007-03-08 11:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by chelsmat2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could dissect your letter and point out things and give lot's of advice but here is what it boils down to you two should not be together.
Sometimes the shorter answer is the better answer.
2007-03-08 11:42:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the plain and simple of it is that men are stupid. you can tell him time and time again that you don't like the way he's acting but it's just going to be in one ear out the other. men are selfish human beings and well you're just gona have to get used to it. either that or flip out and leave him
2007-03-08 11:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by josietheninja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋