I adopted an 8 month old baby with mairrage the biological mom lost custody of him so me and the hubby have full custody. I'm not sure how to let him no that he isn't my biological son without making him feel different from my other children....or should I even tell him at all??? I mean so many people know and I'm worried that if I don't tell him someone else will and than he will believe his whole life is a lie...
My plan is to just basically tell him that I thought he was such a awsome baby I wanted to be his mama so bad I married his daddy right away! I don't want to say anything bad about his biological mom either....I don't really want to say anything about her unless he asks of course or something to that effect my words aren't quite straight yet but thats about it.
But should I?? should I not???
2007-03-08 02:55:28 · 11 answers · asked by Ria B 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
oops I suppose I should also add that he is now 2 years old and calls me mama and everything...
2007-03-08 03:54:28 · update #1
It's important to be honest, so yes, he will need to know he is adopted.
There are plenty of books out there about how adopted children are special because they were "chosen." the key is on focusing on how much you both wanted him. As long as he feels loved, he should be ok.
He will probably want to find out more information on his bio mom when he hits his teens. Be careful not to say anything bad about her -- just give him whatever information you have and let him figure out the rest on his own.
Good luck!
2007-03-08 03:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by kelannde 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As soon as he asks the question, tell him. No sense it making a production of it any sooner. I think your way of telling him is just fine, though. He'll know he's loved, which is really the most important thing. And I think you're very wise to plan to not talk poorly about his biological mom. Sounds like you've got it right!
2007-03-08 11:16:54 · answer #2 · answered by Woz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to be the biological parent to be the mother. It sounds like you love this child very much! :-) I think the truth would be best but keep it simple. You don't have to tell a small child all the details, maybe keep a small photo album of the mother to show the child who his mother is. Kids are very strong, a lot stronger than we think they are. As long as you treat him like you treat your own children, he will feel loved. And he will know that he has another person out there and in time he will ask his own questions.
2007-03-08 11:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by mudd_grip 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm kinda in the same situation with my daughter and my boyfriend who she calls dada. (she is 13 months old). What Im going to do is tell her when I think she is old enough and will understand why her biological father is not in her life. He is a durgie, in an gang and other things. On top of that he has not even tryed to see her. He even walked right by us when we were at a park. So it's up to you and your husben. I think you should tell him when is older and tell him why his mother is not in his life. Good Luck!!!!
2007-03-08 11:06:03 · answer #4 · answered by Chrissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don not wait until he is a teenager. He will resent you for lying to him and resent his biological mother as well. Tell him a sort of sugar coated version when he is young and then just keep adding more details as he gets older so he will fully understand it.
Good luck.
2007-03-08 11:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is totally up to your husband. But just ask him if it would be alright to put a small picture of her in your sons room when he is older. He will ask questions no doubt about it, and when he really wants to see her, oh at the age of 12 or 13 he can make his own decision of how he wants to handle it WITH your help.
2007-03-08 11:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you should tell him in his teen years when he is old enough to understand what you are telling him, he definitely deseves to know and should hear it from you and his father. As far as talking about his bio mom, I would just tell him that you never knew her and know nothing about her. That is something that should be left up to his father, love him the same as all the kids and he will love you back!
2007-03-08 11:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by fitforlife0032 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to wait until this baby is old enough to understand all that is going on. That probably won't be until he is 16 or 18. I think that is alot of stuff to lay on someone who is younger. I definitely feel he should know who his biological mom is whether she is alive or dead. His biological dad or your husband really should be the one to explain all of this to him, if he can. If not you will. It will all be okay.
2007-03-08 11:05:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lost in Maryland 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you were in his situation, what would you like? I would like to be informed of the whole story. Don't live in lies, tell him even now, he don't understand but he will grow with it and won't ask questions because it will be a natural situation for him. Friends of me did that and the child seems to be happy.
2007-03-08 11:08:01 · answer #9 · answered by fookine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him at 15.
2007-03-08 12:35:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋