Wedding Date Issue....?

Question

I have my wedding date planned for New Year's of this year (yay!). BUT...I just found out that my fiance's friend has "stolen" our wedding date and is also planning his wedding for the same day (He knew but claims he didn't) !!! And to make matters worse, I just found out my cousin is also getting married (in another city) on the same day as well!!

I am not trying to be stubborn, but I feel like my fiance's friend has "stolen my thunder". I should not be expected to change my date when I picked it first!. Also, their wedding sounds like it will be horrible, and I want to be the one to do it "right". I have always been set on this date. I don't want to be "second" in line.

My cousin's wedding is a valid issue....but I am not that close with that side of the family (or any of my family for that matter), so I am not sure how I feel if they don't come. I can always have a social later.

Should I change the date (NY's 2008?), or should I go ahead with my original plans?

Help!!!

Sorry just to clarify...My fiance will not have his friend in his wedding party now as his Best Man, because his friend will be at his OWN wedding.

And as I already stated, a New Years wedding was something I have wanted from day one.

To the idiot who asked me why I care what people think...It's not that. It's about having to chose between what makes me happy, and what will make my fiance happy. It's his wedding too. Also, do I want to have a wedding without my dad's family? It's a bit more complex.

Yes, it was rude of me to say that their wedding will be horrible, but it was also rude that both the bride and groom knew the date I wanted and picked it anyway, knowing my fiance was in their wedding party.

P.S. Their wedding WILL be horrible. They are having it at one of the worst venues in the city. And money wasn't an issue, just poor taste.

Thanks everyone for your help. We have tried to talk about it. My fiance has tried to talk to his friend too. They want US to change our date. I even suggested a "Double Ceremony" as a compromise, just to be nice and willing. No one else, including my fiance will do it.

Again, thanks to those who see why I am upset. The reason why I wanted a NY's wedding (aside from b/c I have always loved the idea, even before I knew it was common) is because I wanted it to symbolize " a fresh start". Both my fiance and I had deaths in the family this past year, and we want to start the new year off fresh...together. I am also living in a new city and want my friends to come in to celebrate NY's with me! Win-win! : D

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts.

Answer 1

This may get a bunch of thumbs down from other posters, but I would sent out save the date cards right now to all your guests so that they know yours is happening and will be more inclined to accept your invitation since they will plan for it first.

Answer 2

You should not feel bad for being upset. Your wedding day takes over your whole life until it happens, and it really sucks that your fiances friend did that, although, was it really his choice or did his fiance pick the date. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I would keep going with your own plans. Trust me when I say that you don't really remember everyone at your wedding anyways. All that matters that its you and your fiances day and if you two are there, it doesn't really matter who else shows up. I am sure that other people that you are expecting and/or really want to come will not show up later. Things always come up in peoples lives. Don't change anything, just keep planning and make it the best day of your life. Good luck and congratulations! Just hire a great photographer, and then send the pictures to your fiances friend to rub it in his face that he didn't get to come and that your wedding was better than his anyways lol.

Answer 3

I know you really want that date, but remember that it is a holiday which will make things much more expensive and it will be more difficult for people to attend anyway. Most wedding planning resources reccommend that you pick any date but a holiday for those reasons. Caterers are already booked for New Years parties and such and venues will already be booked as well. You would be smart to pick another date not because they have that date, but because more people will be able to attend your event if you had it at another time regardless of who else is having their wedding that day. I know it would feel like giving in, but you might win in the long run. And if you just can't bear to change the date for whatever reason. Do the thing with the save the date cards. That was a good idea. Good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 4

Someone had suggested to my fiance and I that having a NYE wedding would be great. Apparently, you and I are on different "pages" because I thought, "it's my wedding, I don't want to share it with a major holiday!" Luckily, my fiance feels the same.

However, before you set your heart on a holiday wedding, consider what a friend told me:

She was married on NYE a bit over ten years ago. She and her husband only got to celebrate a few anniversaries because everything was focused on the fact that it was NYE and most places were booked for that. Then, they had a kid. They had been married for five years at the time. They have not been able to celebrate one anniversary alone since then...no romantic dinner, no hotel for the night, nothing. Why? Because they can't find a babysitter for the night of NYE. Most people don't think about this when they are planning the wedding because it's all about the day to them. But you have to consider what your life is going to be after "the day".

Answer 5

Definitely not fair! Sometimes men just don't care about things like who picked what date first. I almost just went through a similar thing -- my fiance and I haven't picked a date yet, and his friend just got engaged and they almost picked the date that we are looking at. Granted, no one would have been to blame since we haven't decided yet, but I definitely would have been disappointed had they picked my preferred date (luckily, they didn't).

I think that what you have to do here is talk to your fiance. Since you're not sure that you care if your family attends, then you should talk to your fiance to see if he cares if his friends have to make a decision about whose wedding to attend. If you figure on being able to have a social at another time for your family who won't be attending, perhaps you can also include his friends in that as well. I think that the people who are really important to you will make sure that they are at the actual wedding on New Year's Eve, and you will have a fabulous time. Since you have this particular date in mind, I think you will feel disappointed in the long run if you change your date; you can't have a New Year's party any time of the year (or can you? Think about something like that, too.)

But since it's your fiance's friends who will have to choose between your wedding and his friend's, talk to him about what he wants to do. If he is hesitant to express an opinion, then tell him what you want to do and then go ahead with what you think is best. He can't complain if you tried to make it work for him. Good luck!

P.S. I like Kateqd's idea, if you're willing to play a little dirty. Send save-the-dates now and it will be more likely that his friends will come to your ceremony instead.

Answer 6

It's a bit mean to say their wedding sounds horrible, you don't have any right to criticise how others choose to celebrate. I can understand you being upset, but in reality it's a date, there are hundreds of other dates you could choose. Your first lesson is this, marriage means COMPROMISE, that means you as well, not just your fiance, is the date more important than the actual marriage??? Get married at Christmas time instead.

Answer 7

Honestly, you shouldn't get married on holidays if you expect people to come. Travel is more expensive, hotels are more expensive, and they have to miss out on all of the plans they had with their families. (I'm sure there are parties they were planning to go to!)

That said, if you insist on a new years ceremony, why not have one wedding on new years eve and one on new years day? One in the afternoon and one in the evening?

If I was going to do the "fresh start" thing, I would have my ceremony at like 9pm and have a combined reception/new years party. Formal, black and white, etc. Then at midnight, you count down, throw your bouquet and garter at the stroke of midnight amongst all the kissing and such, then run off after that.

Let them have the day time, that's the boring part of new years!

Answer 8

That is so rude. I cannot believe that they would do that. Just tell them that you already booked your reception hall, church, photographer, and videographer and if you move your date you won't be able to get any of your money back. Or tell them straight up. I would. Just be like oh well I picked this date long before you so if you want my fiance in your wedding then change your date or he won't be there. And leave it at that. Good Luck! And stick with your original plan.

I agree with Melissa about Kate's answer. Send out save the dates like ASAP! That's awesome! And send one to them. I bet the look on their faces would be priceless. lol!

Answer 9

I think you should really sit down with your fiance's friend and tell him that you have been planning this date since you were little. And if he wants to have his date on the same day then you nor he will be there. Be firm! This is YOUR special day. Yes, your fiances day too. But hes gonna want whats best for You and no one else!

Answer 10

If you continue with your current plans, is your fiance going along with that because it seems like he would be asking his buddy to be standing up for him as a groomsman? The ONLY compromise that I see is that you sit down with them (his fiance too) and see if you can reach some sort of agreement. It's really rude to say that their wedding is horrible and that your taste is the way things should be. See if you can talk it out somehow. Maybe they aren't as set on it after you sit down like adults and see if something can be resolved.