Any advice would help?

Question

Me and my bf had been going out for 2 yrs, but for that last few months things began to go bad. Two days ago we went to the movies, we got back and he asked me if I wanted to go home or come to his place. I asked him if he wanted me to come up. He said he did not care. I went up with him anyway. After awhile of silence in his room we just watched tv, and I tried to make conversation, but he just said yes or no answers. I knew I must have upset him. He began to roll a blunt and I didn't mind, but I really don't like it so I asked him if he could open the window. He said no. I told him I did not want to breathe in the smoke and it smelled like crap. He said o well, and to leave if I wanted. I said fine ,just kind of joking..,but he said good and don't come back. I turned to him and was like what? He said I am sick of your ****. I can't just chill and be relaxed with you, you always nag on me, you don't help me at all , I am sick of you, I hate you and don't care about you anymore.

my heart was crushed I cried in front of him for about 2 hours like a pathethic idiot. He laughed at me I few times. I told him that I loved him and I did not get how he could say those things to me. He said he was just sick of me and I was not helping him and that I was just slowing him down. I think I was...I did not help him with money that much and he was rather poor. But what hurt me the most is I did everything I could for him.
He did not have a car so I drove a hour to see him twice a week. I missed school for him, I work just so I can have money to hang out with him. He does not have a job or go to school. I only nagged him b/c I want him to wake up and do better. I can't stop crying. I feel like this is my fault. He did tell me that he hates me and never wants to see me again but I want him to call me. Why? He even threatend to hit me and kick me in my chest. And I am still crying over him.

All I use to do was think about him. What am I suppose to do now?When we were going out I thought we would always break up because we were not meant to be., but now that is happened I am so lost and want to love him still.

Answer 1

Damn - girl, you have some self esteem issues! What the hell are you doing with a complete bum?! He doesn't work or go to school yet he has enough money to smoke pot? He expects you to do all these things for him without giving anything (like trying to be a decent human) back - like at least opening a window so you don't choke on his smoke? When he said he doesn't care - he meant it, about anything including you. It seems you have rejection issues and should spend your time and resources speaking with someone who can help you.

Answer 2

Honey, this sounds EXACTLY like the situation I was in 2 years ago. (Only I did the breaking up part...but he still said similar nasty things)
Your ex, like mine, is an abusive jerk. He is beyond any help that you would be able to give him. Perhaps, like my former self, you are the mothering type who is attracted to broken men. My friends used to call me the 'bad boy rehabilitation center'. I'm since over this bad behavior, and I'm getting married this year to a wonderful man who loves, respects, and treats me the way I deserve. You can get there, too. But the first thing you need to do is cut off all contact with this guy. Take a lot of time to yourself. You have already learned what you do NOT want in a relationship. This will be useful to you when you start dating again. This experience, although tough on you now, is going to make you a stronger, healthier person.
Don't call him. Don't talk to him. Don't write him. Don't e-mail him. Forget that he exists. You have not done anything wrong. You were not obligated to help him with money. (That is what jobs are for. I fell into this trap too...giving him money, and being his chauffeur. Once he wanted me to drive 15 miles out of my way to go to a best buy and get some video game for him. He didn't talk to me for a week when I said no. And somehow I thought I was being a bad girlfriend!) He needs help. He is terribly selfish and does not care about you. As hard as this is to accept, you must. And you've got to move on, or you'll be miserable forever. You have so much more to give to a relationship. Find someone who doesn't need 'fixing'. Find someone who can accept you as you are, and who you'll accept as they are.

Good luck. You'll get through this!

Answer 3

You are in love with this relationship not him. The first clue is that you want to change him. If you were in love with him you would accept him as he is and not need to make a project out of a human being. If you need to work on someone honey it is you. You are hanging around crying with a guy who is telling you that he wants you out of his life while laughing and threatening to kick you in the chest. Where is the love in this? On either part. You can keep disappointing yourself by thinking that you can nag someone, another human being, into what you need them to be. Or you can accept the fact that you and he have come into each other lives for these 2 years and now it is time to let this relationship go. It seems you are pretty young and this is probably your first long term relationship. This is the time for you to get clear about what you want from the next relationship and start hanging out with people who have similar interests, goals and lifestyles. Good luck.

Answer 4

This guy sounds like an @$$hole and definetly doesnt know what hes missing. Its hard when youve been with someone for 2 yrs and they do this to you but obviously he didnt care enough about you. which is quit sad i say. Im sure when you were telling him those things u didnt concider it nagging or giving him **** because of what hes doing but he took it that way. when you love someone you just want to be able to help with anything you possably can and you want them to realize that things need to change. but if its been this way for 2 years- him not having a job and no money you really shouldnt be with him. not that money matters(to some) but he really does need to go get a job and thats just lazy that hes not. surprising he has money for weed but not to go out with you.... stupid! i hope you can find the power to move on because going back with him is certainly not the answer! it wont be easy but eventually youll be urself again. just try to forget him and stop blaiming urself because its not you its him..


good luck!

Answer 5

It sounds like he's putting on you his hate of himself because he's not about anything. You can't make anyone do anything that they are not prepared to do and it sounds like all he wants to do is sit around and smoke blunts. Do you want to live the rest of your life taking care of a grown man because that's probably what you'll end up doing if you stay with this guy. Also if he's threatened to hit or kick you do you want to wind up in a physically abusive relationship because it sounds like he's already mentally abusing you. I know it hurts right now but as time passes it will hurt less and you'll be able to find a man who you deserve. One that can take care of himself and treat you the way you need to be treated.

Answer 6

Honey, you need to drop this guy like a dirty diaper. In fact, the blunt thing should wake you up right then and there. Of all the friends I've had, it's the pot smoking ones who went the least far. Find someone who treats you with respect, speaks kindly and courteously to you. Someone who doesn't do drugs, is ambitious and productive.

Answer 7

Let's get this straight - you are upset over an abusive, insulting, disrespectful pothead slacker w/o a job or apparently an education - who is threatening violence against you?

This is completely natural, many chicks love these kind of guys, and get lots of "chemistry" going with them, especially if they toss in a little cheating and lying

Its all part of the natural order

Answer 8

He is scum and probably already has another "sugar mama". He is a user. Trust me on this. He doesn't deserve you. You will be hurt for a while but in time you will see that there is someone out there that would love to give you the world.

Answer 9

what a loser he is . your better off without him . its his loss i wouldn't waste anymore time on him . i no you will feel like crap so get some girlfriends to come around put on nice cheerful songs and get him outer your system . if he knows how much your hurting he will thrive on it so show him your not bothered even if secretly you are don't let him see it . if you bump in to him at any time let him think your having a better life without him .

Answer 10

OH girl, grow up, he did you the biggest favor and your not seeing it, if you think your unhappy now it is nothing to the misery that is ahead of you...but i can see your not the type that will listen to sound advice so i won't give any.