We are divorced and I have 3 kids, him, 2. His kids dont live with him, one is at college, one lives with his Mom but does come to visit regularly. My 2 youngest sons still live with me, 18 and 15(19 yr old) moved out already.
Brandon says after our kids are out of school (his youngest is 15 also) he would want to have a home together. We live in different states, Ohio, Indiana, so our kids go to different schools.
Thats 3 years !
We are together all the time for the most part. We have a good relationship but I feel like if you want to have a future with someone, you shouldnt put stipulations on the future, like, wait til the kids are out !!I dont like the idea of "waiting" for my kids to be gone. Sometimes I want them to be ! But not really ! You know, like when they are being difficult and a pain in the butt! Im 40 now and I know I would like to be married and share a home with someone.
what would you say if someone said... , I want to marry you, AFTER our kids are moved out !
2007-03-08 02:16:44 · 10 answers · asked by crazartgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If the youngest is only 15 it might be 5 to 10 years before they move out. I say if you've found the one you want to share your life with you shouldn't put off marriage, especial at the stage of life you two are in. There's no point in waiting. Don't you want your new forever to start right away?
2007-03-08 02:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think Brandon is being a good father, and is encouraging you to be a good mother. It would be cruel of you to move your minor children to another state - especially if they are close to their father. The other option would be for Brandon to leave his minor child, to come and be with you. That should be out of the question too. Sometimes you have to put the needs of others before your own. This is one of those times. I think that, in spite of your selfishness, you have found a great guy. Three years is not that long to wait. It's not like you won't see each other for those three years. You both have obligations to your children. When those obligations are met, you can then get married, and know that you have done the right thing.
2007-03-08 11:42:40 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, in most cases I would agree with your thinking, but you've got to think about your children here. If you uproot them while they're in high school, they are GOING to resent that, big time, and will probably create all sorts of problems between you and your man. I honestly think he's being sensible, because the kids can really make your lives miserable, and they are at rotten ages to deal with a change like that in their lives.
But talk to the kids, see what they think about it. If they're cool with moving to a new school and leaving their friends, then I'd start to think if there's possibly another reason Brandon doesn't want a definite future. Communication is what's going to work here, with all parties. You and Brandon, you and your kids, him and his kids, etc. That's key in any family, crucial in a blended family. Best of luck!
2007-03-08 11:21:13 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think his idea is crazy. At that point in your childrens lives they are settle in thoer routines and their schools. It is a big change for them to up root and move now (trust me I know). It is a big thing to put your kids second so you can live iwth a guy. Yes your relationship seems serious but things are going fine now and you say you are together alot. The situation is not unheard of. My aunt is living seperate from her fiance because they have too many kids combined and can't afford a house to accomidate all that. You should really consider your kids in this decision because they will be the most affected.
2007-03-08 10:26:55 · answer #4 · answered by elephantfun 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that I would call what he said to you a stipulation. It seems to me more like he is telling you that he wants to be with you and live with you but he just wants to move slowly. 3 years is not that long a time, many things can happen between now and then. Not only that but maybe he's thinking of his kids such as he doesn't want to move now because not only would it possibly disrupt his life but also his kids. Things can change, I say go with the flow and if you really like this guy talk to him about what he said and how it made you feel.
2007-03-08 10:24:25 · answer #5 · answered by freyja5683 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My mom and (now) step-father waited until my brother moved out and I left for the military to get married. They were together for 13 years before they got married. Anything is possible.
Good Luck!
2007-03-09 10:37:21 · answer #6 · answered by FanofJrSrand29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion after someone has children they become part of the package, and you either accept them all or none of them. If you were to wait until your children left the nest for the two of you to be together what would happen if 2 years later one of your kids was forced to return back home....would your new husband get a hotel room until your child left again, or would he not allow you to take your child in? Your children are a permanent part of your life this man is not.....if he can't handle your kids being an active part of your life I say move on. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-03-08 10:24:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
As bad as it seems ...it's probably better than marrying and finding out all the baggage everyone brought along and the attention it requires ends up putting a strain on the marriage.
But...see theres always a but.....if you can't wait ..let him know and part ways.
2007-03-08 10:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't understand his reasonong...why doesn't he want to get married now ? Does he not like your children or something? If he doesn't I wouldn't marry him, EVER.
2007-03-08 10:42:54 · answer #9 · answered by Petra 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would depend on how much I cared for that person and how much I wanted a life with them.
be cool...
2007-03-08 10:27:47 · answer #10 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋