I know my family won't approve of him...?

Question

I posted this yesterday but I thought I should add some to it. I met a guy a few weeks ago and he is wonderful. He treats me well, we have a good time together and so far, he doesn't make me cry. As with everyone I've ever gone out with there is drama and my family will never approve...1. he smokes (that won't go over well with my ex-smoker parents). 2. he has a child. 3. he used to have a major drug problem and is now in counseling. he's been clean for almost 2 years. 4. he spent 4 months in jail for a juvenile robbery. I know, walk away, right? That's exactly what my head keeps saying. But, I just have this feeling about him...and everyone deserves a chance right? People can change...he's really gotten his life together and he wants to either go back to school or join the ARMY.

Answer 1

Everyone deserves a second chance but people don't change easily. If he has used drugs before to the point he had to go to rehab then that is a sign he doesn't have self control. Most likely he will end up using drugs again. If I were you, I would tell him to prove that he has changed by either joining the Army or going back to school because he can talk about his thoughts and dreams all he wants but chances are that they will always be just that: Thoughts and dreams. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Look mate I know my latest squeeze is like that too except 4 the jail thing. He smokes,drinks he doesnt have kid but my point is... he has something that is worth giving a shot. Sometimes the package does come with its not so flattering accessories but we take the package as it comes... because why we see something in them that is worth a chance yknw & the heartache.
I think your bf is doing great from what you've shared with us. Its not about what your head says its all about what your heart says and feels.
Yeah ppl can change some take longer then expected but the thats the beauty of love sometimes we'd rather experience the hardship 2 experience gr8 love. I know it sounds weird but to you he's obviously worth it. I only you know him well enough 2 see how far you can go.
Your family may not approve of him but you just tell them one day you'll how much of a gr8 man he is like I do. Tell your family str8 cause it takes a man 2 do what he did. Yknw.. hes been clean 4 2 yrs THATS GREAT!, Hes actually getting his life back on track but the thing is he's gonna fall off the track sometimes and you gotta be there for him when that happens and let him know that he aint alone in this one & that your there 4 him.
So give him a chance...yknw you want to.Don't forget it is a 2 way street in this relationship so remind him that youneed alittle support 2 in things 2.

Good Luck mate
&
Take it easy :)

P.S:Oh and sorry for the novel hehehehe

Answer 3

You're right, everyone has the ability to make changes in their lives and we all need the grace of others for second chances, or let's face it, no one in the world would be in a happy relationship.

But there are a few questions to ask yourself...
1) was he on his way to making these changes before he met you or are these things he's talking about changing since he realized he might have a chance with you?
2) You said you only met him a couple of weeks ago...are you taking things too fast? It takes YEARS to get to know someone and even then you can find yourself surprised. Why not spend more time getting to know him before considering if he's someone you're ready to make any kind of commitment too.
3) Is he a man? By this, I mean, does he take care of his responsibilities - his child, etc. His he acting as a responsible adult, rather than a man still in need of rehabilitation?

Consider these things...and take your time. There is no reason to rush into a relationship with him. Friendship is the best foundation for any relationship.

All the best,
-emay

Answer 4

I believe people can change- but only time will tell. If he is talking about future plans such as school/Army (etc) then see if he acts on that. Does he have a job?Does he support his child? How does he treat his child? How does he treat his family?
Another thing to think about: Are your parents right? Is there a pattern? They could be looking out for your best interest- it is really hard to say a definite answer because we are not in your situation. Maybe you should talk with your parents about him- get your friends opinion- or others around you that you can trust to give you honest answers.
Just a thought *smile*

Answer 5

Well I would tell him to go back to school cuz I dont think he can join the military with a robbery charge even if it was a juvenile charge...unless it was a misdemeanor...as for your family approving....he has been clean for two years so obviously he is willing to change, tell him he can't smoke in your parents house because they no longer smoke...trust me they were smokers once they will understand, as far as the child goes...who cares, a lot of people have kids young now...is he taking care of this kids??? does he pay his child support?? If so I would say that they will see that he is being responsible for his actions and will probably be a lot easier on him than you think....As a parent I can honestly say that as long as my baby girl is happy and the man treats her he way I think she should be treated then who cares what happened in his past!!!


Good luck!

Answer 6

Did you know him then? Perhaps he's learned from his past and is a better person because of it. You can't judge someone especially if you were not there during that time period.
It doesn't help make you (or what your family thinks) feel better. If he makes you happy and you fall in love with him
it is your life. If he turns out to be the person he was, "told you so" is there. If you feel he's worth it try it out. If you see a few red flags in time. Go.

Suggest quitting smoking - tell him the impact and how your parents quit. Maybe you're worth it.
If he's a good father, that is a + or perhaps you can help him be a good dad.
The fact he's clean right now is good, but it's on your radar.
The jail thing is an issue - but perhaps he learned and will make his life better because of mistakes.

Answer 7

1. tell him to smoke outside because your parents don't like smoker being that they kicked the habit
2. accept the fact that he's got to have a relationship with the mother of his child and don't get jealous of it.
3. support him in his recovery
4. if he'll steal from a stranger chances are he'll steal from you so watch your stuff

Everybody does deserve a change but at what cost? Make sure that you know who you are and what you want out of this relationship and don't compromise. Then if the good outweigh the bad then go ahead and be with him.

Answer 8

hunni been there done that tell your parents all of that up front and honestly but tell them the good stuff to thats what most people leave out they tell all the bad and leave out all the good stuff so tell them that you really like him and that you have accepted the way that he is and that you think that everyone in the world needs a second chance and you really want them to get to know him before they judge him and always be honest casue if you aren't and they find out then you are in more trouble then ever..... good luck and i wish you the best

Answer 9

everybody deserves a 2nd chance...if they're willing to change for the better. If he can prove to you that he's really sorry for his past actions and wants to grow up, go for it. My cousin was a lot like that, went to juvy, drugs, etc etc. but he grew up, he's working at delphi, just bought a house and proposed to his girlfriend. people can change (kick the smoking habit..) and if your parents can understand that and he can PROVE (huge deal) that he is, there should be no reason for a problem.

Answer 10

well...there is a problem with everyone..
i cried when my bf talked about going to army..
its not family who is gonna live with him..its you!
If you think you are right to give him a chance, you shouldn't worry.
Your family wants your good, so be VERY sure before taking any decision..