5&7siblings constantly fighting?

Question

constant fighting between the two, my 7 year old constantly picks on the 5 year old, it goes as far as playdates. the oldest doesnt want his freinds to talk to my 5 year old.. meanwhile my 5 year old is so easy going...
myself I have an older sister who is bipolar..havent talked to her in 10 years she treated me the same way my 7 year old treats my 5 year old..
I am at a point that I am gonna have my 7 year old tested for bilpolar or ADD etc...
my mom ignored the behavior of my sister towards me.. I am not gonna ignore the behavior.. am I wrong to do this??
i have taken things away, I dont treat them any different, any toys they get are the same (different color)
I feel stressed and tired... we have our own business so my husband is not home and I am like a single mom especially in the winter... I need advice I love them so much I just want peace in my house

Answer 1

I would hope you would treat them different. Might be your problem. Its the amount of love, that you need not treat them different with. But if the 7 year old gets babied like the 5 year old your going to have a conflict over your attention. The fact is they should have different levels of attention. Being 5 isn't the same as being 7 and you as a mom need to be the one to show want the different is. Mostly that a 7 year old should be treated as a more responsible individaul in the house, and if he isn't acting responsible that has a lot to do with the way your treating him. Don't blame the kids, we raise them, and in the end there problems are because of us and the realitly we brought them into. Its time to increase the level of communication with the 7 year old and make him feel a little be more like an adult 7 year old with a baby sister to help take care of, not another older baby conflicting with the younger baby over whats his and whats not his. And just so you know I had ADhD at about his age is when I was diagnosed but there really needs to be a learning disablitiy envovled. If he is doing good in school it isn't ADD. And Bipolar is generic label for just about every mental illness outside of scheziaphrina. So don't go blaming his chemical make up, your going to make it hard on the both of you. Just talk heart to heart with the little man, let him know how he is making it hard on himself to. Its time to use that conscious you've been working so hard to develop for what it is meet to do and thats keep him out of hurting himself, trouble, and forming his own ideals. Unfornatly I wish you could be the one to completly fix it but the situation with the father is going to put you in a very strange position with those two. Mostly due to the fact that it isn't right, father needs to be there as much as possible too. Not just to take some of the stress off of you but because kiddo's are sensitive to whats missing. They don't know whats wrong, but they feel it, just like you do. With that peice missing most of the time there's going to be resenments and if your really serious about doing the right thing you need to ether bring some good friends or family around, or get some family counsiling. Its all going to come down to communication, not about whats right or whats wrong, but just heart felt conversations about how everyone feels and what you can do to make it better for everyone to live in that house. Best of luck its a social problem really not yours per-say, but its up to all of us to find our own ways to cope and not just survive in life, but thrive.