I love people. Every evening friends and family gather at my place for tea, coffee, conversation, a bit of music making... it's normally great. Right now, however, time is pressed. I've told folks that I need a couple of evenings to myself... yet still they come.
Anything I can do to politely and gently get my needs across?
2007-03-08 00:16:32 · 19 answers · asked by Mikisew 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If you already told them that you need some time to yourself, when they show up at the door tell them that you are sorry but you have things to do. Tell them again that right now you have matters that you must attend to. They are simply being rude and inconsiderate if they know the score but continue to show up. They obviously are not respecting you or your needs. Your front door may be a revolving door, but that does mean you have to be a door mat for everyone in your life.Take the time to take care of yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
2007-03-08 00:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Answer the door, say I'm sorry, and then tell the truth. My house is a mess, I have a migraine, my work schedule is so busy. Have a day picked out that you can tell them it is ok to come over, or tell them when to call you to set up a date. If you tell them to call, they will get the idea they are supposed to call before coming over.
Other ideas are to call a few people, and set up a date for tea, Or make it know that a certain time and date is the day from now on that you will have open house.
And if your budget is a problem, ask people to bring something. Jane, could you bring a can of coffee? Or some dessert? My checking account is maxed out right now. Don't be embarrassed to say that, the economy is in a slump right now, a lot of people are maxed out.
You are so blessed to have friends and family who care. Many people do not. I hope you can resume your tea and coffee times, soon. and, maybe, if one of them is really close to you, they can pick a date and have folks over to their house, so you can rest.
2007-03-08 01:50:31 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an idea. It may not seem like much but the next time they all come over you hand them a INVITATION. This invitation for tea and crumpets or whatever you have with tea... anyway this is to set up a date for your friends to pop by. So they from that point on get the hint they can come when invited. and like the other responder answered in yahoo answers here. Leave the lights off on days you prefer oneness time. However, lying to them I wont suggest. That just makes you lose credibility.
However, I think you are blessed with souls wanting to be your friend and have a cup of tea with you. I suspect it's also costing you money to feed everyone coffee and tea. Next time you leave the tea kettle or coffee pot in a centrally located area with a donation coffee can so they can put their 2 bits in the can. That might also weed out the other coffee users from so many freebie drinks.
2007-03-08 00:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kill_Me_Now! 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cannot 'gently' get your point across. You have to trust that your friendships are strong enough to allow for honesty! Pick your days and let all your friends know before hand that you are 'unavailable' those days. You may even want to schedule a few evenings out of the house, so if they do drop by, they will learn that they made the trip for nothing.
If you are uncomfortable being so blunt, you may try something like "I'm unavailable Tuesday, but how about if we get together Friday". That way, you are letting the person know that you still value their time and friendship while setting boundries.
If that doesn't work, put a sign on your door saying "please do not disturb". Either way, you must have privacy or your will begin to resent your friends, and that isn't honest.
2007-03-08 00:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by banshee_in_middleville 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its a habit you initiated and I don't believe there is an easy way to turn them away.
You might try telephoning each and every one of your friends/family who normally come over and tell them that you need time to yourself. Everyone does. That should be enough.
If not, don't run and hide, answer the door and gently say that it isn't convenient to visit tonight. Difficult to do, but you will feel relieved.
In my home, I expect a telephone call first to arrange a visit at a mutually convenient time, as I am constantly busy, and reciprocate. Just good manners.
Good Luck.
2007-03-08 03:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them "Look, I'd love to visit but I told you I'm really pressed for time, I can't right now. Give me the time to work a couple days and all the sooner we'll have time to visit again."
If they *still* don't leave, you can be less polite, stop answering the door or something; being polite is not the same as allowing others to walk all over you!
2007-03-08 03:10:28 · answer #6 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lock the door and spend time in the bedroom reading..they will go away. Maybe put a note on the door that you are not feeling very good. in a way its true..you are burnt out and need a break.
2007-03-08 01:16:40 · answer #7 · answered by wartytoadjody39 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn off your lights
Pretend you have a migraine and politely say that you just need a quite night alone and you'll call them in a couple of days when you feel better
don't answer your door, lock it and hide in your bathroom, maybe take a bubblebath while you're in there lol
2007-03-08 00:23:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
you could say don't bother me....i can't cope right now...but to be polite say; "please call before you come and don't take it personally that i'm needing some alone time." then you should hang up, close the door or whatever...and real friends will wait for an invite.
2007-03-08 00:31:38 · answer #9 · answered by formerlylunesta@yahoo.com 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not answer the door when they come over.
2007-03-08 03:10:37 · answer #10 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋