Why doesn't he tell people that we broke up?

Question

My BF and I broke up, but are trying to remain friends. (It's only been a week, so we'll see how THAT goes.) We got together with a few other couples a few days later, and he didn't tell them about us. I am in a bit of a "state of denial", so I don't want to mention anything. He is close to his parents and so far has only told them. I was a mess, so I told everyone that I was connected to without him.

Why wouldn't he tell people we broke up? Am I obligated to tell people? It would be really painful to share, and I don't want to end up in tears.

To clarify a few things- he was the one that broke it off, and we are adults and will encounter other adults. I asked this question before, but there seemed to be some confusion.

Extra details:
-We broke up because he didn't feel like he was falling in love and he thought he should be. (Sidebar, he is recently divorced, and I think it was too soon for him to date anyone.)
-We are continuing to hang out because I want to, and so does he. The couples that we get together are all married or engaged and mostly from our church.

Answer 1

It's probably painful for him to talk about too, and he also may be in a "state of denial." Also, if you guys were out with several other couples, he knew that telling them would probably a) shift the focus of the evening and b) cause a scene. This is still brand new for both of you and getting emotional at a group event is probably not the best thing for either of you right now.

Breaking up with you was probably just as painful for him as it was for you to be broken up with. Adults don't split for stupid reasons, so if you broke up, it was because you honestly didn't work out together.

You are not obligated to tell people, just as he is not obligated to tell people. Don't tell people until it feels right, but don't put yourself in denial by telling people everything's great, or anything like that. In other words, take your time, but don't lie (to others, sure, but DEFINITELY not to yourself)

In my opinion, you may want to wait before trying the friendship thing. Give your emotions some time to settle, give yourselves some time to get over each other, and then try starting with a clean "friend" slate. In my experience it's much easier to move on if you're not seeing your ex all the time.

Answer 2

If someone asks you where he is or how he is.
you can tell them you broke it off. You do not have to go into a long spiel about it.
There is no need to share your upset or news with everyone.
He is probably feeling the same as you and doesn't want to broadcast it.
There is no reason to shout it out to everyone, it is not their business.
You tell the people closest to you and everyone sooner or later will find out.
I am sorry it ended this way for you, but maybe in the long run it might be a blessing in disguise.
you learn lessons from each relationship that help you be stronger for the next.
Cry a little and grieve then let go and get on with your life, it is waiting to experience the next adventure..

Answer 3

Why are you bothered? If HE's not telling people YOU should -or at least act like you're available. (If it's over it's OVER, babe, denial is for teenagers and psychos and people who are divorcing after 55 years of marriage and 14 kids together) It doesn't make sense to me that he's dumped you and you're still going out with him (and so soon) to meet other couples; and if "people" used to seeing you together as a couple are still seeing you together as a couple and neither of you is saying anything -HOW can "people" know? There isn't any kind of communal information board, dudette.

Answer 4

You are not obligated to tell anyone anything you do not want to tell them.

I would think if he is not telling ppl you two split its probably because he still loves you and can't bear the pain (same as you). Maybe you two should sit down and see if you can't reconsile the relationship.

Answer 5

My guess is that he is confused about what he wants. Without knowing your and his version of what happened, my best guess is that he still loves you, but there is something pushing him away from you (such as your jealousy or controlling nature) or something pulling him with temptations (like a really hot other girl who is sexy, young, and serving but doesn't "feel" right like you did). I don't know. Maybe I'm way off. Please forgive me for projecting my life into your question. lol

Again, please forgive me if I've given a wrong impression of your situation. I am only giving possible examples. I don't know you or anything about your relationship.

Answer 6

He either still loves you, or had feelings for you or he just doesnt think its important to tell people.

What were his reasons for ending it? How long had you been together? All things depend on these really.. plus the cardinal rule that men are just different to women and don't like to share things like this.

Keep your chin up.

Answer 7

He probably doesn't believe it's really true. Or maybe he's embarassed. Or possibly, since he broke it off, he is afriad he'll look like a jerk or you'll bad mouth him to your friends. Whatever it is, forget about the "still be friends" thing... it won't work. sorry.

Answer 8

He probably thinks it isn't "cool" not to have a girlfriend. So go ahead, take a deep breath, and tell people that you two aren't a couple anymore. If you cry, it's okay, I did that with my friends.

Answer 9

well its a sticky one but for you're own good let people know whats the go is , but don't do anything that might hurt or embarrass him as he might just be trying to sort his true feeling out

Answer 10

forget him, tell whoever you want to. but i wouldnt say anything if there is a chance of you guys getting back together