Frantic Auntie....?

Question

What am I supposed to do with three little boys? My brother, Kyle, and his wife, Susie, died in a house fire two months ago, it’s taken that long for people to realize they had a will. I just found out that I have to baby proof my house and turn my spare rooms into their rooms. What am I going to do?

I love my nephews, I do, but I’m twenty-one and have no clue where to start with being a mom. Even though I know I’m not taking Susie’s place in their hearts, I am taking over the Motherly role. Tyler is 5, Nick is 21 mo., and Sam is almost 3 mo. Where do I start?

I’m looking for advice to help me baby proof the house; it is two story, 4 bedroom, 2 ½ bath, with kitchen, small dining area, living room, office, pantry, laundry room, garage entrance. It’s bigger then their house was and I don’t know where to start with it. I have a front door, side door (leading to the garage), and back door. I have stairs going upstairs, plus a set that’s behind a door to the attack. It was left to me buy my Aunt, just in case you were wondering.

What do I buy for them? Do I spoil them? Do I not? How do I do this? What kind of clothes do I buy? Do I buy character bedding? I can do the emotional thing with them, my and my brother went through something similar when we were younger. But I have no idea how to do the buying of things for them.

What do I need for Sam? He is so young, is their anything special I need? What about Nick? How do I know it’s age appropriate and not for someone younger? Tyler can tell me what he likes, but what if he likes something that is to old for him?

I just need help, I’m a list person. I need a check list of what to buy, with a side list of what not to buy because it’s over the top or not appropriate for their age.

I get the kids in a few weeks. Thank you for the help.

Allie

Answer 1

Oh gosh you're a good soul to take on so much when you are so young. There is nothing simple about little kids and babies.

To babyproof:

1. Put latch locks on every door in the house you might not want them to go into. Put sturdy baby gates over the top of every stair case (or it's guaranteed the two younger ones will fall downstairs).

2. Put cupboard door baby locks on every low cupboard door you don't want them to get into.

3. Take out everything dangerous out of every low down cupboard, or in fact anyplace, that a crawling toddler can get to. You need to get down on your hands and knees and pretend to be a toddler to figure out what they can see and reach.

4. Go to a specialty baby store (like Babies R Us for example). Cruise around and you'll get the idea what sorts of things you might need. If there's any helpful sales clerk start chatting with them.

5. See if there is a Parenting Group or Class in your community. They usually offer them for free and include free babysitting. It's a very nice way to meet other parents and ask every "stupid" question you can think of and still get excellent answers.

6. You're going to have to put them kids in daycare right? The people at the daycare centres are licenced Early Childhood Educators. Guess what they're going to be very happy to discuss with you!!!

7. They are going to get sick and hurt from time to time even if you're the perfect mom. Find out who their pediatrician is and where the nearest 24/7 medical clinic or emergency room is. Trust me you'll be there from time to time, not to scare you, but strange fevers in the middle of the night and tumbles off of chairs and swallowing strange objects are going to happen no matter what.

Answer 2

Listen hon, I've got 3 kids of my own under the age of 6, and I'm 26 and welcome to a life of hell and joy all mixed in one, but I believe that u r a very wonderful person u r like an angel for the kids, please do ur best to enjoy the munchkins while u have them. The loss of their parents must be so hard on them, so be prepared for emotional turmoil. In the end always remember it will work out, no matter how bad it seems. And try to get some time for yourself here and there, even if it's just after they've gone to bed. Now for the list of things I can think of as best I can to help u:
1. Bottles
2. Diapers and wipes (2 sizes of diapers if the 2 year old is still using)
3. A potty to train the 2 year old. (good luck!)
4. Lots of clothes all different sizes. The good thing about kids clothes is they usually take around the size that they are, like 4 for a 4 year old..etc. Don't forget plenty of socks, undies, shoes and jackets.
5. U don't need special sheets, as long as they have a nice clean bed, save that money for laundry detergent!
6. Better now to stock up on baby and kids tylenol, cough and cold medicines.
7. Baby will need diaper rash cream.
8.The baby is only 3 months, stock up on formula.
9. May as well stock up on starter baby foods too.
10. TOYS!!!!!!
11. The 5 year old is in school? Nice bookbag and lunch can will do fine
12. High chair.
13. Car seats/booster seat.
14. kids shampoo, our stuff will sting their little eyes.
15. LOVE

What u r doing is such a special thing, u shouldn't spoil them, or make them feel as an inconvenience. If u do this u will have alot more problems in the future than u do now. There isn't really alot u shouldn't get them, you'll get the hang of it especially when ur pocket book is running low. Take them to macdonald's once a week, the park, ice cream, a zoo. Get them a pool and swing set for out back in the summer. Don't worry ur motherly instinct will soon sink in. Don't forget the fridge locks, cabinet locks and gates all easily found at ur local walmart. Oh and by the way the best thing I ever ever did was move everything UP at least 4 feet. And threw out a lot of crap. It's easier to know in ur mind they are safe. Oh and hon be sooo sooo super careful when cooking... my daughter burned her hand when she was 2 and will have the scar for life.. it was such a tramatic event. horrible. Always push everything back. Always use the back burners. Keep pot and pan holders pushed back, and even keep them in the high chairs. Take care of those little ones.. if u need any help, or just anything u can email me [e-mail] I should be a good help cause I'm a young mom of 3 as well. GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and his wife. I feel so sorry for their kids that were left behide, thank god they were not in the home at the time that fire took their parents lives.

Take it one day at a time. I had my first and only child when i was 21 and it is hard. You don't know what to do when you are new to the whole parenting thing but you will see it will start to come all together. Yes your taking on alot with 3 kids but they need someone and i am sure your brother would have done the same for you if this was turned around.

Here is a website on how to baby-proof your home: http://www.makeover.about.com/od/improveyourhome/a/babyproofing_4.htm

Buy them what they need. You should try to get someone to help you out for a little while. You will be taking care of a very small baby that will need diapers, formula and so much more. You will know what to buy. Just be there for them and if you need help ask a woman relative what to do when one gets sick but i am sure in no time you will get a motherly instinct.

If you need help with money then go to your welfare office and sign up on welfare, foodstamps and be sure you get WIC from the health department because formula is so expensive.
I feel for you. Sorry that all of this has happened. Take care. God bless you and those kids.

Answer 4

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and sister-in-law! But you really sound like you love your nephews, so I think you will do great!

Baby-proof = nothing within reach. Just make sure he has age-appropriate toys (and teething toys, because he'll start sooner than you think!). They should indicate on the label what ages the toys are for. Put this little guy's room near your's. You're the "mom" now - and nightly trips to his room to check on a crying baby are inevitable (unless of course, he sleeps through the night already). He's going to need all the paraphrenalia that comes with having a baby - crib, changing table, stroller, playpen, etc. Diapers, diaper wipes, burping cloths. If he gets a diaper rash, I recommend A+D ointment. Consult your friends or anyone you know who also has, or has had, a baby!

As for the older boys - they might want to share a room. There's absolutely no problem with character bedding! A little indulgence can make them feel that much more at home. Ask them if they like any particular character, like Spongebob, or another show. Just play to their tastes, but don't let them have everything. Use good sense. If you think something is too old or mature for them, just say so. You're not supposed to be their best friend - you're supposed to be the one who says "no" from time to time. It really is for their own good, they just don't know it yet. What kid hasn't thrown a temper tantrum or two when they haven't gotten their way?

Is there a "Parenting for dummies" book you can get? I wouldn't doubt it. Or something similar.

Make sure you have baby gates, so they can't wander off where you don't want them to get into things, or get hurt.

Anything you have that is just your stuff, like work-related, or other, be sure to devote a room to this. A computer/workroom, which you seem to already have.

Just make sure that the rooms you let them use are really their's. Try to keep stuff that isn't their's out of these rooms. This will make it more inviting for them to put their stuff in, and create a home space for themselves.

If in doubt - consult a friend, and use your common sense! It is better to be too cautious than not enough. Everything mentioned above doesn't begin to cover the tiny little questions you'll have, but hopefully it'll help somewhat!

Obviously, since your brother and sister-in-law entrusted the care of their kids to you, they have faith in you! You will do just fine. Good luck!!

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss, but I am glad someone who loves the children will be taking them in.

I could make you a list or refer you to a website, but I think that you should contact your local St John's Ambulance (if you are in Canada or the UK) or equvilent for help. They will come to your house, help you babyproof, teach you how to properly use a car seat, and can answer most of the questions you have. Generally it will cost less than $50 for them to do this.

You say Tyler is 5, so he can probably help you out as you go along when mistakes are made. Generally kids at that age, especially being the oldest, like to try and act adult when they are given the opportunity.

Once you have saftied the house, make sure they eat healthy, get lots of exercise and love, and you should be fine.

Answer 6

Allie, I am truly sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family. I know it's hard, but try to calm down. Kids can and do pick up on tension. As for Tyler he can tell you what he likes and such and he will most likely be the only one that will remember their mommy long term. The other two will remember through your stories. As for lists All cleaning stuff of any kind and sharp stuff need to be put away. Well balanced meals most of the time are good, but junk food from time to time is good too. Pick and choose your battles. Every parent messes up from time to time. Before you get the kids watch the movie Raising Hellene I think it might help. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Looks like everyone here that has answered you have mentioned alot of things you must do, but I believe they failed to mention one important thing ;you must do and that is keep things high out of their reach especially with babies they can pull on cords and thats where accidents happen, use those locks on the cupboards that they can reach and put covers on the outlets so they don't stick things in and get electrical shocks, put those door covers on so they can not get into rooms you don't want them in that have hazards that you can not baby proof. Buy clothes a little bigger than what they state they are appropriate for to save on buying clothes more frequently let them grow into the clothes instead of growing out of like most people do, and never turn down clothes and toys that are handed down to you for them this will save you a lot of money, try to be as frugal as you can with children as they can ruin you financially. Most of the child rearing will come naturally as it does with parents and read some baby magazines and books for help in this situation. Good Luck !

Answer 8

Find out who their doctor is and call him up. I'm sure in light of ther istuation he would be more than willing to give you lists of things you will need and how to babyproof. He can at least set you up with local groups that will know how to help.

Answer 9

The same thing has happened to me, I am the aunt of a child I 've been taking care of my sisters daughter for 6 years, it is better to take them with you and let them choose what they want, it gives them choices and makes them feel they are a part of whats going on. ( She has her bedroom done in the BRATS) she is 14 now.......... SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS

Answer 10

you can e mail or im me and we cn make some lists together
here are some links that should help
www.ajfca.org/losingparent.html