my girlfriend and i have been together for quite a while. next month it will be our 1 year anniversary and i love her. my best friend i have known since like 7th grade and he can't stand her for reasons too long to list here. he tells me to break up with her for his reasons and she tells me not to hang out with him for her reasons. everytime i want to hang out with her he is calling me to go with him, anytime i go hang out with him she tells me if i don't go with her she will get mad at me. i'm in a lose-lose situation. this has been going on for a while now and i really don't know what to do. i don't want to choose. anybody with a similar situation, and how did you handle it?
2007-03-07 18:03:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
there is an old proverb that rings true for your situation. It says that there are two people who know if you have found "the one", your mother and your best friend. So, while you might not like to hear it, your best friend not liking your gf is pretty darn important. How doesn your mom feel about your girlfriend? That may be the clincher in this deal.
The other option is simple, but most adults can't handle it. PHYSICALLY SIT THESE TWO KNUCKLEHEADS DOWN TOGETHER AND FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL THERE PROBLEM IS WITH ONE ANOTHER. Explain that they are both important parts of your life and right now they are being a pain in your hind parts! I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, TWO PEOPLE COMMUNICATING THERE PROBLEMS!
aND I KNOW, I KNOW...It's not the "guy" thing to do. So, don't be a "guy" in this situation. Be a man!
2007-03-07 18:14:55 · answer #1 · answered by McHales_navy_22 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your situation and....it sucks. I took the girl over the best friend and have regretted it ever since (especially after we broke up 3 weeks later....yup that really sucked losing both).
Let look at it from an odd's making ratio, the chances of this girl "being the one" are not very good. Maybe 15% at best.
The odds of finding another "best friend" especially when you've know someone for years is even worse, like 5%. If your out of school and working for a living, the odd's are ZERO that you will find another friend like the one you have.
If you can though, try and get the two of them to at least tolerate each other. Ask them if its worth losing you over!
If they can't work it out though - Trust me, bro's before ho's - its a tough lesson to learn, don't make my mistake. (It didn't help that the girl in my case was my buddies but damn she was fine.
God gave men two heads but only enough blood to think with one, make sure its the right one!)
2007-03-07 18:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by itdaytrader 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds too painfully familiar:
Your friend should be happy that you found a girl you like. Instead he's bent because you're spending time with her and not him. Your girlfriend sounds a little too posessive and needs to mellow out. You had friends before she came into the picture and a balance needs to exist between them.
I ended up losing the friend I had for 30 years becuase of some blatant actions on his part. My girlfriend became my wife. I am happy with the outcome.
2007-03-07 18:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by m k 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always say the friends are more important. They were around before the girl, and they'll be around after the girl. And generally, there are so many things that your friends know about you that you partner might not. Your girlfriend should understand the importance of keeping in touch with your friends, especially if they're guys and especially if she is still in contact with all of her friends and you don't complain about it.
Don't choose, and don't let them speak to you about each other. Tell them that you don't want to hear it and all of their nasty talk makes you not enjoy their company. They're just being competitive with each other. Whoever asks you to choose or gives you an ultimatum should be the one to go.
2007-03-07 18:09:48 · answer #4 · answered by Snow White 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lose-lose situation is right. The only thing you can do is tell both of them that you care about them and want to spend time with them, its not like your askin them to hang out together. Its kinda like your parents got divorced and now you have to choose who you want to live with and each one is putting the other down. If they gave a damn about your feelings, the wouldnt do that to you and you need to tell them so. If one or the other puts you in a spot of making a choice, its either me or him/her, then mabey that person isnt someone that needs to be in your life anyway to make you make that kind of choice. good luck with this one.
2007-03-07 18:15:27 · answer #5 · answered by mcfly_lives 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to go for the girlfriend. Love is stronger than friendship. If it works out with this girl she will become your best friend.
I am not going to criticise either of them. This happens often- its because they are having to compete for your attention. The best friend isnt used to it and the girlfriend doesnt think she should have to.
I think if the best friend is really there for you unconditionally as a friend should be, he will understand if you spend your time with the girl. If spending time with him annoys her, maybe just ask him to give you some space to let your relationship breathe.
If you love the girl you have to choose her, and hopefully he would understand that as your best friend.
Hopefully the three of you will be friends in the future
2007-03-07 18:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by Oz Billy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you got a problem. they do not like each other and they are going to make you choose. I think you should pick the friend. He has been there for you and this girl has been around for a year. He probably sees things that you cannot and that is why he does not like her. She knows he don't like her and so she will want you to drop him. but if she loved you she would not want to make you drop your friend in the first place so I think the friend has more of your interests at heart.
2007-03-07 18:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by digimutt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been in that kind of situation before.
But I have been in situations where I have been in awkward positions when it comes to friends not getting along.
I can give you some advice.
I think you have to sit with both of them one-on-one and let them know how you feel... that you don't want to choose because BOTH of them mean so much to you. Let them feel what it's like to be in your shoes. Tell them that you will set aside time for both of them separately... since your gf and best friend can't get along.
If your best friend is a true friend and your girlfriend really loves you, they will understand.
Don't pick one of them. Pick both of them. Put equal effort in both the relationships. Life isn't about choosing... it's compromising.
2007-03-07 18:08:26 · answer #8 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that eventually you will have to choose. If it was me, I'd choose the best friend, because through thick and thin, the best friend will be there for you.
The girl friend could get mad at you for something, and drop you like a hot potato. But the best friend will be your friend for years to come. You could also find a new girl friend. So, if you have to choose, take the best friend.
2007-03-07 18:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look there is nothing much to be confused about this. You should give equal importance to both of them. Because you need both of them in different parts or different stages of your life. Look what you have to do here is, you should tell about your friend to your girlfriend in such a way that she accepts that for you and the same way about your girl friend to your friend. If both of them are so close to you and if they trust or believe you they will accept this. No doubt about that. Try it :)
2007-03-07 18:20:01 · answer #10 · answered by karthik n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋