Should our daughter be at the birth of her sibling?

Question

Our daughter will be 5 years old next month. She is thrilled that her little brother will be born any day now. I want my husband to be at the birth and we had hoped to get a babbysitter for our daughter but we've had no luck finding one. We are now considering having her at the birth. She knows how it will happen, she asked questions and I wasn't going to lie, but I still fear that if she sees it happening she may be traumatised. Can young children be affected by such an experience? Could she be traumatised or would it be educational for her? Somebody help!

Answer 1

I have had 3 homebirths, which meant that the siblings were always there when their younger brother/sister was born, the first homebirth my eldest woke almost as soon as her sister was born, so wasn't actually present for the delivery, but when I had my 3rd child, both his sisters were present, they don't seem to have been traumatised by witnessing his arrival, in fact I would say that it was a positive bonding experience, the girls loved their little brother from the offset, I think they felt included and as a result we didn't ever have any jealousy or sibling rivalry. I should mention that my eldest was 4 and my second daughter was just 15 months when he was born.
Your daughter is older and most probably wiser, so long as she is prepared for the possibilty of seeing her mum in pain I would encourage you to take her with you, it is an amazing experience and children tend not to have the same squeamishness as adults.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

It all depends on if everything goes smoothly and there are NO complications before during or after your son is born. This means that nothing becomes wrong with either of you. THAT could be very traumatic to her in a very scary way. However, if everything goes perfectly well it could be a very beneficial experience for her. She will feel very special that she got to be there and help mommy and new brother. I suggest showing her some pictures and or a movie on EXACTLY what she will see. Telling her is 1 thing but a 5 year old needs something visual to really grasp what she will see/experience. Back to my 1st section-there are NEVER anyway to forsee all types of problems that could occur at the last minute. That is the chance we all take but you have to descide if you want to take that risk with a 5 year old. It's a tough call.It could be a terrific experience for her and then again, possibly not. Whatever you choose- Lots of Luck and I'll pray that EVERYTHING goes perfectly :).

Answer 3

I don't think you should allow her to be at the birth.

First of all, something like this, regardless of the supposedly how much your daughter knows about it, is not really the appropriate thing for a child to see. Meaning her mother in pain, the hospital staff, etc. To a child it is like a mental movie in their head, they won't really understand everything.

Second, if god forbid something were to happen, the results would be devasting. Your daughter (just like the other user noted) would be scarred for life.

I recommend keeping her somewhere near so that when mommy is resting with the new baby, she can come, talk, etc...

Good luck and hope this helps!

Answer 4

I don't think she should be in the room with you while the baby is being born, but I do think that she should be at the hospital and be in the room after the birth. That's my opinion, I think 5-years old would be too young to see something like that happening. She's only 5, she doesn't really need to know exactly where babies come from.

Answer 5

i agree that your daughter may be frightened by this experience. even 15-year-olds couldn't stand watching a birth when we saw a video of it back when i was in tenth grade. is there any way that you could take your daughter to the hospital but have a family member or friend stay with her outside in the waiting room? i don't know much it would benefit her for a learning experience as it would be traumatizing.

Answer 6

It is up to you, I think if you want her to be there it is fine but the moment she starts to get worried or upset take her out of the room. Have your husband or mom or whoever you can take care of her and reassure her that you are fine and her brother will be here soon. That's the best advice I can give. I hope it helps.

Answer 7

i think it would be scary and overwhelming for a 5 year old to see her mom in pain, no matter how well it's been explained to her. She's used to a secure environment where if she's afraid or sad or hurt she can get comfort form mom or dad, helping her feel secure and loved. Can you imagine what it would be like for her if she gets scared or upset but she's not the top priority? no 1 will be able to give her their full attention, especially not your husband our yourself. It will make her feel frightened and bewildered I think. Can't you hire a baby sitter? even if she just sits in the hospital canteen withy our daughter til after the birth when daddy can collect her and show her her new brother.

Answer 8

Although a lot of people have taken their children into the birthing room with them I don't think it is a good idea. If God forbid, something was to happen to your or your baby she would never forget that and it could scar her for life.

Answer 9

Not a good idea. I don't think she would understand. Think about it - Mommy is crying or making scarey noises, Daddy looks scared, all these strange people are in the room, it's very bright - You would be worrying instead of focusing on the birth.

Answer 10

I don't think it is appropriate for a child that young to see her mother in that much pain, whether she will be traumatized or not is another story. But she will more than likely remember seeing her mother in pain. As a mother I know I wouldn't want my daughter to see me like that, so young because they don't understand what is going on.