How do I raise my son to be a clean person and not a slob like his dad??

Question

My boyfriend is a great person, but when it comes to doing the dishes, laundry, or helping me to pick up the house he hardly does it-- I blame all of this on his mother, because she has never taught him what it means to be a responsible adult-- he's 24 and never filed his taxes before he met me-or has never made mashed potatoes-- I say its his mother's fault because she might as well a 13-year-old trapped in a 48 year- olds body-- The thing is that we live at her house, till we can save enough money to move out,...my son is still an infant but I'm afraid he's going to pick up the irresponsibility of his father and grandmother one day and drive his future wife crazy... any advise on how I can prevent that from happening?

Answer 1

Have him help you with the house cleaning. Teach him to clean his OWN room and sort his OWN laundry. I am doing that with my 4 year old and it is working extremely well! Tell him, when he gets older of course, he cannot play, watch TV etc etc, until all of his "chores" are done! But remember, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree- so he may be somewhat of a slob, but he will know how to clean and do laundry on his own... and for crying out loud, file his own taxes! Geez! I bet you are going bonkers!

Oh- and don't listen to the lame asses above! I lived at my BOYFRIENDS parents house for 3 years, we have been together for 7 years, we have two beautiful girls and we are HAPPY EVER AFTER! Believe me honey, you don't have to get married! If you are happy with him, and he is a good father, then stay that way! You don't have any problems with your relationship - but I will pray that you are able to move out on your own. We now have a house together and it is AWESOME! Chow!

Answer 2

I have the same problem. Only my son is 7 now. I just make him be responsible for the messes he makes. I have found that if he has to clean them up himself, he is less likely to make them. Also in a year or two I am going to have him start helping around the house. He will be at an age where he wants to go do things with his friend and so forth, so he can help out to earn these privileges. Some people start kids doing chores sooner but this is my plan, and I hope it works. Another thing I do which I know I shouldn't is whenever his Dad asks him to do something or get something for him that he can darn well do for himself but is just too lazy, I tell my son to ask him why he can't do it for himself. Cause his Dad won't do anything for him that he can do for himself and I think it should go both ways!!

Answer 3

Please, don't be a perfectionist about it, but as your son gets into his toddler years, like 3yrs. old and up, let him help you around the house on a few things. Like getting himself dressed, (whatever he chooses) and putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. When he is about 5 yrs. old, let him make his own bed, (his level-just pulling the covers up, is good enough for now). Also, you can let him help set the table properly by showing him, and help with the dishes. Let him help with the luandry, by helping put the clothes in the machines, maybe adding already measured sop, fabric softner, etc. Just not bleach. Yet. When he is ten, he can help take out the garbage. He can be taught starting at age three to put his toys away wher they belong, before he goes to bed. You need to help him at first, make a game of putting the toys away, things like that. Example is the best way to teach a child. And, please encourage him with compliments (good job!) and small rewards, sticker to start, with a chart of so many stickers, then a reward of a day at the park, or some other fun thing you don't normally do with him. Also, you might, since your child is still an infant, consider taking parenting classes in your area to help with ideas. It helps for parents to give each other helpful tips, and to know you aren't the only one. Take care. Enjoy that little one!

Answer 4

Move out of her house soon before the child is old enough to acquire the bad habits...once you have a home of your own...make it clear that you're not the maid. If both of you work then both of you should share household duties and child care. When your son is walking...start by having him pick up his toys with you helping him...make a game of it. Gradually have him do this himself. When he's 4 or 5 have him pick up toys and do little tasks like help you with emptying waste baskets or putting dishes away...increase the level of chores as he ages. Also reward him with an allowance and at the same time teach him to save part of it. By doing this you are teaching him responsibility with chores as well as with saving money and watching his savings grow

Answer 5

Well first thing check out the fact if you want to live like this for the rest of your life. If so putting it bluntly accept it, you will never change him. Men are so easily brainwashed and babied by there mommies. If you can deal with it as most women can and do, then you can change it w/ your son, as it is a learned behavior. Do chores, cooking, etc w/ your son have him help you(if he does not do them well tell him good job anyhow and you can always sneak in and fix it) your son will be taught by you it is not just womens work he should be able to maintaine many things himself and be proud to do so. You as his mom will teach him how to become a good man.

Answer 6

Aside from setting a good example, try enrolling him in courses which develops discipline in a person, when he grows up. Tai-chi for one is highly recommended as it not only develops discipline but also develops the inner self of a person. It is an ancient method which originates in China but is now being taught in some areas around the globe for it's many benefits, e.g. enhancing one's skills and inner-self. He will be able to apply it wherever he goes and whatever he will do in the future. Try to research on the web about this teaching if you want additional details.

Answer 7

The more you degrade the boys father and grandmother, the more likely he will grow up anti-MOM rather than the person
you indicate you want him to be.

From the tone of your letter, there is not a positive thing
about your boyfriend or his mother....and I find that hard
to believe. The best way to raise your son to be a
"clean" person, is to demonstrate respect for his grandmother
and at least some love for his father. If you can do neither, what will the son pick up from you?

Answer 8

The best advise i can give is to live by example.
i grew up in a very messy/very disorganized home, i would clean my room only because i wanted to, not because i was told and the only reason my room became messy in the first place was because no one showed me otherwise. i never learned from my parents how to be neat or clean.
to avoid this situation in the future i would tell my son they must clean up their toys before they could have a snack or go out. and as i said before lead by example; if u see a mess(even if u didn't make it) don't waste time on blame, just quietly clean it up, your son will see you do this and assume that this is the right thing to do.
trust me it works :)

Answer 9

First of all, move out of the mother in law's house ASAP (even if it means you have to live in a trailer or a studio apartment - because your sanity is more important than how many rooms you have!).

Second, as soon as your son is old enough to do stuff, give him chores - and make sure that if he doesn't do them, nobody will do them for him! As he gets older, give him stuff to do, and make sure he understands that if he doesn't do it, nobody is going to run behind him and do it for him!

Good luck!!!

Answer 10

A child will only do what you expect of him, so at an early age you need to put everything in motion such as when he plays with his toys make him play with only one at a time and when he's finished with it make him put it where it belongs. I think as soon as a child can hold onto things you let them play with even though they can't walk, you carry the child to the toy box, holding the toy and then dropping it in the proper place. As they get older you make them pick them up and carry them and put them back where they belong. Also, soon as their old enough to start make them put their dirty clothes where they belong. My 2 1/2 yr. old granddaughter automatically scrapes her plate, puts her toys and dirty clothes where they belong. And it all came from her parents starting early teaching her these things. Also, when she wants to help me dust or with the dishes I let her, knowing it won't be done to my standards but I always work with her showing her how to do it right and praising her for her efforts. Children love praise and it encourages them to do things most people hate to do.