Dealing with my messy in-laws!?

Question

First off, I love my inlaws as people and they think the world of me, but they still drive me nuts sometimes.

They are messy people. They live on a farm, and the house looks like the barn. Dirty dishes, dogs running crazy, tons of cats in the garage, garbage piled up.

I have put in a lot of time around the farm with construction projects, even though my wife and I live 1 1/2 hrs away. The inlaws do appreciate this.

Recently I re-drywalled and painted a spare room in the house for my wife and I to stay in when we visit. This was after the roof leaked and ruined the ceiling in the room. We brought our own bedding, etc to furnish it.

The 4 dogs in the house tore up the bedding, and the inlaws did nothing to stop them or keep them out of the room I refinished. I didnt say anything to the inlaws but they knew I was p*ssed off.

My wife has big plans for me to redo other rooms of the house-- painting, ripping up floors.

Do I have a right to be irritated and stop the projects?

Answer 1

If your work is just going to be ruined then I wouldnt put in the time and effort if I were you.
They have lived like that for enough years that they arent going to change.
Its your time and work and you have the right to not do it. Your wife would be unreasonable if she expects you to keep working on the rooms.

Answer 2

Hmmm...Why is the wife so interested in re-doing her parent's house? Are they also interested or is it her pushing everything? Because it is possible that her parents are not totally happy with the projects and that's why they let the dogs into the room. That would be the first question I'd have to answer before I continued.

If her parents are wanting things done to, you might only do projects that involve items not so easily destroyed. For example, paint the walls but don't buy any new furniture. Or put in shelves but don't put down new floors if the pets would use them for a bathroom.

But you also have the right not to put any more blood, sweat and tears into these projects if you don't want to or they aren't needed. You should only feel pressured to do them if you are fixing hazardous conditions or you enjoy the work.

Answer 3

Absolutely! It's your time and effort you're putting into these projects and if you feel it's just going to be trashed, you certainly have a right to refuse. My aunt needed some serious help with her house a couple of years ago. The entire family got together and offered materials and labor to make the repairs: on the condition that she whittled down her animal collection to one dog and one cat. Now I'm not saying that you should do the same but you certainly can let your wife know that you don't plan to invest any more time and money into the in-laws house until something is done to keep it from getting trashed. If they ask, feel free to tell the in-laws the same. Why should you continue these projects if you're the only one who cares? They're certainly free to live any way they like but you don't have to break your back or the bank for it all to go to waste.

Answer 4

First of all, Let me say that I can empathize....My monster in law is the messiest of them all, The wife and I have dreams of going there in the distant future and seeing stacks of newpaper from floor to ceiling!

Your gesture was well spirited and I believe that now, you should stop the projects....

They have a right to run their home the way they see fit. If they don't have the common decency to keep a guest room in order for people to visit, then they are not worthy of being visited!!!

I think you have gone above and beyond to help them acommodate your visits!

Perhaps you and the wife outta not visit forawhile, when they bring it up, both of you should sit down with them and tell them what the problem is.

You and your wife should focus more on your lives anyway...
If they want company, they should get off their butts and make the place livable.

it is called common courtesy.

Period.

Answer 5

That is what is called having "no respect for the hard work you put in." You can't change people or their lack of keeping a half way clean house. You have every right to be more then a little irritated. I would stop the project because its obvious they could care less whether their house is a pig st-ye. The bedroom surely had a door, all they had to do is close it. If your wife thinks you should do this, she is not being fair to you. Tell her you have no problem if she wants to go do it. Then when no respect for her hard work is shown, she will understand how you feel.

Answer 6

I would tell them that you will do this if they , the in-laws, pack up every single thing in the house, so you can move around better to do the work. Tell them that every single thing has to be off the floors, so you want slip and fall down. Tell them everything packed, means everything, even all the dishes. I would tell them they should wash them first before packing. tell them the animals have to stay outside, so hairs want get stuck to the brushes etc. They also need to go over all the walls with a cleaner to remove all the stains, so the paint will stick better. This is what they will have to do for you to even think of starting such a huge job. This way, I doubt that you will have to even start the project, because do you really think they are going to clean it after all these years. NO. your off the hook.

Answer 7

the sorrowful actuality is, you will consistently love him. Others could take the front seat on "love", however the affection you carry for him, will consistently be lingering in the process your life interior the back seat. If all you do is argue, it is going to proceed. It would not merely provide up sooner or later. Marriage counceling could help, yet no longer consistently, in case you get a lousey councelor. pass forward with the divorce. If something great happens the place you 2 finally end up getting alongside interior the destiny you are able to consistently start up dateing back and probably sometime re-marry one yet another.

Answer 8

yes you have the right to feel this way !!! but you love your wife and she should step up to the plate and talk with her
parents about your hard work and ask if they appreciate it and if they do to please take care of it because you take pride in your work and afterall you like to admire it and see the results the way you left it, if they dont want you to do the work shame on them. Wish i had a son-in law that would help and do odd jobs May god bless you ..Hope this is some help but God usually leads us to the right thing anyway.

Answer 9

You should never do anything for anyone unless you want to do it. You can't change who they are just be happy you have your own home. If you see they don't take care of their property it might be a waste of your time to continue.

Answer 10

Get a clue. You are wasting your time.