Is this wrong or do I have nothing to worry about?

Question

I am a 42 year old man and I have been dating this 19 year old girl, o yeah she will be 20 this may (not that it makes a huge difference). We have been dating for the past 5 months. She is not your normal 19 year old as I am sure everybody is thinking she is if they have never met her, but she is the total opposite. She is currently in college and wants more than anything to be a wife and mother. I enjoy every moment I get to spend with her, and I love her. She feels the same way for me. I have only met her parents once and I have not introduced her to very many of my friends or coworkers or family. We both want to become more open with others about this but it is more difficult than we both expected. Is this relationship unfair to the both of us or should we ignore what everyone else thinks and follow our hearts? What is your opinion of me in this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated Thanks

Answer 1

Everyone is gonna ALWAYS have something to say whether its negative or positive. I dont think u should care. Follow your hearts. If u really DO love her and vice versa then let it be known. Dont hide your feelings from anyone. It's no one's business regarding the age difference. U two have found something in common and want to share it with each other.

Answer 2

You're in a tough spot. I don't think its wrong at all for the two of you to date. And I don't think it's wrong for you to stay together if you truly do care for each other.

However, at the age of 19...I was positive I'd be married by 21 and have kids at 23. Years later I realize that would have been the biggest mistake of my life...I thought I knew myself at 19, 21, even 23...but I needed to see more and do more, to experience life and all of its foibles before I could understand what I wanted in a mate/life partner.

So my point is that she may be a more level headed 19 year old who is positive right now that you're who she wants, but who's to say when she hits 21, 22, 23 that things won't change. You wouldn't want to be the middle aged guy with the hot young wife who's having an affair with her tennis pro.

If you do decide to continue on, slow down...really get to know each other before committing. Maybe let her finish up college. And go ahead, spend time with your friends and family, see if your relationship can handle the critical light that everyone will cast it in. That will be the true test.

And then, if you both still feel 100% comfortable and want to go forward then I wish you all the best. Alot of times we put limits and guidelines on love but often we just have to trust ourselves but still use wisdom.

HTH!

Answer 3

I am 40 and a woman and my fiance is 23...soon to be 24 not that it matters, ha ha! We are together for over 2 yrs now and are getting married. It was very hard in the beginning months, and after the family intoductions, which we waited on for about 4 months, it was fine. We built up so much anxiety about it and fought about it and it didnt matter because we were accepted by everyone. We care for each other and love each other so much and he is very mature and has is all together. I couldnt ask for a better partner and life companion. I was married before and it was never this perfect. Dont let opinions or anxiety or fears get in your way. Love each other and have your own happy life together. In the end, its only you two that count anyway. Good Luck and I think you will make it!

Answer 4

She is too young to be having this kind of relationship.If you's are finding it hard to tell your friends and family then there is something wrong with it.I know you say she's not your typically 19 year old but come on,if I were her mother I;d be chasing you down.Let her be with kids her own age and see what dating is like.There is 13 year olds on Maury that want kids too gonna go after them.Find someone your own age and let her see what it is like to be dating kids her own age.Your making a child be an adult and that is not fair.When I was 19 I dreamt about that stuff too all girls do,but thankgod I didn't run into a 42 year old sleaze bag to take my childhood away.

Answer 5

please think about how much growing up and changing you have done since you were 20...there is so much to learn, so many lessons and growing opportunities, I am not even close to the person I was when I was 20...
and you love each other now, think about all the changes that take place...if this was the same age difference, but she was atleast 27, I would say go for it!!! no questions asked...
I believe in love, and believe that there is someone out there for all of us...
I just wonder if you are being unfair to her???
Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

Answer 6

I don't understand why everyone is so hung up on age differences!! A hundred years ago the man was usually 20 or more years older than the woman. Who gives a flying f**k what everyone else thinks as long as you love and respect each other. By the way, my bf is 11 years younger than I am and we are very happy and my family loves him because he loves me. Give your friends and family a chance. They may surprise you!

Answer 7

You have a pretty big age gap there. I'm not going to say that your relationship is wrong but I'm also not going to say that your friends or family shouldn't be concerned. They're looking out for you. If you're convinced that you're making the right choices in this relationship, the two of you really need to make an effort to let your friends and family see why you're so great for one another. You need to make your relationship something that you can be open about. If it's really as great of a relationship as you say it is, you should be able to convince your friends and family of that too.

Answer 8

i know many people thinks that age does not matter but it does.u are so much more older and experience than her and no matter how mature she acts,their is still a gap between u too. u may not realise it now but couple year from now it matter.lshe is in college and should be dating college guys.y do u think that u have not introduce her to your family ,friends and co-worker.it is because u know the will tell u the same thing i am telling u and what u already know.

Answer 9

What matters most is that you both love each other.

Your big age difference may come as a shock to others. At some point many will regard you as a "cradle snatcher" while she would be suspected as a hooker or looking for a "sugar daddy" ( if you are rich) or simply looking for a father image in you.

I know of a lot of girls who prefer to date older men like you because they are more mature, more established (in terms of career and in financial aspects) as well as more experience in life and sex. In conclusion, older men has more capacity to satisfy younger women in almost all aspects of their craving that younger men may not be able to offer, such as money, sex, security and emotional stability. This is of course normal, women like to feel secure and pampered. What makes it wrong if they are just after an old man's money

Most older men on the other hand usually would prefer younger women solely for physical attributes, to satisfy their carnal lust or the need to dominate. This of course is normal for men, becasue men are more inclined to physical aspects but having this ALONE as a reason in a relationship is wrong

Whatever reasons you have for chosing each other is yours to examine. Only your motives well justify if your relationship is right or worng. If you love each other as you say, then there is nothing wrong with your relationship even if you are a hundred years older than her.

I've always believed that love is not measured in age or in status que but in how we accept the people that we love for what and who they really are and how you make it work for both of you

But if one or both of you has other ulterior motive other than love, then that's what makes the relationship wrong.

If your intentions are clean, you need not worry and just ignore what poeple has to say. Concenstrate instead of proving them wrong and letting them see your pure intentions. It may take a lot of time and hard work and will not be easy at first but its all worth it for love.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

I'm twenty. There are 42 year olds I'd like to date. Nothing wrong with it.

Edit: Being 19 doesn't make you too immature or 'unready' for marriage. People should not be making assumptions about someone they don't know.

Good luck to you :)