Men and poor hygiene. What to do?

Question

I've been dating a nice guy for a few months. It bothers me that he doesn't wash his hands or shower enough, and his house is gross.
Also, oddly he doesn't seem to know a lot of basic things about women and a lot of society's general things. He's been married twice; how could he not know these things?He has a master's degree.

His apartment was messy,nasty bathroom, but he had a roommate and people say 'Oh, guys bathrooms are like that' so I let it go.
He showers daily,but is often outside at work and dirty.Then comes over, but doesn't shower. I always freshen up before I see him.
I recently saw him not wash his hands after going to the bathroom! Now I don't want him to touch me. I mentioned it, and he does it a bit more, but like it's new to him!

His house-Oh my Gosh! I quietly freaked out.Yeah it's in the country, but 100's of bugs inside, cobwebs, inches of dust and dog hair. White couch gone brown. Toilet, kitchen beyond scary. He's 43. You can't change someone can you?

Would you tell him at each offense, or rather sit down and 'have the talk', or both?
He is such a sweetheart, and would do anything for anyone.

I don't know his ex's, but good idea. If I contacted them, should I tell him? He is friendly with both.

Is it worse to be lazy about cleaning though the dirt bothers you, 'not see' the dirt, or see it but think it's fine?

Answer 1

as sad as it may seem he may have been raised in family with just as poor hygienic practices. you never know but its not about changing this man cause you cant change anyone. you may can teach him a few things. you may even have to teach him every thing! it takes a strong dedicated person to do it. if your really into this guy then help him out. explain to him in a gentle way how much of a turn off it is for him to be that way not only for you but for anyone he comes in contact with. first impressions are huge. hopefully he's a good guy willing to take critizism and change what is not acceptable. if he doesnt listen stop doing things with him that you normally enjoy doing together. if that doesnt do the trick, unless your willing to live with him and his disgusting ways i would be leaving him and the bugs, cobwebs and dirt behind. dont expect a change overnite.

Answer 2

If this became only a case of a guy leaving his dirty socks and previous subject matters of carrying magazines laying round, i could say you had a threat at replacing him. What you describe inspite of the truth it truly is a few distance previous undesirable housework IMO. He could were married two times, yet he became also divorced two times! i'm questioning that he could have some type of psychological ailment that you're literally not attentive to yet and perhaps he's no longer even attentive to it. it may be interesting to hearken to his ex-different halves' aspect of the tale. At any price, it truly is in no way a reliable theory to enter right into a courting with the concept-about replacing the different man or woman ... specially because it rather a lot in no way works.

Answer 3

i had slightly the same problem with an ex of mine. his breath smelled bad alot and i had to tell him about it and he got offended. i wasnt sad that i made him feel bad but he had to know it. plus there are other stuff such as washing his hand too and i tell him i wont have sex with him if he hasnt bathe all day.

the thing is he understood but he tried to make me feel bad by telling me that his ex gfs and other ppl never told him about these stuff and they like him that way. i cudnt believe it but hey he listened to me. tell him about it if it is turning u off or away from him. let him know it is becoming a problem. plus these are lil signs that he is a lazy man if he cant clean up his own house. seems as if he's gonna leave all the work for u to do. becareful with those kind of men. his house and himself speak for each other.

Answer 4

You cant teach an old dog new tricks,,, but you may want to confront him and actually communicate everything you feel... If he loves you he will try to change.. If he doesnt, just dont marry him.. What is is interesting to me.. i am a single kinda messy,,, but if i am going to have visitors especially female,, my apartment will be ...welll less cluttered.. So your guy doesnt even attempt to clean,,, Dont be the Three times a charm wife

Answer 5

Oh my God, Bail out now before it's too late! You will not
be able to change him, he doesn't see the problem, and
if you stay with him you will either end up resenting him
or cleaning up after him constantly and nagging him to
death. Neither one of you will be happy. Let him find
another pig to live with who doesn't mind the mess--those
kinds of people need to stick together!

Answer 6

Yes you can. Try having clean up days with him. Small steps. Every time he comes out he bathroom remind him to wash his hands. It would become a habit until he begin to do it on his own.

Answer 7

it's obvious that you're not the first person to get upset with this, since he's been married twice. if you really feel like this guy is worth the time, tell him that it's really important to you that he starts to develop better habits. if he doesn't listen, move on. chances are since he's 43 he's already accustomed to those habits..but any guy is worth a shot.

Answer 8

These are things his mom should have taught him when he was a child. It's certainly not your job to correct his hygiene at age 43. Find yourself a man who knows how to use a mop.

Answer 9

umm my guy showers2 times a day and wears polo blue it smells amazing and umm just go over there and clean for him i bet he would appreciate it a ton,

Answer 10

LEAVE HIM. YOU CAN DO BETTER. IF YOU'RE CLEAN, FIND YOU A MAN WHO IS CLEAN.