bored with my BF?

Question

i love my guy. we've been together for a few years now. both in our mid 20's. but the problem is from the start i had my doubts about him being right for me. he loves me & is a great person but he's boring. he hates socializing & going out. we never travel. and to top it all off, our sex life is just o.k. he's not adventurous in bed or very sexual. i feel so bad b/c he loves me so much & thinks we'll get married. but i've worked so hard to get him to open up & things barely change. i feel he will never be enough for me & if i stay with him, i'll be settling. does anyone else understand what i'm going thru? i feel so guilty, like i should've let him go from the start instead of trying to change him.

thanks for all the great advice. i know what i have to do.

Answer 1

for years i had the same sort of relationship that you do now. i know how incredibly hard it would be to break it off (i procrastinated for months in breaking up with my bf because i didn't even know how i would possibly do it) but you need to rip the bandage. i have had much more fulfilling experiences since then - i guarantee you that nearly anyone who has been in your shoes at some point can say the same. i know it's easy to be secure and settled - as i said, i did it for years - but five or ten years down the line you'll know it was the right choice. don't end up being bitter towards him in a decade - let yourselves both find the right partner.

Answer 2

Alright, firstly it's always wrong to try to change someone - how would you feel if he tried to change you to become more boring and reserved? It wouldn't be any fun for either of you if one tries to change the other.

If you're the more adventerous one and he is more reserved and you've tried things to get him to be more adventureous and he hasn't been at all - maybe you should ask him if he wants to do anything in particular. Everyone should have some type of fantasy, whether it be sexual or not. Maybe you could try getting into his interests and having him slowly ease in to yours?

It's not something that is easy to do and it requires both patience on your part and a willingness to learn on his part. But if he doesn't have the willingness to learn and you don't like him the way he is maybe he is better off as just a friend to you. Or maybe you both just need some time to sit down and talk to one another openly about where you think you're going and if you're on the same page in the relationship.

~- Hope this helps.

Answer 3

First of all, NEVER try to change someone. You're still young so don't worry you will find someone who's your speed. I was once feeling like this also.

Me and my ex were together for 5 years. We loved each other, went out, etc but our sex life was super boring and to top that off he couldn't last no longer than about 5 minutes at the most. Girl, now that we aren't together anymore and I'm with someone else, I've had the best sex of my life. It kinda surprised me because I was expecting what I was getting for 5 years from my ex.

I'm not telling you to break up with him and sleep around. All I'm saying is just be patient. Because if he's not meant for you, it won't be. Trust me!

Answer 4

When it comes to marriage why settle... ODDs of divorce are higher if you just settle... Someday down the road you will be in the grind of your relationship, you may what to cheat.. and then eventually you do cheat. then your wondering why you were even married.. But if you really love him you should confront him tactfully...and ask him about being more adventurous. If he doesnt want to work it out? then maybe you two arent right... I would think that the fact you are doubting him now may be a good sign to "Pull chocks" and leave... How much will you be doubting yourself after 5 or five years of marriage?

Forever until death do us part is a long time

Answer 5

i actually understand what you're saying really well.Completetlyyyyyyy But one thing i want to tell you if he has so many good sides is it worth giving up all the good ones for a few bad ones?!? You can really do your part to spice up the sex life, you should organize the going out and planning the travels, he probably doesn't know what to plan or do which is most cases for men!! Take the initiative, BUT i will say if you feel like you don't want to make the effort maybe it's not what you're looking for. And if you don't completely love him you should end it. Good luck..but just remember the good ones are really limited out there...he might be a bit boring but if he's committed, he loves you soo much, a good guy, good family..it's worth it

Answer 6

I understand. You have to do what's right for you. You can't live your life for anyone else, in other words don't stay just b/c he loves you. Find someone that will make you happy and that you can be excited about spending the rest of your life with. Let him down gently though. As Elvis would say "Don't Be Cruel" lol

Answer 7

sounds like you are already gone and he probably senses it. If you really care for him, try wearing sexy stuff to close off his shyness.
Personally, I hate socializing and going out. But maybe with him, he doesn't like the people you socialize with when you go out. Meet different people or go to different places.

Answer 8

get a new one. or two.....