I have an alcolholic father who is down to nothing. I live closest to him and my sisters tell me i should check on him and help him. I decided i could not. I have a family of my own. To add to things i emailed my sisters this heart felt message reveiling my own secret. I told them i joined AA because i could not deal with dad. And that i am an alcoholic. I also added i could not check on dad cuz that would be to hard. I quit drinking and can not deal with him. I was very open with both of them. So i figured by this evening they would have both emailed me back. One did she forwarded me some stuff. NO MENTION to what i wrote earlier this morning.
I want to know now how to deal with people who dont beleive in being open and talking about alcoholism.
My mom divorced my dad over this. She did not want her girls to grow up that way. So i now have my dads problem and i saw my moms light. What is wrong with this family. These sisters of mine.
I want to cry cuz they just dont get it.
2007-03-07 11:09:22 · 5 answers · asked by hascht2 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your problem is way bigger than just alcoholism, you're taking the traits of your dad, I don't believe that's your fault you just picked up his actions. I think you should talk to someone like a psychiatrist and maybe they could help you. Maybe you and your dad should attend together or even attend AA together.
2007-03-07 11:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by diamondz_a_mill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's up with thinking they should get back to you so fast? You've been dealing with the knowledge that you're an alcoholic long enough that you're in AA. (And it sounds like you're on the right road to sobriety from the little you posted which deserves major congratulations.)
But your sisters just heard this in an e-mail this morning. Being you sent e-mail you don't know exactly when it was or will be read. Even if your sister forwarded you stuff it's possible that she did that before she read her mail or that the forward she sent was in her messages just before yours. It's also possible that until they process the information for a bit their only possible e-mail about it would be "Oh....".
All I'm saying is give them some time to come to terms with this. If they start e-mailing you with pressure to stay on top of your dad and still don't recognize that you're struggling too then you can be hurt or pissed at them.
2007-03-08 12:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a member of a family is an alcoholic, your dad in your case, your whole family runs the risk of becoming enmeshed with one another. I call it "the dance of alcohol." It involves family secrets, denial, pretense, covering for one another, low self esteem, lots of chaos and a host of other dysfunctional behavior.
Your sisters won't get it before they are ready. Right now they seem to denying there's a problem or pretending it doesn't exist by not talking about it.
The best thing you can do is get whatever help you need to heal yourself--AA, Al-Anon, ACOA, your religious teacher, a psychologist, good friends, etc. Just love your sisters and let the way you live your life be a good example to them. Don't give up on them, but be very patient. It could take years. They will talk with you when they are ready, not a minute before.
Above all, take care of yourself.
Neill
2007-03-07 21:53:24 · answer #3 · answered by neill.neill 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I don't know if you are in AA, but even if you are you could benefit from Al-Anon a group similar to AA and based on the same principals to help families and friends of alcoholics. It would help you to deal with how your relatives are behaving and give you a new look at how to take care of yourself and not feel as pressured to fix other people. You can only take care of yourself. You will learn in Al-Anon that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it....and that applies to all kinds of things besides alcoholism and alcoholics....including your other relatives. You only have power over yourself. Al-Anon has helped bridge many gaps between me and my Alcoholic and non alcoholic relatives and friends. It gave me my life back. It helped me to learn to focus on myself and what I CAN change...ME. My relationships benefit for it, and I live by example and through maybe just osmosis, others pick up those positive qualities through me...sometimes others see what you have and want it to, sometimes not, but if one person is health its a heck of a lot better than no one.
2007-03-11 18:16:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They don't have to get it. YOU DO. Are you in AA? If so, go to a meeting ASAP and talk about this, or call your sponsor.
2007-03-07 20:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋