Anyone have any advice for me? :O(?

Question

So my mother and I had an argument and after we did she's basically done everything BUT disown me [really].

Now, I feel like I’m not wanted in my own home. A few months back my cousin moved in with us, [he's 29, living rent-free, doesn't pay any bills, has my mom waiting on him hand and foot, something even I don't do, she doesn't even do the things she does for my cousin FOR my dad! am I missing something here?] and ever since he moved in things haven't been the same around here. He's always sucking up to her and putting her against my dad and me, and the funny thing is that he always succeeds. So now, I find myself alone and a bit hurt, she's been sayings things about me to my dad, and every time I walk into a room she walks out [and so does Mr. Freeloader right along with her]. I try to talk to her but she basically ignores my every word, it’s like I’m invisible to her!

Now I try to play it off as if it doesn't bother me none, but in all reality it's killing me inside...

I really don't know how to go about it anymore, it's as if I’m walking on eggshells here.

She even went as far as to stop paying for my education. I have a job now in order to pay for it myself, but it hurts that she turned her back one me the way she did.

What can I do, I feel like I’m sort of slipping into a depression, and it's something I don't want to happen...

You guys have any advice for me? :O(

Answer 1

Karma, this does indeed seem to be a rather strange alliance, that of your cousin and your mother. The bond between a mother and daughter is usually a very strong one, so, something seems to be amiss. Your father seems to have buckled under, to allow your mother to move in someone who is obviously unwilling to care for, and, fend for himself. The one who needs to get a grip on the situation is your father. It is his place to be the provider/protector for the family, and, stave off the intruders that would destroy the tranquility of the home. First, he needs to address the situation with your mother, and, put a halt to the freeloading cousin's presence in his home. If he is going to disrupt things, let him do it elsewhere. Second, your mother is not responsible for the care and welfare of someone else's child, and, at 29, he is no longer a child. Therefore she should stop treating him as such. Her responsibility is to her husband and her children, and, not to someone who is seeking to destroy the family unity. For you, I truly sympathize, and, hope that you have the strength to endure. But, it seems as though you are being forced to be the only responsible person involved in this situation. That seems to be evidenced in the development regarding her assisting you in your education. Since you are paying for your education, I am assuming that you are a college student. I don't know your age, or, the level of your education at this point, but, you might consider rooming with a co-worker, fellow student or reside in the dormitory. Sometimes the dynamics of a home change, and, for you it has unfortunately changed for the worse. Other than simply stating your case, and, suggesting that you address this puzzling situation as a family, there seems to be little that you can do. If you are a full time student, and, a part-time employee, you might consider reversing the order. Check with your student counselor and explore any avenues available to you. And, most importantly, I would suggest that you obtain the services of a competent counselor, to help you deal with this situation. Feel free to contact me, if I can help you further.

Good luck, and God Bless!

Answer 2

Without knowing what the argument was about that started all of this between you and your mother, it's hard to advise you on how to approach her. However, approach her you must. Regardless of your failed attempts in the past, you need to call a "house meeting" and get to the bottom of this. ALL NEED TO BE PRESENT - that way if your cousin is lying about something to your mother, he'll have no way out.

Before hand, you need to WRITE DOWN what it is you want to discuss and any points you want to make. That way you won't be distracted by any hurtful or side-bar comments your cousin and/or mother may say (and believe me, he will definitely want to keep you off track and rile you up so you become emotional and off point - i guarantee it). He will try to be divisive, so watch out. I suspect your father will not be a willing participant, and may offer you absolutley no help at all. Prepare for this.

Regardless of the outcome, it does sound like you need to take control of the only thing you truly do have control of in this situation - and that's yourself. It's time to move out - start looking for a roommate and get your own place. Not only will continuing to live in this situation harm your relationship with your parents further, it will scar you emotionally. Remove yourself from this unsupportive situation and stand on your own two feet.

Your parents will respect you for it, and in the end you will respect yourself as well.

Good luck, and remember everyone makes mistakes - your mother will eventually come to her senses.

Answer 3

Karma,

Though your cousin seems incapable of self-support and I question his integrity, he seems to have a knack for politicking. It proves that time and again, if one knows how to 'stroke' (not physically...I doubt that's happening in this instance) people properly, the list of things UNattainable is a short one.

Perhaps there are things to make your parents aware of exactly what's happening. An objective point of view helps. I don't know if you have the hardware...a video recording of household goings-on in a 24-hour time period may give your parents some insight. Instead of showing this to your mother initially, I would sit down with your father and show him what's been happening. It seems out of both parents, he would be most objective.

Other than that, the only thing I can suggest that would have any impact would be to move...but to do so while spouting bitter words may have a negative effect.

You are in a tough situation. I wish I had better suggestions.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry! I can tell you are really upset and you should be. I don't know your mom but have you tried telling her how you feel? or even maybe your dad? Is their anyone else you can talk to that knows your family and can help be the mediator? If not, and there is no way to change, maybe you should consider telling your mom you are moving out for a while. I'm sure you're mom loves you very much and would hate to see you move out. Take care and I'm sure things will get better.

Answer 5

Move out if you can afford your own place , heck even get a room mate. your cousin seems like he just stepped of the jerry springer show.... Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you don't need all that drama in your life. Move on with your own .. good luck

Answer 6

1. What does your Dad say. He is probably your best shot at fixing everything.
If you have any other relatives around you and your dad is no help, try moving in with them if they will have you.
If your parents give you any flack about it, simply say "your cousin did it" and you treat him/her more than their child anyway.

Guilt usually works if your parents give a c**p......

Answer 7

I think you should just talk this out with your mother. Just tell her how u feel.
May be your cousin is paying and your mom does not want to tell anyone.

Answer 8

Get your dad to talk to her, what is he doing whilst all this is happening??

Answer 9

maybe there is something about ur cousin that u dont no about?!?!?!?!?