When to have children?

Question

I'm 26. Married for 4 years. Sometimes I want children. Sometimes I really don't. I've read before it's a misconception that people are happier after having children. In fact, marrital satisfaction goes down after having kids and goes back up again after kids move out. My parents are getting older though, and I figure eventually we'll have kids anyway--- and I want my kids to know their grandparents. But sometimes, when I'm watching other people's children, I find them annoying and gross. Gross to wipe their noses. Annoying when they don't do what I tell them to do. Wouldn't it be different if they were my own kids?

Answer 1

yes kids can be gross and annoying. but like others have said, when its your kids its a whole different story. marriage satisfaction didn't go down for my husdabd and I, granted we don't go out on dates or have sex as much as we used to - but we have this unbreakable bond between us. I think it has brought us closer together - and really made us more mature. instead of think about "me" all the time, we now think about whats best for the family. i suggest you have kids whenever you and your husband are ready .. don't rush it .. but don't wait too long. i hope this helps.

Answer 2

First, you will invariably hear the advice that you should have children when you are financially stable. Exactly when is that ? When you are mature enough ? Again, when is that ?

But if you are worried about just wiping noses then have your tubes tied and never have kids! There are too many other things that are much grosser and downright disgusting than just wiping a nose! Too many to list here! You are powerless to these events. They will happen. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.

Your second dilemma, annoying kids, is under your absolute power. Children learn at a very young age how far they can push you. As a teacher and a parent , a teacher first, I learned to instruct my children at a very early age. Your instruction is key.

Thirdly, you and your husband have to find the time to be with your children. Rearing children is a full-time job. A commitment to them comes first. It is not secondary to your careers or anything else for that matter. Ask yourself do you want to advance in your chosen profession ? If you do you might want to wait.

Lastly, never have children because of family pressure. Make sure you and your husband are absolutely ready. The commitment is gigantic but the payoff is 10 times as big!

With that said, children are awesome! I currently have 2 and we are awaiting our third this September!

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 3

I'm 24 and have a 3 year old and an 11 month old. My husband and I have never been happier and our marital satisfaction is very good. We love being parents but I don't think it's for everyone. It's not something to be wishy-washy about. Once you have a baby you can't give it back even if you think the baby is annoying or gross. I think the question for you is IF you want to have children and then once you decide that you can get the the question of when to have them.

Answer 4

I think that the fact that you actually take all of those feelings into consideration is actually a sign of being ready...at least mature enough. Most people don't think of it like that. In fact, most people don't give any thought to having children, they just do it. Because you are concerned about it when you do decide to have kids it will be the right time. Don't rush into it. It is a lot of work. And don't worry so much about being grossed out and annoyed. Yeah, it's going ot happen. I have a 5 year old daughter and sometimes she does gross me out and she can be very frustrating sometimes too. I can say, that she doesn't do it nearly as much as other kids do. It is different when it's your own. You're much more accepting of them when they are your own.

Answer 5

If you are not sure then you shouldn't have any kids right now. Seee when your having to ask if you should you are either not ready or not 100% sure about having a kid.
Do you think it is so gross when you wipe your nose? Maybe you are just not the mothering type which is fine too.
Don't have kids just because your parents are getting older, that is not a good reason.

A child will not make a couple happy if they were not happy before the child came along.

It is up to you if you want to or not. No one can tell you what to do. You still have plenty of time to make up your mind though about it.

Answer 6

I think that when you have your own children I think you have more tolerance for them thier other children. You can teach them not to do the things that gross you out. Also, they often listen more to thier own parents. (espically if you make it a point that if they don't they are in TROUBLE).
If you think that you will have children and want them to know thier grandparents it would be good to stsrt sooner than later.
when you feel like you don't want children what is going on around you? Are there annoying children around you? Do you have a headache? Things like that can affect your judgement.
Marraige satisfication does not always go down when you have children. It came remain the same or even go up. It all depends on how you and your husband relate, how you relate with the children, the way you want to raise the children and the way the wants to, etc.

Answer 7

I am 25 with a 5 year old and a 3 year old and I love them to bits but honestly I still don't like other peoples kids. I know exactly what you mean but it is different with your own trust me.
I think if you have a choice you should def have kids when you are younger, I wouldn't have it any other way. - But be aware that your life will change so be prepared and accept that fact.
I am sure you will make the right choice for you.

Answer 8

yes , it will be different when they are your own, the poop and snot will no longer bother you when it's from your own. it will still disgust you from others children. some kids are nice and tame, some are helluns, my boys are all 3 good kids, they don't give me or anyone else a minute of grief. if they did think they wanted to act up, I give them that look and it's all over. I don't scream or yell at my kids, kids want to please their parents and if you remember that, they will be a blessing. I talk calmly and in control and they respond in like manner. they aren't afraid to tell me anything for fear I will get mad. they are sure I won't. I respect them and they respect me. that all goes to hell in a handbasket when they get old enough for sex and a g/f-b/f. they know everything and listen to nothing. but eventually the hormones calm down and the get some sense back. in other words, don't live your life as a reflection of others, you will do things differently. I have an older sister who has no kids and she wish she had of. don't do that to yourself, it's mental anguish. have a couple of pups when you are young so they are grown when you are tired.
you will manage and rise to the occassion.

Answer 9

Hun. Talk this over with your husband as well. See what his thoughts are. Being a parent is huge responsibility from finances to time mangement. 26 is still pretty young you have a few more years to think about it. But make no mistake about, the older you get the harder it will be physically. The biological clock does not tick forever for women.

Answer 10

Well, I've always wanted people to think of it this way. A kid is a life-long pet. And soon it turns into something sentient. The money thing plays its part but thats not the most important or only issue. Treat the life with respect and majesty and it won't make as much mess is my thing. Bye.