we both work full time and split all the bills equal 50/50.we live in a condo complex that does all the "outdoor work" for us(mowing,repairs ect)plus they will fix anything that goes wrong inside too.my bf would never think to wash his own clothes and will complain when something he wants is dirty rather than just wash it himself.trying to get him to help get groceries will almost allways end in a fight.on the weekend he gets to go play golf,play with his son ect as our complex does all the "mens work".yes i have tryed to ask for help but he allways has an excuse i'm tired,i'll do it later,ect and it never gets done.what can i do i feel like i spend all my free time cleaning up after both of us.
2007-03-07 10:36:23 · 18 answers · asked by jennymartin67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If asking the man who said he would share his life with you to help out with housework leads to him fighting with you then why on earth would you want to be with him?
If he hasn't married you after 5 years of being engaged and he doesn't feel you are worthy of his menial help putting the laundry away then why are you still with this loser?
This is not a man you are describing but a spoiled mama's boy.
Get out of this pointless borderline abusive relationship now!
2007-03-07 10:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by Lee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's been your fiancee for 5 years and still isn't helping around the house, it's pretty much a lost cause. And why should he? He's got you convinced that you should be doing it all. He's got a pretty good thing going here - he gets to go and do whatever he wants, and you're stuck doing all the work. Do the two of you ever spend time together; do you ever go out and do things together, just the two of you? If not, then (I'm sorry to say, and I don't want to hurt your feelings), you are not much more than a maid to him and he is definitely taking advantage of you with no respect for your feelings. I mean, he has you to clean house for him, do his laundry, do his grocery shopping, cook his meals, clean up after him, pay half of his bills, and do whatever else that needs to be done around the house. What kind of a relationship is that, and just exactly what are you getting out of this relationship? If you end of marrying him (which incidentally, sounds to me like he is putting off if you have been engaged 5 years), it will only get worse. Is this really the kind of life you want for yourself? Wouldn't you much rather have someone in your life that is willing to be an equal partner? You deserve so much more, please don't settle for this. And if you do decide to settle for this one-sided relationship, hire a maid and tell him he is responsible for paying for half! Best of luck to you.
2007-03-07 18:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you get treated the way you let people treat you. You have allowed bad habits to take hold and you are not gonna change anything without a fight. leave his share of the work undone. Leave his clothes dirty and tell him that he needs to share half the chores because you are not gonna do it all alone anymore and then do not do it. Let his clothes pile up dump them in his closet. wash the dishes and then tellhim it is his turn when he does nto do them leave them in the sink and get some paper plates. when he complaines tell him that since he did not wash the dishes when it was his turn, there are no dishes and he will eat off paper unitl there are clean dishes and you are not going to do it until he takes his turn. Get the picture.
One more thing you live with him and have been engaged for 5 years. And you still think this guy is gonna marry you? Dream On or Wake Up.
2007-03-07 18:52:06 · answer #3 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's scary If he has it in his head that there is "men's work" and "women's work." Personally, I could never consider living with someone with that philosophy, let alone marrying him. I'd come out and tell him you won't be doing his laundry anymore. Or his dishes. Or picking up after him. If you've been cooking him dinner, stop. Just cook enough for yourself. I'd also stop fighting. Just calmly make it clear that you will NOT be entering into an arrangement where there's a distinction between men's work and women's, and that you expect your partner to take an equal share in whatever chores need to be done. If he won't come around, I think you're going to have to cut him loose. He sounds like a whiny little baby, and you know how kids act. If you give into his fit and let him have his way, he'll be trying that all though your marriage.
2007-03-07 19:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by M L 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi the best thing to do iis you do your cleaning and he does his if he gets in a stropp when you ask him to help out, either way you are going to start a fight asking him to do it or if you dont do it so what I suggest is you leave all his washing and cleaning and do you own, when he comes in a starts to complain juts tell him you are sick of telling him an taking you for a mug and from now on unless he helps you out with what you want him to then you dont do anything for him. You both work long hours and you do his cleaning as well as yours and all the housework. He will soon get tired of having no clothes to wear, Do not give in to him until he shows he is willing, or you will just get in a routine and do it for him all the time.Just tell him its unfair for you to f off and play golf and leave me to wash your clothes. So what I would do is do my cleaning and then when he gets in tell him your going out with you rmates as your house work is done and his is all left for him to do., Dont be walked over its 2007 for god sake
2007-03-07 18:48:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sweetheart, if you think getting married is going to make him start picking up after himself then GUESS AGAIN! As for your question of wanting him to help around the house WITHOUT starting a fight? Good luck with that! That's like asking a 200lb 9th grader to jump off the diving board without making a giant splash! You WILL get in argument over it! Guaranteed! So be prepared to have a response to all of his ridiculous excuses!
2007-03-07 19:07:17 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why didnt u start this 5 years ago? But i agree with everyone else stop doinging his laundry and just tidy the rest of the house so it doesnt bother you. Leaving everything will not work as his hasnt had to do anything. short of that break a leg!
2007-03-07 18:55:00 · answer #7 · answered by linda78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) Stop doing his laundry, shopping for him, etc. Do only your own. The first time he runs out of underwear, gets hungry, etc., he'll figure it out.
2) Hire a maid and split it 50/50. When he asks why, tell him you're tired of doing the work of 2 AND working full time.
Good luck with this one.
2007-03-07 22:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by stseukn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to stop this NOW...or you will find that it just gets worse if you get married. You are his fiancee not his mother or his slave. Stop doing his washing, ironing and generally cleaning up after him....if he complains then turn his own excuses back on him. If he is not prepared to change then maybe you should be looking elsewhere for a life partner.....seriously!
2007-03-07 18:48:52 · answer #9 · answered by sarch_uk 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When he has a "project" like washing the car, etc. help him and when the job is through and he is appreciative, then bring it up that it is better on both of you to have teamwork.
Team work makes a marriage work.
2007-03-07 18:46:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋