I've been with my fiancee for almost 2 years now, but as the wedding draws nearer and things are starting to be organised, I'm realising that my feelings have changed and I don't want this anymore. I'm desperate not to her hurt her, but I need some advice on this. Any suggestions?
2007-03-07 10:35:46 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Oh gosh that it difficult.... but it has to be done.!
Make sure you are making the right decision and have fully thought it through. Because I doubt that you will be accepted back into her and her families life, if you later realise that you made a mistake...! Consider whether it is the relationship OR the marriage you don't want...
If it is the relationship - you will have just speak to her about how your feelings have changed, and you no long see a future with her... its going to be tough... especially as an engaged girl myself, but I'd prefer to know soon rather than later.
If it is the marriage - speak to her about your issues and worries about getting married, and that you may prefer to leave the marriage and wedding, to a later date possibly, as you need to think things through. Perhaps speak to a friend in a long term relationship or married or your father...
Good luck, hope you make the right decision for yourself!x
2007-03-07 17:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never going to be easy full stop. I do commend you though for coming clean and to be perfectly honest, if you are absolutely sure shes not 'the one' (ie, it's not just pre-wedding nerves), then tell her immediately. It won't be easy but the sooner the better especially as you are in the middle of actually planning the wedding. Stop this now before you get in to deep and before her parents/your parents whoever is paying for this stuff and investing their time. I would suggest that you simply sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel calmly and firmly. There will be tears and it will break your heart also to see her like that but you need to hold your nerve and remain calm. Also know what your plans are immediately after, ie if you're currently living together make sure you have made arrangements to remove yourself quickly etc etc. Don't let it drag on for both your sakes.
2007-03-07 10:48:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her right NOW. You're going to hurt her, there's absolutely no avoiding that. But you will hurt her more if you continue on with the motions and more planning goes into this wedding. She's going to be hurt, that's part of a relationship.
Sit her down, tell her that your feelings have changed. Apologize.
Have you tried counseling? Maybe you're just nervous about the wedding?
In any event, you need to get it over ASAP.
2007-03-07 10:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well honey, either way you're going to hurt her. She was planning on marrying the man of her dreams - she'll probably be thinking, 'but I thought I knew him'...I mean, two years is a long time! How did you not realise your feelings had changed until just now? Do you not talk to your fianceé?
Good luck...just say exactly what you feel....and just because you don't want to get married at the moment doesn't mean you never will want to...if you still love her and want to be with her, you can still postpone the wedding! It doesn't mean you have to dump her...
2007-03-07 21:38:00 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs Stevo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
However you deal with this someone is gonna get hurt and theres gonna be alot of screaming and carry on.
Perhaps you could first write a letter put as nicely as possible to her close family i-e mum dad, then i would pop them in the post box but make sure you tell you fiancee before they others receive there letter this would show that you have the decency to tell them even if not face to face and you could explain that its just to painful to see them face to face at the mo.
As far as your fiancee goes the only thing you can do is explain to her that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and that as much that you care for her it woudnt be fair on either of you to carry through the wedding as it would only end in divorce.
good luck to you
2007-03-07 13:28:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You might sit down and tell her how you feel. If you do it sooner than later it will be easier. A postponement is not out of the question. Cold feet is not uncommon. The best thing is to let her know before everyone else does.
2007-03-07 10:51:08 · answer #6 · answered by patricia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her and NOW. Its unfair of you to sit around trying to sort out your feelings while letting her go on with wedding plans unaware of how your are feeling. Sit down at the kitchen table with the TV OFF and tell her how you are feeling. It could just be jitters or it could be more, but you need to talk to her tonight and work things out together. If it ends, it ends, but at least you will have been up front with her and not have led her on.
Good luck.
2007-03-07 10:42:43 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have gone past the point of no return, the sooner the better! For god sake, don't let the wedding go ahead if your feelings are wavering, as you will only both end up very hurt.
2007-03-07 10:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by brianjameskelly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must tell her now the longer you leave and the closer you get to the wedding day the worse its all going to be. If you really don't want to hurt her any more than necessary than end it now.
2007-03-10 02:15:13 · answer #9 · answered by mumof3! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure it's not just cold feeT? Or has someone come into the picture and the temptation of other women is getting to you? There's no possible way of telling her this and not hurting her. Just tell her and face the consequences. SHE WILL BE HURT NO MATTER WHAT. But honesty is the best policy...Good luck..
2007-03-07 10:43:25 · answer #10 · answered by Future Mrs. Hamlet 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋