we both work full time and split all the bills equal 50/50.we live in a condo complex that does all the "outdoor work" for us(mowing,repairs ect)plus they will fix anything that goes wrong inside too.my bf would never think to wash his own clothes and will complain when something he wants is dirty rather than just wash it himself.trying to get him to help get groceries will almost allways end in a fight.on the weekend he gets to go play golf,play with his son ect as our complex does all the "mens work".yes i have tryed to ask for help but he allways has an excuse i'm tired,i'll do it later,ect and it never gets done.what can i do i feel like i spend all my free time cleaning up after both of us.
2007-03-07 10:34:07 · 9 answers · asked by jennymartin67 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you haven't by now, you never will.
Fact is it is wrong for you to try to change your man. You are suppose to love him for who he is, not what you can try to make him. The best you can do is get him to change for a little while, but he will change back. At that point you will be mad at him, when you should be mad at yourself.
2007-03-07 10:37:58 · answer #1 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if you can do it without a fight. If you've been with this man 5 years and he's never helped out it's going to be a change for him to make. So help him make it. Have a discussion with him about it before you need something done. It will feel like nagging to him if you ask him to do laundry or something and then when he doesn't you want to talk about it.
The other problem is you have to hold him accountable, if he knows if he complains enough or waits long enough you'll do it. If he wants clean clothes he'll wash them. If he doesn't then let them sit in the laundry until he's out of clothes. If he doesn't help with the dinner dishes then don't make dinner. Are you getting my point?
You can also explain to him that you're also tired and you want to relax and while you don't necessarily want to go play golf on the weekend’s maybe you'd like to get a massage or go to the movies with your girlfriends.
This doesn't work for all guys but maybe a list of shared responsibilities would help him have a specific task to resolve. If you tell him you just want help around the house and he doesn't know what you want that could be a problem. Tell him specifically you want him to wash his clothes, sweep the living room and hallway and to make dinner 3 nights a week, etc.
You can explain to him that while it may not be important to him to take out the trash right away that it's important to you. If he loves you and wants you to be happy that should be important to him.
Lastly take a look at a book called "The Five Love Languages"
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
The author even explains about house work specifically vacuuming. He hates it and his wife knows that so when he does it she knows that it was done for 1 reason and 1 reason alone, it's one way for him to show her how much he loves her.
2007-03-07 18:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you, but there really is nothing you can do other than to stop doing his clothes for him and cook only for yourself. I made the mistake of marrying a man like that, and the situation never changed, it only led to fights when he complained about not having clean clothes, or why can't I fix him something to eat too? (And no, he would never help with the dishes either.) He got to the point where he would not even take out the garbage. So it only gets worse. Get out now, or face a lifetime as his slave. (And just think if you have kids, how much worse it will be then with all the extra work with the child.)
2007-03-07 18:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by innocence faded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will first try the nice way like honey why don't help do this or that say it with a sweet kind of tone if he says later give him a few minutes not a lot though and ask him again don't raise your voice or nothing like that or you will start the fight and he will use that excuse not do what you ask him to do that usually works if not do it the hard way wait until he ask you for something and you tell him later and on his clothes don;t do them if he wantsa dirty house give him a dirty house sooner or later he will try to ask you to do it and thats when you tell him that everything is 50 -50 and that you wont do nothing unless he shares the choirs maybe write choir timer on the fridge but don't ever get upset or raise your voice couse thats a win for him
2007-03-07 18:49:30 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad person because you want your finance to help you around the house. Sure, you are to love a person for who they are, but that does not make it acceptable for him to make you do all the work. Him being too tired is not a valid excuse, especially on weekends when he gets to do what he wants. I would suggest perhaps sitting down and talking with him and make him realize that you think its unfair for you to literally do all of the work. Maybe stop doing the laundry for him? To the point where he will have to do his own? Relationships are mutual, not one sided. A lot of relationships fail because of this. If you want to prevent a break-up for a divorce later down the line, try to mend the situation now. Arguments will probably occur if you take my advice, but its the best I can give. I hope the best of luck for you.
2007-03-07 18:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you're not married yet. Doesn't sound to me like "everything's 50/50", because that would include the stuff you DON'T like to do. You can't and shouldn't try to change him. Either you have to decide this is a deal breaker or not. I would think that calmly explaining that you need to share these tasks is reasonable, if you did that and it hasn't worked, you have to make a decision....are you really happy?
2007-03-07 18:41:50 · answer #6 · answered by momof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not certain about that, but something sent up some red flags here.
Fiance for 5 years? You have been engaged to this guy for 5 years and he hasnt married you yet?
I hate to say it, but if he hasnt married you after 5 years of engagement, hes not gonna marry you at all.
Sounds like you are being played.
2007-03-07 18:38:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quit doing his laundry fixing his meals ECT.He needs to help since you both work.You do your part he should do his part.Men are just helpless overgrown little boys.Dont ever forget that
2007-03-07 18:38:55 · answer #8 · answered by toomuchpain 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beat him with a belt.
2007-03-07 19:17:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋