from a family of five do i forgive my father for beating my mother when we were young i now have my own?

Answer 1

No, is your poor mother still being beaten.
Thing to remember is it was not your fault.

Answer 2

Although of course beating a woman is not acceptable, things were different at the time when your parents were young, domestic violence was not considered as it is today. Parents regularly smacked their children and it was totally acceptable. Society today is very different. My Aunt who is 60 is now absolutely horrified at how she used to belt her kids, but it was the done thing in those days. Yes that is different from a man hitting a woman, but in order for you to move on, you need to try and see it from some kind of wider perspective. Perhaps your father was brought up with voilence as a normal part of life. How did his parents treat him? How does he feel about his past behaviour now? Was he very young when he was married and how did 5 children affect him? Remember there was not the support in those days that there is today, and a man with 5 kids and a wife feeling desparate and under huge pressure (were they under financial strain too?) may just snap, especially if that was what he was brought up with. Maybe he knew no other way of exercising his frustrations and felt a failure so by hitting your mother he regained some kind of "power". He obviously didnt hit any of you kids, perhaps he thought what he was doing was acceptable. It would be good if you are able to talk to him. If not, and if he has not shown this voilent side for many years, then try and forgive him, I am sure he suffers inside with guilt.

Answer 3

One thing dont let history repeat it's self and helps maybe to confront those feelins tell ur dad about those feelins ur an adult now let him know. my mother was an alcoholic i needed counciling had to bring up two sisters after she drove my dad from our home saw her try to kill herself all sorts when confronted she denied many things all i needed was for her to say sorry u r stonger now and bigger have it out with him tell him how u felt , what u heard and how u probably cried cause u felt so helpless , u r the one that wont sleep u was a scared child he is now an older or old man let the tables turn i dont mean beat him just let him know what u went through. He should have been taking care of his family tell him as an adult now u cant understand why he did what he did let him try to explain he can't. how much of his behaviour ruined ur childhood more than u think ? ur poor mum violence is never earnt it's just well it is what it is ? uneccessary. An apology might make a person forgive or an explanation but u will never forget.

Answer 4

It's incredibly easy for some to sit here and tell you to ''forgive and forget'' - as if it is that simple a matter. Sheesh.

I saw my father do some hideous things to my mother and personally, it took me a long time to come to terms with it. That was 20 years ago and it all came out in memories when he died a few years back... what a nightmare.

You know that song by Mike and the Mechanics, 'The Living Years'? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpDUFpyB-XI That says it all. http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/mike+&+the+mechanics/the+living+years_20093565.html

I would say that although it isn't a case of ''forgive and forget'' with something as serious as this, it might help you in future to somehow work through it with your dad. Mine could never acknowledge his vile behaviour which made it 10 times worse.

I hope you find a way to find peace.

Answer 5

No one can ever comment on what goes on between two people. You may have your opinions about it, but that is your father and mother's issue. Work on you and the issues that that may have given you. Make it about you. I was told at a young age do not get in the middle of a married couple no matter the relation to them>

Answer 6

I was beaten by my ex and my adult children do talk to him only they will never forget, when I first left one day talking to my son about something I couldn't afford I said i was sorry for leaving his dad as I walked away from everything from a nice house to a grotty one, he looked at me and said that I should have done it years ago, I was a little shocked because I stayed for the sake of the children and he was 17 at the time he is 28 now with children of his own and he is a good father unlike his own, so you must decided how you really feel. Mine will never ever forget.

Answer 7

i went through that as a child,it didnt stop there though,for years i put up with his manipulation,threats,put downs and a lot more.
i cant say i hate him but i really do pity him.i've realised that he's the one missing out,and that i dont have to put up with this anymore.i haven't spoke to him in just over a year and feel relief,that he's stopped hurting me and my family.i dont really forgive him and i''ll never forget.
by you asking that question i'm guessin u cant forgive either,cos if u could then u wouldn't be asking.concentrate on being a better person than he was.learn from it.
xxx

Answer 8

Some things are unforgivable. This is one of them. Batterers do not deserve forgiveness--so many of them don't even want help to change anyway; it's always someone else's fault, never theirs.

However, you have to be able to come to terms with it for your own health and well-being. Also, you want to ensure that the cycle does not repeat itself in any way, shape or form.

Answer 9

i suppose it depends on wether your fathers genuinely sorry for what he did and wether he got any counselling or apologised to your mother, forgiveness is a good thing and makes you a better person but betrayal by a parent is the hardest thing to do, by forgiving one you think your letting down the abused, its a tough one but only you can make the decision. good luck

Answer 10

you could try to forgive,but you won't be able to forget what that weak man, and that is what he is,done to your poor mother.As long as it hasn't coloured your life too much,you know that its not the way to be in life and hopefully history won't repeat it self.When you are bought up watching that happen within the security of your own four walls some people think its normal to act like it because that's all they have ever known.Hope he never set about you poor kids.

Answer 11

I would say that you should forgive him, for your own piece of mind. But do not be so quick to forget, especially when it comes to your children. Let him show that he can be trusted with them before you do that.