Need some advice? Okay here it is. My sister is 18, her boyfriend is 20. They have been together for 4 years.?

Question

They moved into an apt. together in November 2006.December of 2006 he got into a motorcycle accident,broke his back,punchured lung,broken ribs,etc. He is okay. He had back surgery. He is able to walk around,actually he is encouraged to do light exercise. Well his brother moved into the 2nd bedroom of their apt. to help out, so he is paying 500 for rent per month. Her boyfriend is on disability(obviously), the police reports say the accident is his fault, he owes $12,000 for his hospital bills. My sister is working. A LOT. She works overtime every single day,and on Saturday as well. He has her give him her check, & gives her a small portion. Seriously small. And puts the rest in his account for bills,rent,etc. She has to ask him if she wants to buy shoes,a new top,etc. Then he says we are broke, cant afford it, so on. But just last week he bought a remote controlled helecoptor,it was 80 bucks. He spends a bunch of $, but gets mad when she wants to spend $. What the heck?

Is this okay? I mean I dont want to but in, but I dont want her to get taken advantage of either.

No, I dont want to cause problems for her either. Here is something else that goes on: She will want to watch tv, they only have 1 hooked up in the living room, and him and his brother will bitc_ and comment about something she is watching until she says fine, gives them the remote and goes in the room. They totally hog the tv. Also, last week when I was over she was watching a chick flick, and his brother kept saying can you turn on something entertaining. So she got sick of that and kind of tossed the remote and went to her room and slammed the door. And his brother yelled DONT SLAM THE EFFIN DOOR! And her bf said hey quit yelling, I dont want someone to complain that we are loud and then his brother said she is a spoiled brat. And he didnt say anything to stick up for her. And if her and I get into a small argument, he will tell me to knock it off, and totally butt in. But I dont butt in when she comes over complaining about him. Sorry I am totally venting.. =/

Answer 1

Time for her to either take a walk or take control of her own paycheck.

Answer 2

No it's not alright. Regardless of his accident and all that if they are together because they love each other there should still be equality. Many of the financial experts say that any money brought into the household should be divided in a way that is good for everyone. First off...she should not be giving him her whole check, not even they were married. She should have her own little account that she's able to spend from on what she wants. Yes of course the bills comes first and that should be taken from a joint account. OK....let me put it this way....let's say he's getting about 800 from disability......she's making 1500 a month....1/2 the rent is 500, utilities are probably about 300 for everything.....I don't know what other bills they have but they should take care of their own bills. If she is making 700 more than him a month right now, then she should be putting at least 200 a month in her own account for her own needs..and then the rest can be put into the joint account for the bills and such....she does have to contribute her share to keep her home and food and utilities and such.....but she's not responsible for his medical bills, his car payment, etccccc.....as long as she's paying her share...which in my mind would be taking care of her protion of the rent and bills and food, then she should be keeping her paycheck to pay HER bills and spend on the things that she wants....not giving everything to him and letting him pay everything and then spend what he wants when he wants and not giving her the extra she wants for her wants.....If she continues to do this and they end up getting married and staying together,,,she's going to end up losing her identity because he will control everything.....NOT GOOD!! Talk to her in private and help her make the change to be in control of her own finances...

Answer 3

I think it's time that your sister smartened up. She is making the choice to hand over her checks. He can't do anything with them if they are in her name, which they would be. So, she is just as much to blame for permitting him to treat her that way.

It's not always that easy though, and I can understand. Someone needs to sit her down, and find out if she's happy the way things are. What was their relationship like before the accident? Did he work? Did she? Who got the money? Who paid the bills?

As you can see, there are a lot more variables to this than you are seeing. Right now, you are seeing your sister, your blood, getting the short end of the stick. But, I don't think that you have all the information, therefore, it's unfair to judge.

Until you know ALL the questions and ALL the answeres, you have no right to judge. And just remember this as well, there are two sides to every story, and then there's the truth. Sister or not, you have to have an open mind if you are going to stick your nose it.

Answer 4

It definitely sounds like this guy is a loser. I can understand his injuries but he's lucky your sister stuck around. Now he's taking advantage of her kindness. I mean come on she's living with his brother! I would tell her how you feel nicely but if that's the way she wants to live than let her live her life. Be patient and willing to listen to her when she needs you to. The hard fact is you can't choose who you love.

Answer 5

that is not okay if anything i think he should be taking out of his brothers check....but come on a remote control helipcopter and she is working hard im sorry no offense but he would have to add on to his hospital bill but thats not right but you should talk to you sister about that because that def is wrong and if she is working i think she should have a say where her check goes

Answer 6

Its her money and she needs to take control of it. I think that its wonderful that she is helping out her boyfriends .. but that is exactly what he is .. a boyfriend. He is not her husband, therefore, she should not be giving him her paychecks. She needs to have her own bank account w/out his name on it so she can control her own money. It sounds like she is being taken advantage of. How does she feel about the situation?

Answer 7

No that's not ok. She is the one working. She should be taking care of the bills etc. If she continues to let this happen now is going to continue. She needs to put a stop to this before it gets worst. If she can't do it for herself then there's nothing you can do for her. If she lets it happen is going to continue happening.

Answer 8

Ummm ... he should not be spending money frivolously while she gets nothing even though she works her butt off. No, this is lopsided, especially considering the fact that the accident was HIS FAULT!

But, I agree with Just a friend, don't get involved, just support her if she turns to you.

I wish your sis the best.

Answer 9

Your sister has to learn from her own mistakes. Yes he sounds like an ***, but there may be other factors that you aren't aware of. If you jump in telling her how bad he is for her , she may see you as the enemy. Be there for her and offer your honest advice only when asked. Unfortunately, we can not live there lives for them.

Answer 10

Sounds like she's being taken advantage of. Have her threaten to break up with him if he doesn't start cutting back on his spending, and give more to her, since she is the one doing all the work while he just chills at home (even though he's crippled).

Answer 11

It doesn't sound ok, but she can't be taken advantage of unless she lets him take advantage of her. Why does she give him all of her hard earned money and let him get away with buying toys for himself while she isn't able to buy clothing for herself. She has to put her foot down and take charge of her own money. If this keeps going on, it will only get worse.