How do you tell your mom she needs to stop babying her 29year old son?

Question

My brother is going on 30years old and is still living off Mom and Dad. At one time I felt sorry for him but when I found out that my Dad helpped him get this great paying civil service job on base and he took it and then not even two years latter he wants to stop working for dom reasons and now is just sitting at home doing nothing but playing games and spending their money.

I don't live near them but when I do go to see them it almost seems like it he drives my Father crazzy.

Answer 1

Hi,
You seem to think it's your fault, but it isn't. It is what he is deciding to do with his life. If I were you, I would go ahead and e-mail/call him and tell him about new jobs you can find in the paper or online.

And if that doesn't work, help him get back into school, your never too old for college.

He can also get bank loans to use and pay them off when he's done in school. That way, it is possible for him to stay in a dorm while getting a good education and then paying off the money when he is good and ready.

Best of luck to you and your Family =)

Emie <33

Answer 2

We have a 30 yr old son & a 25 yr old daughter, both on their own, engaged and/or married. We educated them both and helped them into their first homes....

And for the first time in 30 yrs we have some time for just us. and it's nice. It's been a long time since it was just the two of us. It's a shame that your brother is so inconsiderate that he doesn't realize that your parents have done there job. It's really a shame that your Mom can't find that pair of scissors.. those apron strings need to go.

If it were me.. his cash flow would stop.. the games would go in the trash. A padlock would go on the fridge, and car keys would all leave with me.

He'd be sponging off someone else by the end of the week.

If he's acting like a kid, treat him like one.. take away his reason for doing what he's doing.

Unfortunately, your parents are going to have to take action... not you.

Answer 3

there is no easy way out of things dear. If there was, learning wouldn't be so hard or miserable. You just need to sit or parents down and have a respectable converstation with them. Let them know how you feel and make sure they understand. As for your brother? He know's that mommy and daddy will help him so why should he even bother? He will come around once the parents stop helping him eventually. Your father needs to be a father if it's driving him crazy. He should have already put the matter into his own hands already. Your brother is going to keep doing this until your parents need help themselves. Even better, get your parents and brother in the same room with one another and have a talk with all of them. It is hard. I went through this with my husband when we were dating. That's all his parents ever did was give him money. He is an only child. I sit him down and talked to him and he became to understand the situation and respects his parents more. Your brother is just taking advantage of not having to do the real things in life to get back. He needs to grow up! Good luck!

Answer 4

You can tell her but she already knows. She doesn't know how to stop babying him - and maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe she thinks it's OK for him to spend their money. Your father may be upset about it but who controls the money in the family? If he does, he has the right to say, 'We can't afford this - this guy needs to pay his way, rent to us, food money to us, and pay for all of this own activities.'
Let's say your brother paid your parents $3000 a month (cheap, actually) for what he enjoys in benefits at home. He'd have to find a job to be able to pay that. He'd still have a cushy pampered life and your mother would still have him around the house at night and on weekends. That must be what she wants.
Raise the 'rent' every year and eventually, your brother will realize he isn't escaping financial responsibilities. At some point in the future, your parents should plan to move to a better climate and sell their house (even if they already live in Florida, they should move just to get your brother moving). Then he's on his own for sure.

Answer 5

From what I have seen this situation is a normal way of things in todays world. I am a grandmother & most of my friends & co-workers have at least 1 to 2(one friend has all of his children & grandchildren as well as one daughters husband, the others BF, and 2 of his gay sons "friends" living with him & his wife)of their grown children,spouses, & grandchildren. Some go years without working or contributing to the household or their own personal needs.
Why would kids go out & get a job & pay their own bills & provide for themselves if they do not have to.
It is crazy, I know the parents are worried that the grandchildren may do without till their children grow up enough to be parents-but they never will grow up till they have to. Most of these kids feel it is owed to them. They are above the job that are out there that they qualify for so they don't apply. Why worry? Mom & Dad are taking care of all of us? Whats going to happen to these people when their parents die? These well meaning parents are not doing their kids any favors by not forcing these kids to grow up & accept their responsibilities NOW.

Answer 6

I agree with Tammy, you should speak with your brother if it bothers you enough. Your parents are parents, and some find it impossible to let go. However, your brother should want a life outside mom and dad and video games. You can also say things to a sibling that you couldn't to a parent. Like..get off your bum and start your life....or...what are you going to do with the rest of your life...things like that. Smile. I know its hard, because you hurt for them all, but you can't fix it. Just express yourself to them and help out mom and dad when/if they need it. ps...don't invite him to use your couch, he may never leave,

Dee

Answer 7

i trust regard to the age. u could the two understand ur not getting any youthful. what is going to he say next..... he will b 40 and say hes 2 previous now? if u have a toddler by using the age of 30 u will b 40 8 by using the time she graduates and ur husband.... fifty two? if u prefer toddlers i might hav them now hun! dont go away him cuz he doesnt prefer toddlers.... possibilities r u gets divorced [maximum marriages bring about divorce] and if it somewhat is sum1 u prefer 2 b the daddy of ur toddler no remember if he will b n ur existence or not "go 4 it" appears like he has an excellent job so think of of the destiny u could desire to get preg by using any1. u definatly prefer it 2 b with sum1 it is financially good dont u? [toddler help] purely throw sum condoms in ur nightstand and say right here positioned this on or take ur possibilities then it is going to b his fault 2 if u get preg and he wont b so mad. if that doesnt artwork.... u can continuously positioned holes in them :) yet u might hav 2 take care of ur ethical sense on that a million. i've got self assurance for u however its time 4 u 2 hav a toddler.... if it is extremely what u prefer. have been given sum massive judgements 2 make gurl...

Answer 8

He is what we call LAZY and can't handle life!

If your parents don't make him take responsability for himself he will be living there for another fifteen years.

EDIT: Tell you what. Tell you mom to play the 'I am mother you are son game.' Don't let him go out too late, buy stuff with their money, etc... like you would a teenager. He will start feeling the teen desire to set out and get his own place and get his own money.

Answer 9

Just tell him whats going on and how you feel, your farther. then Tell your brother a thing a two, you have that right to do this you are in the family to and you care about each memeber well being.
good Luck! Let us know how this turns out!

Answer 10

ouchhh !! Tough one ! Are you asking if you should say anything ? Well ,I think maybe you should if it bothers you that much but be careful! Dealing with family is tricky and hurts seem to hurt more coming from loved ones.Maybe a talk with brother is in order and not Mom and Dad.Whatever you decide to do I wish you lotsa luck !
God Luck !