Is it still proper to call a shower where you want $ given instead of gifts a greenback?

Question

My best friend and her fiancee are getting married this fall, after 10 years of being together, they own 2 houses and their own business, obviously they don't need a toaster or dishes. They live in Florida, but are from Massachusetts and are getting married and having everything wedding involved done in MA, so obviously this is a costly event. We are having a shower for the 2 of them, not just a bridal shower, a Hawiaiian luau. Is it still proper to call it a Greenback shower, so they get money and not gifts? If not what is the appropriate name for this sort of thing these days?

Someone said, cut back... I did mention that they are getting married in Massachusetts and live in Florida... they are doing it here for their family and friends, it is impossible to only come here once or twice, she needs to fly here several times before the wedding. They aren't loaded, they aren't even well off, they are doing good, but not in the "well off" catagory yet, and are paying for the whole wedding themselves.

Well, the majority of you all think it's rude, I appreciate your oppinion. FYI the bride and groom have not asked for us to do this type of shower, we are having a huge party with kids and adults with about 200+ people so they can see everyone they haven't seen in the 3 years since they moved. We would like to take the burden of paying to fly back and forth so much off of them by doing the greenback thing. Since so many have replied that it is tacky, we will not ask for money in the invitation, but maybe see if we can suggest american express gift cards, to defer the cost of their flights, the shower isn't until June or July so we have plenty of time to decide on things, just wanted an idea of what everyone thought. How about the american express gift card thing? Someone I know suggested resturant gift cards, but since the live in FL and we don't there are only so many chain resturant experiences you really want.

Answer 1

Gosh, please don't include mention of gifts (either of the "greenback" variety or any other kind) in the invitation. For the most part, people will realize they don't need another toaster when they haven't registered for anything and just give gift cards/cash. They may receive some actual gifts too. It isn't worth it to risk offending guests by telling them what to give, just to save on shipping a few actual gifts. Who knows..they may receive something they REALLY like! I don't know, it kind of bugs me when people say "Well we already HAVE everything for our home!" As if that entitles them to "pick something else" they want...vacations, mortgage payments etc. It also kind of conveys to the guest that the they are not intelligent enough to choose a gift on their own, therefor they must be told what to give. But hey..that's just me!

Answer 2

Dear friends of Bill & Jill:

Your friendship is so valued
So, we ask that you put a value on it
By giving us cash
We don't want your stupid gifts
Just cash
That's why we are inviting you

Sorry, but there isn't a way to do this that isn't tacky. I'd be apalled if I got an invite requesting money. If they can't afford their wedding, then they need to change what they are doing; not beg for money from their friends and family.

They should register someplace like Target. This way they can take back any gifts they don't want and get store credit. They can use the credit up as they want. Or, same deal at a Macy's type store. This way they can use the refunds to buy clothes, make-up, or whatever.

They could even do a honeymoon registry (do a google search) so that guests can help to pay for the honeymoon. I'd have NO problem with this. Or, if they don't need the money, set up a charity registry at http://www.justgive.com .

I can't emphasize enough how tacky it is to beg for money at a shower or at a wedding.

Answer 3

I checked the web and this is what I found:

There is no such thing as a 'greenback' shower. I have heard the term, but it really doesn't exist even though some have tried to make it real. It is viewed very negatively to ask for cash or gift cards, especially for a shower. So many are going for gift-less showers these days that it is extremely important for showers to appear positive and not greedy.

Since they already have everything they need and have their home set there really is no need for the typical shower. Perhaps they could register for gifts that they would like to have or have a themed wedding shower such as a lingerie Shower.

Answer 4

Money Makes the World Go Round
When You Have Everything...........
Do The Dollar Dance

We did a money Tree for my sister that gave them cash for the honeymoon.

At a Luau, it would be great to have both bride and groom do the dollar dance. Grass Skirts and Coconuts maybe the ideal place for the tips. Each guest tips the dancers when they get to dance with them. The money should be pinned to their clothing anywhere the guest chooses. Be creative with the music and get pictures. Be sure that the invitations specify this celebration is in lieu of gifts and for them to "bring plenty of cash (big and small bills) for the dollar dance".

Don't forget to supply the safety pins!

Have the Thank You cards specify: Thanks for the Tip!

Answer 5

Showers are given for couples that are "just starting out". After 10 years of being together THEY should be the ones hosting the luau (at their own cost).
Asking for money is extremely rude.
Actually on the invitation, you should include "Gifts of any kind will not be accepted"
Registering for gifts is also considered tacky since they have everything they need!

Answer 6

It's kinda tacky to mention gifts or money at all. Just call it a luau, and if guests ask you what the couple has registered for, you can tell them that that couple did not register, since they have all the household items they need, but are accepting donations towards the wedding, honeymoon, their favorite charity, etc. There are even websites that set up a secure transaction site for this, so guests can opt to donate to the honeymoon, the child's college fund, etc.

Answer 7

it doesnt matter if they asked yhou to do this or not. its still rude. its like asking guests to pay for the wedding. so what if they dont live where they are getting married and have to fly down all the time. thats their fault for getting married there. they should have just planned a wedding where they live. sure, they probably didnt want to make friends and family travel for the wedding so I dont like they should want guests to give them money to pay for the wedding either. at least nobody with class and dignity would want to dictate to their guests what they can give in terms of gifts.

Answer 8

I'd just call it tacky- sorry. Trying to collect money for a couple who have been shacking up for 10 years seems a little cheesy. If it's a costly event, they can sell one of their 2 homes to finance their own wedding. There's no polite or cute or appropriate way to extract money from guests. I'm sorry you were stuck with the chore.

Answer 9

Call it a shower, just make sure you note in the invitations that gifts are prefered in cash (it's a bit tacky, but so is wanting the cash) If they are that well off why don't they donate to charities? State in the invitations that this money will be donated to something like the American Cancer Society.

Answer 10

i would make a note in the invitations that $ isgreatly appreacited and if you can explain to the guest. then again the guest should know that if they've lived together for such a long time that items like those aren't necessary. just remember, not everyone can contribute with $ gifts, so just dont oppress them to onlygive $, afterall a gift reflects the good wishes of that person towards the couple. sorry if i seem to be going in circles, well congratulations and have fun!