Is it wrong of me?

Question

Ok so I have this really dead beat dad who after he got a divorce with my mom moved nearly half way across the country from us and I roughly see every two years or so. We get phone calls about 6 times a year and letters for holidays about 4 times a year. Is it wrong for me to take the money out and not read the letter? I mean its not that I only care about the money but this guy decides to just forget about his family, marry some lady on a cruise that we weren't invited to or told anything about until about 2 years later, and acts like he's this saint minister when he doesn't even know his own daughters. So why should I care what he has to say at all neverless sloppily written in a crumy papercard? Any advice?

Answer 1

I think your hurt and angry and will probably do just about anything to get back at your dad for what hes done. Taking the money and not reading his words is one of your ways. But, despite the seemly unworthyness of his letter, he still puts some kind of effort in there which tells yyou he stills cares. Don't read the letters, sure, but don't be angry anymore because it puts a hold on your world. Just let him go and on day he's find otu he made the biggest, emptiest mistake in not learning about you, knowing your quirks or your likes/dislikes. People like him and me always regret in the end...just live your life to the fullest and if he shall ever come into your life again let him b/c people rarely come back. Good luck

Answer 2

If he didn't care, he would not write or visit, or send money or call. My son's dad has only called him three times since he was 3 and a half years old. Never sends a birthday card, or anything. It's wrong of you to not read the card. If the card means nothing to you then don't take the money either! That's selfish. I think he has done far more than what other fathers out there do, does'nt make it right but your mom and his relationship is in the past and maybe it just wasn't meant to be. He probably didn't tell you guys because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. Trust me, if he wanted to not keep in contact, he would do absolutely nothing!

Answer 3

Arianna,

I grew up with a dad that wasn't always around...especially after I was 11 and realized that when he was with me, the stuff he was doing to me wasn't cool. Anyhow, because of the molestation, I'm glad that he's not in my life and I didn't have to worry about being around my girls, but...let's pretend for a minute that I had a day like yours...he divoced my mom, moved away, remarried and didn't keep in much contact but did make the effort to send holiday cards and money and does make the phone calls and tries to keep in touch....If that were my dad, I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt because at least he's trying and didn't just totally disappear. Sure, some men to the holiday thing because it's expected, but maybe he's got his own issues that keep him from being able to be more emotionally available. He may have his own hang ups that keep him from being the dad you want him to be.....I would read his letters and cards and make my own effort to be more in touch.....if after you make an effort he doesn't show any improvement...then keep the money and don't worry about reading anything...but what if it's you girls that keep him from being involved? Maybe he knows he messed up and he's afraid to give more for fear of rejection. Everyone deserves a chance, sometimes even a second chance....but if there's anything you can do to keep from losing your dad completely, because there will be a time in your life when you will want him around, i'd do it. I wish there was an easy answer to everything, but there isn't and we all have to make decisions on our own, but if nothing else I've said makes sense, maybe at least try this....make your decision without holding resentment, make it from the heart....the heart that holds the love underneath the pain....you will feel better about it and in knowing that you made the decision on your own.

My best to you,

Lani

PS....I"m married to a man that hasn't seen his 2 sons in over 3 years, but not by choice. His ex wife hasn't given him a chance too. We don't know where they are living, how to reach them or call them or anything. So maybe it's not all his fault.

Answer 4

I don't blame you for how you feel. I too had a deadbeat dad who mistreated both my mother and I, and years after they split, he came to me acting like he "found God" and the "Bible" and even though he's done all these bad things he'll somehow be forgiven. He clearly doesn't know the pain he put you and your mother through. I recommend writing a letter to him, you can choose whether to send it or not, explaining how you feel, get your emotions out on paper, cry if you have to, and you'll feel so much better. You can even try telling him over the phone too, but be polite and make your side of the story heard without name-calling or profanity. If you really wish to not hear from him again, then why not just take the money? He obviously owes you more than that for what he's put you through. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

well, my dad divorced my mom also and moved about 50 miles away. i go over there every other weekend about. but he hasnt seen my sister in nearly 10 months probably. neither have they talked or sent letters or anything. even for christmas. so i think that hes wrong for what hes doing, hes the parent, you shouldnt have to worry about this. he should. anyways, i think you should read the letters cuz i would be curious to see what he has to say, maybe its important. its not wrong but not the best thing to do. try to keep in touch with him

Answer 6

If your hurt that bad then send the letters back WITHOUT taking out the money.
I would like to remind you that there are a lot of "dads" that do a LOT less for their children. It sounds to me like you need to have a real HEART-TO-HEART with him. But if that is not an option cut him loose. Just because hes your dad does not mean you have to put up with Bullsh## from him.

Answer 7

Yes, it's okay to ignore the message.. but you might want to spend the money on therapy before this poisons your relationship with all men in the future. Or at least buy yourself a journal to help you work through the pain of it.

Answer 8

You should at least read them, you don't have to respond, but what if he writes anything in there about a future will, or more money, anything like that. It is mean, but you never know if you are missing out on anything good.

Answer 9

write him and tell him everything you just told us. (you can still keep the money,it's yours) sorry, but it seems you need to be the adult in this relationship. try to fix this relationship.as best as you can, to "your" satisfaction. if you find he is not willing to change and be the father YOU need than end the relationship completely. this is called closure, for YOU. explain to him, you cannot continue to let him hurt your feeling. good luck sweetie.

Answer 10

You are both wrong. You for not reading his letters. What if he had something important to say. Him, how can he not invite you to his wedding. His conscience will catch up with him.