What to do with a controlling mother that is paying for your wedding?

Question

I am an only child and have decided to get married. My mother loved him before he proposed and now that he has and I said yes she and my father hates him. They are paying for my wedding and have control of the money. My husband-to-be, his parents are very poor and can barley afford to drive the hour and half it takes to be at the wedding. So my parents have like I said took it upon themselves to pay for it, but along with that they are making sure it is done the way they want it. MY opinion is listened to and then thrown to the side because its there money. Something they did that really upset me was we booked a reception hall that included a suite for the couple and two rooms. Me (bride) and the groom and my parents agreed that his parents could have one of the rooms seeing as how they can't afford it. Now all of a sudden they have said his parents can't have the room. They are trying there hardest to make this wedding about my family and nothing to do with him or his family?? Help??

Answer 1

I would recommend you sit down and have a frank discussion with your parents. Let them know how your honestly feel about you and your fiance's opinions being disregarded. Your wedding should be happy occasion to celebrate the union of two families. But if your parents aren't going to be willing to share the decisions with the two of you, then you might have to come to terms with either letting them continue to plan a wedding you will never be happy with or decide to decline their offer to pay for your wedding and come up with a way to pay for the wedding yourself. If you don't have a lot of money, you can always have a simple ceremony with a cake and punch reception. Even a small simple ceremony can be elegantly done.

Answer 2

Tell them you have decided to have the wedding in his parents home town and pay for it yourselves. From the sound of it, they'll get back on track pretty quick as they want everyone to see the big, expensive wedding they'll have. If they agree and don't want to pay, then you are much better off having a less expensive wedding with people who truly care about you.

Ask them how much the suite will cost for the in-laws and pay for it yourself or get the in-laws a room at a less expensive hotel. I'm sure the in-laws would appreciate any help you would be able to offer. Best wishes and God Bless.

Answer 3

All you have to do to take control of your wedding back is pay for it yourself. From what you're saying, it sounds like you would have to scale back and have a "bare bones" wedding if you paid for it yourself, but isn't that better than allowing your mother to take over the wedding?

This is when you and your husband-to-be have the chance to show that you're putting each other first (which is as it should be). Talk it over with each other and decide what you two can afford. If it's getting married in the courthouse by the Justice of the Peace and then having punch and cake at someone's house afterwards, go for it.

There is no other way. Your mom is following the Golden Rule: She who has the gold, makes the rules. The only way you can break her power is to refuse to allow her to pay for the wedding.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Just tell them that you would appreciate if they let you make some of your own decisions, considering it's your wedding. If that doesn't work then it is best that you and your family sit and talk with your fiance and his family to work something out. I have been in that situation before with my mother and it got so bad that we decided to call off the wedding until we could afford it ourselves. Although traditionally the bride's family is supposed to pay. It sounds like they are having a problem letting their baby girl go. Explain to them that they are still love and respected as your parents, but they should also respect your husband to be as the man who you love and is going to marry.

Answer 5

Elope and have the wedding at his parent's place. Totally drop yours.
I would rather just have a civil ceremony in a judges chamber than put up with that kind of crap. But that's me... ;-)
Also, in the west, the bride's parents come up with the dowry and the wedding. If they only want to use that to control, I would drop them like a hot rock. That would also include no access to any grand children. And I would be sure to let them know up front, now they can decide whether they want any part of the new family or none. Stand up for your life!

Answer 6

Option 1: Go along with what they want. They are paying for it, after all. However, mention that you already discussed the extra room with his parents, and you'd feel so bad going back on your word.

Option 2: Pay for the wedding, or a smaller wedding, yourself. This is the only way to control it.

Answer 7

Though I think this is a bad way to start a new, combined family, the fact is it's their money and unfortunately whomever is paying for it has the final decisions in who, what, when, where and how. However, that doesn't mean your parents have a right to turn their noses up at anyone. They seem like they think your fiance and his family are beneath you and them. Try talking to your parents, tell them they are making you feel bad and that right now you should be happy not miserable. Tell them to put themselves in the shoes of his family and try to imagine how that must feel - to not be able to give their son any financial support at all, it can't be easy for them. Tell your parents to try to have some compassion for others less fortunate. And if that doesn't work, then elope. You don't HAVE to have a wedding, as long as you love him and he loves you, what else do you need? Good luck.

Answer 8

definitly sounds like a control issue. that weird they liked him before and now they dont. have you asked them about it? since your parents wont give in on the room, maybe offer yours to his parents and you guys stay some where else. ask them why they are being that way. did something happen that maybe you dont know about? your just in a really sucky situation. tell them flat out that you appreciate the fact that they are paying for the wedding, but youd also appreciate it if theyd show some compassion for other people. or your other option is just to pay for your wedding yourself. more and more couples are doing it now days.

good luck!

Answer 9

Pay for it yourselves. .....or.....It is only one day ...let your Mother go hog wild...Her behavior has nothing to do with you or your finacee or his parents. Talk to your guy and make sure what he wants and then treat his parents with the respect and considerstion your mother is lacking. Your marriage and in-law relationships will last a lot longer than a wedding....our daughter-in-law faced a similar situation and she just rolled with the punches but it damaged her relationship with her parents. So if you can't just shrug off your parents bullying then...do somehting simple that you can pay for and get on with building a marriage....your futute in laws will be there for you if you treat them with the respect they deserve as your groom's parents.....good luck

Answer 10

easy..pay for your own wedding. if you arent paying for then you dont get a say in it. its their money and thats it. my husband and I paid for most of our wedding so we could do things our way. the stuff my family paid for was thought out and planned by them. i had little to do with it. sorry, but you have no right to complain in this situation. why should your parents pay for a room for his parents anyways? I'm sorry they are poor, but its not like its your parents job to support them.