Need help for a blended family!?!?

Question

I need some serious help reguarding my family. 1st of all I am divorced with a 7yr old daughter. About a year & a half ago, my boyfriend/fiance moved in w/us. He also has 2 children of his own, which we have been raising together. The problem is that this has been EXTREMENLY overwhelming for me. Suddenly I have 3 kids to take of. He helps, but not as much as I need him to.

Answer 1

The only solution is to communicate your needs to him. He needs to participate in the child raising just as much as you. He may not be doing it intentionally~ but if he is not responsive after you discuss your needs (and the needs of the children) ---you may need to seriously reconsider this relationship.

The changes may come slowly over time. As long as you see he is making efforts to make changes then there is much hope. I know from experience that blended families are hard work! I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Hi there, I can hear how frustrated and overwhelmed you feel. Let me reassure you, that although it can take a long time to get to a "happy place" for everybody in a blended family, the work is definitely worth it!

I moved in with my (now) husband seven years ago, when his son was 3 and my kids were 8, 10 and 11. We went through some very difficult times over the first few years, but now everything has really settled out. What we worked through for the first few years were getting used to the concept that both parents were now responsible for four children, always. That included not just discipline (which is easy, because usually when you need to discipline you're upset, which makes it easier to express yourself, for most people), but also love, support, encouragement, AND three times as much laundry as either of us was used to, making BIG meals rather than smaller ones, orchestrating who was getting which child to where for what, etc., etc., etc.

I know a blended family which has miraculously survived with the parents each only still assuming responsibility for their own kids and not eachothers - I think this is probably the exception rather than the rule, though.

Just be patient - EVERYBODY in the family is adjusting - it requires a LOT of open conversation (that's why it's good to eat supper together) and a lot of action plans, so that if one solution to a problem doesn't work, you can try another. Even the youngest of kids can help make it work, all you have to do is make them all members of the team.

Answer 3

If you truly love your fiance, then treat his kids as if it's your own--meaning, think that you bore three kids. If this is the case, what would you do? Having a daughter gives you an insight on what it means to raise a family so allowing them to move in only means you were ready to face the responsibility. This is just an assumption on my part. As a family, communication is very important. You need to discuss the issue without insinuating that his kids is becoming a burden or is the cause for your problem. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am not sure what age the other 2 children are but maybe after school sports. On the weekends, extra help from daddy maybe in order- Park Day or some other fun activity to get them out of your hair for awhile. Patience is needed but some quiet time for you is a must. If income is fine, maybe a sitter to help out an hour or two!

Answer 5

I genuinely have been married now for extremely just about 15 years. We each and each had 2 little ones. We went to a marriage counsler formerly we've been married and under no circumstances lived jointly. the 1st 5 years have been a severe challenge yet we the two went into it understanding it may be. Come on you're speaking approximately 2 diverse families with diverse regulations and ideas for elevating babies. i think in spite of the actuality that I understand your frustration, i do no longer see the type you'll be waiting to thrown in the towel after some months. feels like the countless difficulty is that the lines of communication have easily been disconnected and that i advise you artwork on that by way of some severe counseling. that is going to easily help you in the long-term. It additionally seems such as you like putting his little ones down, who by technique of how had no decision in selecting you for a step-mom and are probally appearing out because of the fact of it. #a million you'll be able to desire to calm down! numerous persons conflict by way of and sense the type you do yet you have have been given to concepts-set the sitituation once you're actually not so offended. Get help now so which you would be able to understand one yet another and get a extra effectual potential on the thank you to advance your loved ones jointly. in case you do no longer kiss this marriage sturdy-bye. sturdy success!!

Answer 6

You need to communicate your feelings to him so you can take a more equal share in working to make a sucess of your blended family. If you both Love all the kids equally and are willing to work to improve the complex relationships you are halfway there.

Answer 7

First of all, there isn't enough caring and committment to create a "blended family" If he doesn't respect you enough to marry you, and doesn't respect his children enough to shield them from that kind of relationship you will never be a family, "blended" or otherwise. It's a very convenient situation for him.

Answer 8

Don't ask him to help - tell him to help. Tell him exactly what he has to do - don't choose tasks that you like to have done just so and it's going to bother you when they aren't done right. There are plenty of things he can do to help - it all adds up. Tell him because if you ask him, it sounds like you are assuming all the responsibility yourself and you need his aid. Tell him because he shares a family situation with you. You're not his new babysitter.

Answer 9

Get his his rear out the door , he should be helping you more these are kids as well

Answer 10

only some patient mina